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AIBU?

To make DD return stolen item?

189 replies

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 12:49

We stayed in a hotel recently. I've since found that my DD (autistic DD) has taken (stolen) one of the hotel room key cards even though it says that they need to be returned when checking out as they are reused for future customers/guests. DD says that she kept it because she "likes it" and "wants to keep it". I think she should return it/post it back to the hotel but DH says I'm "overreacting" because it is just a hotel room key card. AIBU to make DD return this stolen item?

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Am I being unreasonable?

574 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
66%
You are NOT being unreasonable
34%
AMuser · 05/02/2024 14:31

Are you even reading the responses here @Coffeehelpsmebemum ?

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TheCadoganArms · 05/02/2024 14:32

BrightLightTonight · 05/02/2024 14:25

Personally, I would get your daughter to write to the hotel and confess that she took the card key, and send £5 to cover the cost. Then your daughter knows its not right to steal and there are consequences.

Maybe then tar and feather her and parade her naked through the streets so she really takes on board the gravity of her crimes.


Jesus, this place sometimes.

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Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 14:33

AMuser · 05/02/2024 14:31

Are you even reading the responses here @Coffeehelpsmebemum ?

Yes I am but I believe strongly that DD needs to understand that stealing is not ok.

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Heather37231 · 05/02/2024 14:35

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 14:33

Yes I am but I believe strongly that DD needs to understand that stealing is not ok.

OK. So, if she ever steals something, you can do that…

(Oh and your current plan involves modelling that lying is OK).

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MargaretThursday · 05/02/2024 14:36

I think this is a grey line, which is very difficult, especially as she's autistic.

I mean, I have an old Butlin's keycard. I realised I had it about 50 miles down the road. It didn't feel worth posting back, so I decided I'd take it back the next year when we stayed, and just pop it in with the rest of them when we signed out.
When we got there the next year, they'd changed the style of the cards, so I didn't.

So in the great scheme of things, I don't think the hotel is going to be fussed at all. If you'd found a manager, you might have even found they were happy to deactivate the card and let her take it home.

But it is setting a potential precedent as she admits she did it on purpose. She didn't tell you before you left because she thinks you would have said "no", so she knows that she shouldn't have done it.
If she'd told you it was an accident, then it would be different.
Even if you do it as a "they won't notice" you're then potentially setting up a rule for her that it doesn't matter if they have lots/won't notice/something small.

I would get her to write a letter explaining that she took it and why, and put the card in it. An alternative would be phone up (ideally get her to, but I suspect that would be beyond her) with her next to her, and explain that she took it, and ask if they would like her to send it back, or could she buy it for £1 or similar. I suspect they'll say keep it, but then she knows she has permission, which I think could be important for her to understand.

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XiCi · 05/02/2024 14:36

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:15

I want DD to return it but DH doesn't agree.

It was from a posh hotel while on holiday but I don't think that is a good enough reason for DD not to return it. It'll have to go back via air mail as it's from overseas while on holiday.

Edited

Oh come on, this must be a joke surely.
Why the ridiculous drama. She hasn't stolen anything. She thought you could keep them, lesson learned for next time. Just let her keep this one as a souvenir now shes got it, no harm done. Millions of us every year forget to give in hotel key cards. Noone cares. Hard to imagine how youd cope with a real problem!

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WhenWereYouUnderMe · 05/02/2024 14:37

I keep mine as souvenirs...

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Felicia19 · 05/02/2024 14:39

She hasn't 'stolen' anything - it's a hotel key card ffs. Nobody cares. Do you never take the mini shampoos back home?

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XiCi · 05/02/2024 14:42

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 14:23

I've got the key card out of her room now. I can understand she wants a souvenir from the hotel so what I have done is taken these photos of the key card and I will laminate them for her to keep so that she still has a sounvnir from the hotel after the key card has been sent back. DH doesn't agree with me but at least I'm trying to teach DD that stealing isn't ok.

God surely you realise this is crazy. A laminated photo 🤣🙈
The hotel will also think you are potty sending the key card back via Air mail. Ridiculous

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AMuser · 05/02/2024 14:45

You do accept you’re lying to her though? If you need to send it back then do so but tell her you’ve done so through your own choice - she remembering that the cost of doing so will far outweigh the cost of the card. Apparently about $0.15 to a big chain.

Have a conversation with her about stealing but honestly you aren’t modelling an appropriate response to her. Surely that’s more important than this bizarre black and white punishment you are planning.

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/02/2024 14:49

I think she should email them saying she has it and she'd like to keep it and what would the cost be if so- she can pay for it with her pocket money if she wants it - although they'll probably just say don't worry. If they tell her to post it back she can do.

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/02/2024 14:50

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:00

I've just checked my bank and I haven't been charged by the hotel for the key card yet.

Of course you won't be I rarely remember to return these

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Ohnoooooooo · 05/02/2024 14:55

If you regularly stay in hotels a lot of hotels don’t have this written on their cards so I am guessing she did not see it as a big deal.
I don’t!

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AMuser · 05/02/2024 14:57

Rather than post it to LA, why don’t you make her walk barefoot to the Dorchester in London whipping herself, to hand it in there? Happy to stand by the road and shout “thief” to really ensure she “understands that stealing is not ok”.

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LenaLamont · 05/02/2024 14:57

@Coffeehelpsmebemum , this is a massive overreaction. If she'd pocketed a branded napkin would you make her do the same thing? Because that's basically what it is.

They cost about 1p at most. Hotels say "please return" because so very, very many people don't return, or forget, or collect them.

Stop elevating a tiny thing into My Daughter Is A Thief.

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SpringSparrow · 05/02/2024 14:59

You are being ridiculous. Honestly let her have the card. I can’t believe you are laminating a photo of it.

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lifeispainauchocolat · 05/02/2024 15:05

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 14:33

Yes I am but I believe strongly that DD needs to understand that stealing is not ok.

So you're going to teach her that by lying to her? Confused

The hotel won't give a shiny shit about a room card. Honestly. Just let her keep it and stop fretting over nothing.

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BumpheadParrotfish · 05/02/2024 15:12

Stealth boast thread.

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LookItsMeAgain · 05/02/2024 15:22

Those are like chip and pin cards. They will be coded for use to access the room and then when returned or if not returned the number on the card will be put into the system as a failed return and will be blocked from accessing any of the hotel.
I don't agree with what you've done by going in to your DD room and taking the card under the guise of returning it saying that the hotel phoned asking for it back. How does one lie help another here???

The hotel has stacks of these cards and the program them to open certain doors when in the hotel.

Please let your DD keep the card.

You've made your point to her and to all of us that you don't believe that stealing is right (you're right it isn't) but you don't have to return the card, which will make her distrust you just to drive home a point. She gets it. We get it. Leave her be at this point. And stop going through her stuff!

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CecilyP · 05/02/2024 15:25

londonmummy1966 · 05/02/2024 13:12

Phone the hotel and explain the situation and ask how much a replacement card would cost them. (probably less than the stamp to return it). Offer to get your daughter to reimburse them for the card and if, as is likely, they say don't bother say you will tell her to donate an equivalent amount to the local foodbank or other charity. Deduct the cost from your DD's pocket money. Then she gets to keep the card but learns the lesson that you can't just take what you want.

This would be pointlessly stealing more of the hotel employees time than the card could possibly be worth. They are busy, they really don’t need this nonsense! Let her keep it as a souvenir; she didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to keep it so it’s hardly a slippery slope to a life of crime!

I’m more annoyed at all the posters who say they’ve forgotten to put back hundreds of these; so these will go in landfill. At least your DD will enjoy her souvenir!

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HarrietPierce · 05/02/2024 15:27

Coffeehelpsmebemum · Today 13:15

"I want DD to return it but DH doesn't agree.

It was from a posh hotel while on holiday but I don't think that is a good enough reason for DD not to return it. It'll have to go back via air mail as it's from overseas while on holiday." Edited

This is so ridiculous

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Ohnoooooooo · 05/02/2024 15:30

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:51

I've decided I will get the key card from DD's room now while she's at school and post it back by air mail and just tell DD that the hotel phoned asking for it back. Hopefully that will help her understand not to steal in future.

Do you not see the irony in lying to her about the hotel phoning you in order for you to teach her a lesson on stealing? At least you gave me a chuckle and lightened my day so thank you.

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CecilyP · 05/02/2024 15:31

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:15

I want DD to return it but DH doesn't agree.

It was from a posh hotel while on holiday but I don't think that is a good enough reason for DD not to return it. It'll have to go back via air mail as it's from overseas while on holiday.

Edited

Then it’s even more ridiculous! The cost of the card is less than a second class stamp. The hotel will think you honest but slightly mad for sending it. Though I suppose you could always save money by sending it surface mail!

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mikulkin · 05/02/2024 15:32

OMG what a drama because of nothing. I must be a big thief because i 9 out of 10 times I forget to return key cards to hotels. Nobody is going to charge you - million of guests forget to do it. Your DD wants to keep it as a keepsake, she didn't know it needs to be returned, it is done, move on.
You said it is a posh hotel, so trust me they will laugh at you when they get the card in the post. Explain to her that she should have checked it is ok do so in the future and move on.

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ProfessorPipsqueak · 05/02/2024 15:35

As a teen I worked doing housekeeping in a hotel and I used to lose keycards all of time. Nobody cares about keycards. It isn't a big deal and it certainly not a hill I would choose to die on.

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