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AIBU?

To make DD return stolen item?

189 replies

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 12:49

We stayed in a hotel recently. I've since found that my DD (autistic DD) has taken (stolen) one of the hotel room key cards even though it says that they need to be returned when checking out as they are reused for future customers/guests. DD says that she kept it because she "likes it" and "wants to keep it". I think she should return it/post it back to the hotel but DH says I'm "overreacting" because it is just a hotel room key card. AIBU to make DD return this stolen item?

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Am I being unreasonable?

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PutMyFootIn · 05/02/2024 13:50

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 12:55

DD is 14 and has autism. I think she should return it to the hotel but DH doesn't agree with me.

He doesn't have to agree with you.

Does he?

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Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:51

I've decided I will get the key card from DD's room now while she's at school and post it back by air mail and just tell DD that the hotel phoned asking for it back. Hopefully that will help her understand not to steal in future.

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AMuser · 05/02/2024 13:52

Jeez my very law abiding and honest 18 year old (also ASD - mild ) has been keeping the key card to a lovely hotel that we stay at every year for the last 10 years 🙈

Just popped him on the bus to HMP Belmarsh.

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PictureALadybird · 05/02/2024 13:52

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:51

I've decided I will get the key card from DD's room now while she's at school and post it back by air mail and just tell DD that the hotel phoned asking for it back. Hopefully that will help her understand not to steal in future.

So you’re going to lie to her?

No wonder she thinks stealing is okay if lying is so easily done Confused

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FuckinghellthatsUnbelievable · 05/02/2024 13:52

Key card souvenir is not really stealing lots of people keep them by mistake or as a souvenir. I worked in a hotel and we got them in a box of 1000 ( it was a 24 room hotel) and got through them slowly. It’s the equivalent of taking mini soap.

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AMuser · 05/02/2024 13:52

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:51

I've decided I will get the key card from DD's room now while she's at school and post it back by air mail and just tell DD that the hotel phoned asking for it back. Hopefully that will help her understand not to steal in future.

What so you will lie to her? And take it away whilst she’s not there. Niiiiiice.

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ComfortableAtLastTookLongEnough · 05/02/2024 13:52

ComfortableAtLastTookLongEnough · 05/02/2024 13:07

I would tell her that the hotel querying the non return, and that you explained to them that she was lured in by the souvenir aspect of it, they asked for a payment, you have paid it, and she now owes you x amount of £

Actually, scratch that. Stop demonising your child. How is your relationship with her normally.

hope you never have anything real to worrying about. 🙄🙄

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Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 05/02/2024 13:55

They cost the hotel about 1-2p a card if that, I really wouldn't waste my energy on it.

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TulipCat · 05/02/2024 14:01

I honestly don't think the cards are like, say, the towels, in that they're something the hotel requests you to turn in, but not on the inventory with much cost attached. I don't think they even keep track of how many they issue per guest, as in, if you ask for two extra they don't even note that down, and they definitely don't "count them back in" as it were. People forget to hand them back all the time. I wouldn't worry about it.

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DamnSpots · 05/02/2024 14:01

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:51

I've decided I will get the key card from DD's room now while she's at school and post it back by air mail and just tell DD that the hotel phoned asking for it back. Hopefully that will help her understand not to steal in future.

Seriously, this is utter madness. You're not teaching her a lesson by lying to her about what has happened, and then spending your money to mail back a 2p card to a hotel that will have long since forgotten about it also teaches her nothing at all.
I said it above, and a few others have suggested it too. If you want her to learn, get her to ring or email the hotel and explain and ask them what she should do with the card/can she pay for it/mail it back. And then she can do whatever they ask her to do.

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Poppysmom22 · 05/02/2024 14:07

Omg I didn’t realise I was supposed to hand these back I save them all the Tom ether make absolutely fab scrapers for the car windows

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Ridunclosity · 05/02/2024 14:08

I wouldn’t want to comment on the dynamics of having a child with ASD as this is outwith my experience.

As I said in my initial response, and many posters have agreed, it seems to be a non-event. However could this be an opportunity to explain the difference between things which have genuine value (and rightfully should not be taken in the first place/returned if there is a misunderstanding) and items which are in the grand scheme of things are truly mundane and shouldn’t become a morale quandary.

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sunnydays8 · 05/02/2024 14:11

I personally wouldn't be bothered.

However I think if you are going to return the key card you need to be honest with your daughter. Far better to tell her it was wrong to steal it so it needs to be returned than say the hotel phoned. The lesson of it's wrong to steal will be lost by your lies.

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Elphame · 05/02/2024 14:12

Return it. Had she asked they would have probably let her keep it but she didn't ask.

Yes it's of practically no value, but next time she might help herself to something valuable from someone you know. Autistic or not she needs to know she can't just keep something she has taken a fancy to.

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sprigatito · 05/02/2024 14:14

This is the equivalent of pinching a few extra napkins or a beer mat. And she's 14, not 5, so performatively making her return it isn't going to teach her anything. I would let it go. MN is silly about this sort of thing.

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WiddlinDiddlin · 05/02/2024 14:15

I don't understand all the lying and drama here.

She is old enough that you can discuss concepts like 'we don't take stuff simply because we want it' and 'if you ASK if you can keep stuff like this, often the answer will be yes'...

Posting it back and lying is not going to teach her much beyond not to tell you about it in future, and if she finds out you lied and she almost certainly will eventually, thats hardly a good lesson either!

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Excited101 · 05/02/2024 14:15

Of course she has to give it back! This could be a real pivotal lesson here that stealing doesn’t get you anywhere.

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DadJoke · 05/02/2024 14:20

The hotel doesn't remotely care about the keycard. It's not about the hotel.

If she is able to use email, have her email the hotel and say:

I have one of your keycards, and I'd really like to keep it as a souvenir of my trip. Please let me know if this is OK, if not, I'd be happy to send it back.

There is close to no chance they will say "no" and then it won't be stealing.

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CatamaranViper · 05/02/2024 14:22

I take back my previous comment. She didn't realise it had to be handed back in which isn't the same as stealing.

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Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 14:23

I've got the key card out of her room now. I can understand she wants a souvenir from the hotel so what I have done is taken these photos of the key card and I will laminate them for her to keep so that she still has a sounvnir from the hotel after the key card has been sent back. DH doesn't agree with me but at least I'm trying to teach DD that stealing isn't ok.

To make DD return stolen item?
To make DD return stolen item?
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Heather37231 · 05/02/2024 14:23

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:51

I've decided I will get the key card from DD's room now while she's at school and post it back by air mail and just tell DD that the hotel phoned asking for it back. Hopefully that will help her understand not to steal in future.

It will also teach her that hotels give a shit about keycards, which is utter nonsense. And when she works this out for herself (in months’/years’ time) she will also realise you lied to her.

You owe it to your daughter to instill in her a sense of proportion and an understanding of what is and isn’t important in the world.

It’s really common to keep things like theme park entry cards, tickets etc, it’s perfectly plausible that she had no idea the hotel preferred it to be returned. This is not theft and you are overreacting massively.

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LakeTiticaca · 05/02/2024 14:23

Don't bother. They will have a stock of blank ones which they just swipe and activate the room number. Pretty sure plenty Don't get returned

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Mariposistaaa · 05/02/2024 14:24

If she had forgotten to give it back (as lots of business travelers do) I would say not bother. But she actually intended to keep it and needs to know she can’t do that. Had she asked, Reception may have given her a blank one.

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BrightLightTonight · 05/02/2024 14:25

Personally, I would get your daughter to write to the hotel and confess that she took the card key, and send £5 to cover the cost. Then your daughter knows its not right to steal and there are consequences.

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Heather37231 · 05/02/2024 14:28

PMSL at “the hotel phoned and asked for it back”. The cost of an international phone call is WAY more than the value of the key card.

(Just checking, you do realise that the card would have been disabled and no longer opens the door of the room, right?)

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