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To make DD return stolen item?

189 replies

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 12:49

We stayed in a hotel recently. I've since found that my DD (autistic DD) has taken (stolen) one of the hotel room key cards even though it says that they need to be returned when checking out as they are reused for future customers/guests. DD says that she kept it because she "likes it" and "wants to keep it". I think she should return it/post it back to the hotel but DH says I'm "overreacting" because it is just a hotel room key card. AIBU to make DD return this stolen item?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

574 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
YoureALizardHarry11 · 05/02/2024 15:36

I don’t think you should return it, that’s a bit ridiculous to be honest. Tell her she can’t have it if you must but definitely don’t spend money returning a piece of plastic abroad. I do agree with you in principle about the taking things without permission but I think here a chat will suffice.

CecilyP · 05/02/2024 15:37

DamnSpots · 05/02/2024 13:38

Why don't you get her to (with your help) write the hotel an email explaining that she took it and didn't realise she wasn't meant to. She can apologise and ask if she should send it back. They will almost certainly say it is fine and no need to return it.
That way, she has learnt the lesson that it's not ok to take it, and has 'owned up' about it to the owner of the thing she has taken.

They really won’t want this nonsense cluttering up their email. They’ve already lost the card, it’s not their job to also teach her a lesson!

Flopsythebunny · 05/02/2024 15:37

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:02

DD has never stole anything before so this is the first time.

So it's the perfect opportunity to teach her at you cannot just take something because you like it.

PictureALadybird · 05/02/2024 15:38

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 14:33

Yes I am but I believe strongly that DD needs to understand that stealing is not ok.

The message you are sending to your kid is that lying is okay when it suits you.

libbylane · 05/02/2024 15:48

Learning opportunity here - if she'd have asked maybe they would have let her keep it and next time she should ask.
I'd have her write a note and post it to them. We can't take something just b/c we like it. Sometimes when we ask places can say yes, but we must always ask and accept it could be a yes or no in response.

SnowyPetals · 05/02/2024 15:48

What a ridiculous drama over such a non-event. The main reason hotels ask you to return them is because it makes them look more environmentally conscious, not because of the cost. They couldn't care less whether you actually do, as you've already paid for it in the cost of your room.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 05/02/2024 15:50

I lost one of those when pissed as a fart and had to get a new one.

So no, I probably wouldn't be forcing my kid to give it back.

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/02/2024 15:56

If she genuinely thought it was OK to keep it she didn't think she was stealing. I don't think it's worth the expense and hassle to return it. I do think it's worth a chat with your DD about checking ownership of items in future

Lifeinlists · 05/02/2024 15:57

'The hotel will think you honest but slightly mad for sending it'

Yes this. The word bonkers also springs to mind!

RobertaFirmino · 05/02/2024 15:59

It doesn't matter if it's a hotel keycard or a 5k ring, it is always best to ask before taking something that does not belong to you. Doesn't matter whether you class it as stealing or not, it's just sensible to ask first.

CecilyP · 05/02/2024 15:59

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 14:23

I've got the key card out of her room now. I can understand she wants a souvenir from the hotel so what I have done is taken these photos of the key card and I will laminate them for her to keep so that she still has a sounvnir from the hotel after the key card has been sent back. DH doesn't agree with me but at least I'm trying to teach DD that stealing isn't ok.

Sorry but this is crazy behaviour. If you must have her learn a lesson, just tell her the hotel asked/charged a £1 for it and take it from her pocket money.

DillyDilly · 05/02/2024 16:04

OP, your behaviour is totally irrational here. Your DD didn’t realise she had to drop off her key. Your DD is a child, you are the adult - why didn’t you take her key and drop it off ?

Honestly, your reaction is irrational and bizarre and totally unwarranted. Do you actually like your DD or are you always trying to find something to pick on her for ??

likepebblesonabeach · 05/02/2024 16:05

When I read the title I assumed that of course she would have to return the item but when I saw it was a hotel keycard I'd say there's no way I'd be sending via airmail a hotel keycard.
The hotel will not even notice it's missing and I certainly wouldn't be checking my bank account waiting for the hotel to charge me, it's just not something they'd do. I honestly agree with your DH, you're making a drama where none exists

saraclara · 05/02/2024 16:07

Given how much stuff can be taken as souvenirs (I have have many pens and little notepads as well as toiletries, and one hotel even provided little towel slippers) I can quite understand her thinking that the key card was okay to take.

I'm really hot on honesty, but I would have kept this very much to a shocked 'you really shouldn't have taken that, in future check with me first on what you can and can't bring home'.

likepebblesonabeach · 05/02/2024 16:08

Are you even reading the responses here @Coffeehelpsmebemum ?

Yes I am but I believe strongly that DD needs to understand that stealing is not ok.

So why did you start the thread, if you already had decided what to do and not take on board the replies posters have taken the time to give you?

NcutiGatwa · 05/02/2024 16:08

I was about to say "yes. It should teach her a lesson". But I've stolen 1 item from spoons though. Like just one.

saraclara · 05/02/2024 16:10

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:51

I've decided I will get the key card from DD's room now while she's at school and post it back by air mail and just tell DD that the hotel phoned asking for it back. Hopefully that will help her understand not to steal in future.

The irony!


XiCi · 05/02/2024 16:11

AMuser · 05/02/2024 14:57

Rather than post it to LA, why don’t you make her walk barefoot to the Dorchester in London whipping herself, to hand it in there? Happy to stand by the road and shout “thief” to really ensure she “understands that stealing is not ok”.


Anotherdayanotherdollar · 05/02/2024 16:15

Just wept, your reaction is beyond ridiculous! She didn't even realise she was "stealing". Let it go! It's not like she walked to tesco and helped herself to the pick n mix!

HarrietPierce · 05/02/2024 16:16

This thread is so mad I can't even believe it's true .

WeAreWarriorsWeAreWarriors · 05/02/2024 16:18

If you want your child to understand that stealing is not ok then don't take it from her room when she's at school and don't lie to her. Have a conversation with her when she gets in.

Like others, I'm quite uptight about lying and stealing, but I'd struggle to worry about this. I don't think this is necessarily the first step to a life of crime.

betterangels · 05/02/2024 16:18

Bythefireside · 05/02/2024 12:53

Was going to say yes till I saw what it was, I accidentally take these home all the time.

Me too. I wouldn't post it back tbh.


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DillyDilly · 05/02/2024 16:19

I’m wondering if this thread is real?

If it is real OP - why are you trying to ruin your DD’s memory of this holiday ?

betterangels · 05/02/2024 16:23

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:51

I've decided I will get the key card from DD's room now while she's at school and post it back by air mail and just tell DD that the hotel phoned asking for it back. Hopefully that will help her understand not to steal in future.

This is mad, sorry. First, the expense to send it back/they likely will have reset the lock. Second, you're taking from her room and lying to her. The only thing that will teach her is that you're taking things out of her room when she's not there and lying to her. That's actually nuts. Get a grip and some perspective!

PhoenixStarbeamer · 05/02/2024 16:25

They will have loads of them op. You could email and explain but they wouldn't care that your autistic DD took a shinning to a room key. They might think it's sweet actually.

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