If you vanished tomorrow, would your DP/DH care adequately for your kids?

[Naptrappedmummy]

Mine would - but not to the standard I do. It wouldn’t be anything social services-worthy but food wouldn’t be wiped off faces, school uniform would probably be worn one day too many, dinner would be fish fingers and baked beans, the TV would be on too much. That sort of thing.

For some reason thinking about it makes me really stressed!

Yes, but their clothing would be awful ! Dh can’t match colours to save his life !!!

Yes.

except I iron better than him, tho he can and does iron.

No, he wouldn't be able to cope and would most likely move in his mother so that he could continue to live his current lifestyle.

Aside from the breastfeeding years, DH is a truly 50/50 parent. They’d be absolutely fine.

I think the only thing he might have issue with is doing hair and buying clothes as I do that. But he’d learn!

He’s the main cook in our house anyway and is very good domestically- better than me.

We’d find it harder without him I think.

No

He's an ex husband. It doesn't exactly keep me up at night but it does make me look three times before crossing roads these days

He admitted himself he couldn't cope with a busy family life and regretted having 2 of our children as he was packing his bags to leave after 20 years

No one will love my children like I do or raise them the way I can

Yes, no question. He has three step daughters (my daughters, all teenage) and I know every single one would choose to stay with him over going to their actual father. One of my daughters is autistic and very emotionally reliant on me, she would hugely struggle if I were to not be around, but I have no doubt he would step in and care for her brilliantly if the need arose.

He'd do his best, but it wouldn't be great. My DC would be in nursery for as many hours as possible I suspect.

Yes. Because I chose an adult to have children with.

That's true, some people do turn into twats after having kids. But I see a lot of the threads on here where there was an imbalance pre-kids as well, which I get as I was in a long term relationship before my husband where I did most of the adulting, and I almost had kids with him because I naively thought that he would change and I was young and hopeful. Thankfully I grew up a bit more and realised he would be a rubbish father at that time (not sure about now, it's been 15 years!) and ditched him and got with my best friend, who had been my equal since the start 🤷‍♀️

Funnily enough so did I , little did I know 2 DC were his limit and he couldn't cope at all. He's an ex but he promised the world before we had them and even with 1 DC I was pretty confident that he'd cope, it then went to pot with another planned DC.

Of course. He's just as much his parent as I am.

No he wouldn’t. He huffs when they ask him something. Wears AirPods around the house (to stop himself thinking) so when they try to talk to him they have to repeat several times and get a WHAT?!
makes promises he doesn’t keep.
doesn’t take them to activities if he gets push back from them
he loves babies but is ill equipped for the years in between.

just as well I’m here

no doubt in my mind he’d replace me very quickly to be the “mum”

I’ve separated but no, my ex would probably have managed, just. But they wouldn’t have had many presents for Christmas or birthdays, never had a dentist check up, there regular meals wouldn’t be cooked and their clothes would be too small. Meanwhile their dad went overseas for 7yrs of their childhood and nothing changed

I had surgery this week and if what I’ve overheard is anything to go by, the fundamentals would be good: bath, good meals and bedtime but her hair, uniform and having the correct things would be very hit and miss.

the house wouldn’t survive though…

My DH was formerly widowed - as was I.

So yes, he is used to being a single parent. He was doing most of it anyway as DSD's mother was an alcoholic and neglectful.

But... don't underestimate the impact of losing a partner to death. Or I suppose if you also mean you just walked out. Most people do fall apart a bit and standards slip.

I can’t even have a hysterectomy as he couldn’t cope with them by himself. He was a successful businessman who lived in a spotless flat when I met him. He got depressed after our second child gained huge amounts of weight and sold his business. Sometimes I genuinely hate him but in sickness and in health and all that!!

Yes he would on a practical level but I'd worry about the emotional support for my 13 year old DD. He doesn't get what it's like being a teenage girl being a bloke and not having had a sister and thinks all the girl drama is silly (it is but not to DD). He just can't relate to her in that way although he's a caring dad and would try his best I'm sure.

They would be ok. Worst thing is they would have to go to my exh so would have to change schools and miss their friends.

I think dd would want to stay with my dh but I don't think ex would allow that.

Dd wouldn't have her hair washed enough and they would both look scruffy a lot of the time.

Damn that's a horrible thought altogether

Unfortunately not. Weirdly i have being worrying about this lately. He has adhd (as to the kids) and struggles with everything kid wise. they'd have basic care met but probably that's about it. I do everything, They would have to live with their grandma and weekends with him.

I always joke that if we were to divorce, he'd get custody without a second thought and yet I was the SAHM!
DH is very involved with the kids day to day lives. He likes the various appointments they have to be when he's not on shift so that he can go. He does much of the laundry (he enjoys it.... Weirdo!) even though he's full time worker and I work just 24 hours a week when the kids are in school. The only thing he wouldn't be able to do is home cooking from scratch. That's mama's thing. He can kick butt with chicken nuggets and waffles or frozen pizzas but if you want real food it's me who makes it.

He knows their food likes, medical details, best friends, sports or extra activities details, he knows DD1's work schedule (works part time as well as going to school) and come Christmas Day, he knows what's wrapped in each gift because he was there when it was bought.

I don't deserve him.

Zero doubts that it wouldn't continue as we have started.
His only flaw is not being able to see into the future so during the first few months I see the odd emergency purchase of new knickers due to a mismatch in washing clothes before they are needed until he gets into a routine. I plan ahead what clothes she will need and he will buy as required. Aside from those minor differences I think her care would continue in the same way.

When I had our daughter I had severe depression and for a year he provided us with all the care that both me and her needed. Without comment and without quarrel.

The house would run like clockwork. Dinners would be healthy and varied. Clothes would be clean …… but my kids emotional needs would 100% NOT be met 🙄

Adequately, I'd like to think so. But same as you - the tv would be on far too much, they wouldn't eat as healthy (my DH would live on pizza, garlic bread and carbonara if he could. Chocolate for dessert).
It isn't something I want to think about too deeply🙈

Nah. He dropped out 32 years ago.

It's o.k. Better to be alone than in a violent relationship. DS grew up all the better for it.

If I dropped down dead tomorrow, well, he's an adult and has my side of the family, as well as all his friends around (since primary school days).

Absolutely. He's the most caring and hands on dad to our son, I feel extremely lucky.

Although DS's outfits would be questionable.