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AIBU?

To make DD return stolen item?

189 replies

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 12:49

We stayed in a hotel recently. I've since found that my DD (autistic DD) has taken (stolen) one of the hotel room key cards even though it says that they need to be returned when checking out as they are reused for future customers/guests. DD says that she kept it because she "likes it" and "wants to keep it". I think she should return it/post it back to the hotel but DH says I'm "overreacting" because it is just a hotel room key card. AIBU to make DD return this stolen item?

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Am I being unreasonable?

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DeedlessIndeed · 05/02/2024 13:00

See I think this is a perfect teaching opportunity at very low stakes. She's mot going to get in trouble but should return it as it wasn't hers take.

Returning an item to a shop may have a greater financial impact on the business, but the principle is the same.

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Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:00

I've just checked my bank and I haven't been charged by the hotel for the key card yet.

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lifeispainauchocolat · 05/02/2024 13:00

I mean - morally yes, it's wrong but I doubt the hotel will even notice. I've had issues with keycards tons of times and they just grab me a fresh one out of a drawer.

I'd give her a consequence maybe but I wouldn't go to the hassle of returning it.

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GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 05/02/2024 13:01

Where is the line, for your DH, on what she can take without permission, and what she can't? And how is he going to teach her where that line is, as it sounds like it's not something she's going to be able to figure out on her own.

How is he going to make sure that it's not something of financial or sentimental value that she decides to keep next?

Is it not far easier to just have a blanket expectation of 'don't take things that aren't yours'

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TheFlis · 05/02/2024 13:01

There is a whole country track about this called Hotel Key by Old Dominion! I have accidentally taken a few of these in my time, it’s really not a big deal. Just explain to her she is not to take anything that does not belong to her in future.

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Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 05/02/2024 13:01

You will don’t be charged for the key card

they don’t keep count & will have no idea it’s missing

I stay in hotels regular and must’ve come home with at least a hundred over the years

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Ridunclosity · 05/02/2024 13:02

It’s a hotel keycard. My work bag is full of misplaced or forgotten to be returned hotel keycards. Occasionally I hand a fist full of them over when I remember at the same chain of hotel and it’s no big deal.

Just hand them back next time you are at are Marriot/Hilton/Premier Inn whatever - they are universal across the franchise.

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Pottedpalm · 05/02/2024 13:02

Where do you stand on then little bars of soap/bottles of shower gel not used?

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BringOnFebBankHoliday · 05/02/2024 13:02

Pixilicious1 · 05/02/2024 12:51

It’s a key card, they have hundreds and won’t miss it. Let her have it as a memento

Exactly! They'll have hundreds of them, and they're not individual to each room. They'll just program another card for that room.
It's not a big deal. You won't be charged for it!!

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Alwaysalwayscold · 05/02/2024 13:02

In order to teach her that she can't steal, by all means get her to write a note and put it in an envelope. But then I'd just bin it, it's not worth the price of a stamp to post it back to them.

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Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:02

DD has never stole anything before so this is the first time.

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DillyDilly · 05/02/2024 13:02

Did your DD know the card needed to be returned? Did you not drop them all off together ?

I am all for honesty, etc but really wouldn’t think twice about this - we stay in hotels regularly and seldom return all the room cards - mix of not being able to find them at the time - in the bottom of a bag or mislaid along the watch etc.

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Lavender14 · 05/02/2024 13:03

helpnohelpno · 05/02/2024 12:55

I have an asd child. I'm really torn on the one hand I appreciate how my son attaches to things and it's something you had during the stay, so more of a blurred boundary on ownership (to a child) plus they will be use to lost key cards.

But I would be concerned about setting a poor example.

I'd probably keep it but have a chat about taking things that aren't ours

I think this is where I'm landing too. Normally I'd say anything stolen should be returned but in this particular instance I'd let her keep it but explain the difference between taking things as souvenirs and taking things that we aren't allowed to take in the future.

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lifeispainauchocolat · 05/02/2024 13:03

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:00

I've just checked my bank and I haven't been charged by the hotel for the key card yet.

They won't charge you! Key cards are laid and misplaced all the time. Hotels have hundreds of things sat around in drawers.

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DillyDilly · 05/02/2024 13:03

This is not stealing and you are being over dramatic. Why is that ??

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CatamaranViper · 05/02/2024 13:04

Oof difficult!

So hotels always ask for keycards back and reuse what they can, but keycards also often break, get lost, get stole etc so the hotel will have plenty. They probably won't even notice this one is missing. I've definitely walked off with keycards before accidentally and not bothered to post them back to the hotel.

That said, your DD has stolen something, not accidentally forgotten to return something. Sure it's small fry, but it's more the principal of her taking something purposely that she shouldn't have. I don't know anything about raising a child with autism, but I would take the card off her as punishment. Send it back or throw it away, but I wouldn't allow her to keep it in this situation.

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Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:04

DillyDilly · 05/02/2024 13:02

Did your DD know the card needed to be returned? Did you not drop them all off together ?

I am all for honesty, etc but really wouldn’t think twice about this - we stay in hotels regularly and seldom return all the room cards - mix of not being able to find them at the time - in the bottom of a bag or mislaid along the watch etc.

DD is insisting that she didn't know it needed to be returned.

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MixingPlaydough · 05/02/2024 13:05

For all those saying it's just a key card and plenty of people have accidentally taken them etc you're surely missing the OPs main concern which is her child did this deliberately and if she's allowed to do so with no consequences how can her dad then say in future she's done something wrong if she steals something else?

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DillyDilly · 05/02/2024 13:05

Did the hotel actually say the cards ‘needed’ or ‘have’ to be returned ? Or was it more ‘we’d appreciate if you could’ or ‘please return’ ?

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lifeispainauchocolat · 05/02/2024 13:06

MixingPlaydough · 05/02/2024 13:05

For all those saying it's just a key card and plenty of people have accidentally taken them etc you're surely missing the OPs main concern which is her child did this deliberately and if she's allowed to do so with no consequences how can her dad then say in future she's done something wrong if she steals something else?

I really don't think of this as stealing in the first place.

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Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/02/2024 13:07

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 13:02

DD has never stole anything before so this is the first time.

So surely that's a good reason to insist she returns it to make sure this isn't repeated?

There's no real value to a key card and the hotel will "lose" them all the time, but I'd be more concerned about teaching her that we don't take things belonging to someone else

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ComfortableAtLastTookLongEnough · 05/02/2024 13:07

I would tell her that the hotel querying the non return, and that you explained to them that she was lured in by the souvenir aspect of it, they asked for a payment, you have paid it, and she now owes you x amount of £

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Mitherations · 05/02/2024 13:08

The fact that they won't charge you, and they have hundreds and won't realise it's missing isn't the point. If she applies the same logic when she's deciding whether to pop something in her pocket next time she's in Boots, she's going to get herself in some trouble.

Post it back.

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willingtolearn · 05/02/2024 13:08

I think it's even more important because she has ASD that you ensure boundaries are crystal clear for her.

It is not hers, she cannot keep it.

Otherwise she will see taking things as something that she is allowed to do, if she wants the item enough or is 'attached to it'.

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