If you vanished tomorrow, would your DP/DH care adequately for your kids?

[Naptrappedmummy]

Mine would - but not to the standard I do. It wouldn’t be anything social services-worthy but food wouldn’t be wiped off faces, school uniform would probably be worn one day too many, dinner would be fish fingers and baked beans, the TV would be on too much. That sort of thing.

For some reason thinking about it makes me really stressed!

It's always annoying seeing other people care for your kids differently from you. Especially if you can't take over/complain about it!
But your partner is probably posting saying you are a helicopter parent or something... It's all relative, you think your way is better, they think theirs is
Just appreciate the time you have together and if the worst happens then make sure your life insurance or pension thing is up to date.
Stressing about a what-if that doesn't even matter is a bit much!

They’d be fed and cared for. Probably lacking in emotional support and too many snacks/junk food. But he would make sure their homework was done and they had everything they needed

Yes, absolutely. They might get to fewer clubs because he wouldn't be able to cover the ones I currently do due to working hours. DD would have simpler hairstyles. But otherwise I don't think anything would be different in terms of their care.

He does most of the cooking anyway and buying presents etc.

Yes.

Yes. He does most school drop offs / collections and cooks tea anyway. Hair styling would be minimal and scruffy nursery clothes might get worn on a weekend but nothing major. Dentist appts etc would happen. We both work 4 days so equally care for the children at present.

Yes. No caveats.

I'm guilty of too much TV (at the weekends anyway), but dh is awful at meal planning and noticing what the kids look like. He's been in charge of school drop off recently as I've been on early starts at work. Dd went to school in her brother's filthy school jumper the other day and neither she nor dh noticed! I've also lost count of the number of times she hasn't brushed her hair and just shoved it in a ponytail. Dh doesn't notice or make sure she does it in the mornings.

No more early starts from the week after next so back to normal round here thankfully.

Edit: to answer your actual question, yes, they'd be fed and cared for. Homework, toothbrushing, dental appointments, trips out would all happen as they should. But they wouldn't get as much emotional support from him, they'd look scruffy and meals other than Sunday roast would be of the pizza / sandwich / fish fingers variety

There was a post identical to this a few days ago about if you had to go into hospital would your partner care for your kids

Yea, course he would.

Yes. No caveats, except he’d need to change job because of travel.

Yes of course he would and not just adequately but just as well as I would if he suddenly disappeared. I honestly don't understand why people would chose to stay with someone and often go on to have multiple children if they genuinely thought the answer to that question would be no.

Yes, if course he would.

Absolutely. He does a lot of the cooking anyway, so that wouldnt change.

He is a very active parent. Probably the biggest affect would be lack of playdates for my kids as he is quite shy/socially awkward.

He'd keep up their clubs, we feel the same about screens. He'd be very concerned for their mental health after losing their mother and would do a great job. Part of why I married/had kids with him.

Yes he would.

He would have to change job role due to travel. He had to do that when his first wife died and he had toddler DS to care for.

Same, except no more French plaits for DD. And they would probably eat more meat. Not better or worse; but different.

They'd be clean, fed but not healthily etc. It'd all be very practical but as for emotional support, they'd want for that. Dh and I balance out well. Im too soft but keep mental health in check, dh can be too militant but better at insisting chores are done more quickly, to a better standard etc.

If dh vanished they'd be minded, fed, clean etc but a bit more laid back. Theyd get there eventually! Theyre teens so it's mostly the emotional (and financial support) at this point anyway

Of course. I wouldn’t have had kids with someone who wasn’t an equal parent

Yes. Completely

I’d have no worries about his ability to care for the kids but basic household tasks like keeping on top of school events, emails, bills and not getting into debt for stupid stuff - I’d worry about that. He has ADHD and doesn’t do bureaucracy well despite his best intentions. He already does all the cooking and cleaning ironing uniforms etc and the school gates drop offs too but I have to manage his time or nothing would happen.

Better start writing a list of guidelines and instructions then!

It seems pointless to worry about this. It's unlikely to happen, even less likely to happen without warning and as long as your partner loves them and has concern for their health, safety and well being, all would be fine.

Most parenting differences are about attitudes and opinions. No two people parent 100% the same and a bit of variety isn't a big issue.

Mine are grown now, but yes, he would have looked after them well, though not exactly in the way I would. To be honest, he's done a lot of the day to day parenting anyway, since he's worked from home for most of their lives.

This is honestly something I’ve thought of lately. He would for sure make sure they have decent food, handle school stuff and maybe even help them find (basic) hobbies and so. But it’s me who always comes up with the fun stuff, I’m the one who finds kids events and activities, I arrange play dates and birthdays, I take them for cake at the nice cafe. I do worry that he would not be great at this kind of thing should something happen to me. I also think he wouldn’t come up with simple little fun things just at home. Like the other day me and kids just spontaneously make chocolate cookies but made some of them look like poos, just because our 4yo finds it hilarious 😆 DH just wouldn’t come up with stuff like this and the image makes me a bit sad if I think of it.

Definitely. Differently and possibly better. He’d be less consistent but would give them greater and more varied experiences I reckon.

Absolutely yes! He is brilliant with cooking etc and organising their activities, I'm probably more present on the emotional side. They are girls and confide in me more, but they know that they can talk to him about anything and do.
The thing that they would miss from me would be the small touches of comfort..water bottle in their bed, blanket when they are ill, a chocolate bar when they are down. But apart from that he would do a great job.

Yes. He'd possibly take a while to get into the dentist, optician, hairdresser routine. But once he'd got that into his calendar, he's sufficiently detail driven to set himself reminders.

All of the cooking, laundry, extra curriculars, homework support etc would be a breeze for him.

The only bit he'd struggle with is the emotional support our teen DD needs. Understanding why friendship woes are such a big deal, happily trying every potion in Boots to tackle the sports, confidence crises, etc. He'd likely farm that side of things out to my sis.

Absolutely not. Doesn’t warrant thinking about