If you vanished tomorrow, would your DP/DH care adequately for your kids?

[Naptrappedmummy]

Mine would - but not to the standard I do. It wouldn’t be anything social services-worthy but food wouldn’t be wiped off faces, school uniform would probably be worn one day too many, dinner would be fish fingers and baked beans, the TV would be on too much. That sort of thing.

For some reason thinking about it makes me really stressed!

Glad to hear it's not just me. My husband was an amazing "fun Dad" when they were small and bloody hopeless at "wind down" - concept literally lost on him! Now they are older, fun Dad is defunct, and sitting still and calmly listening to them is so much more important!

No problem. Our children are adults now but when they were little he was the main parent. Now it's the grandchildren that come around and he loves them being here. Unless you've married a complete buffoon I think most men are more than capable of caring for their children (and you if necessary - I was seriously ill for some time and he looked after mel). You just have to get used to the idea that they may do it differently.

Mine are adults now but I think DH would have coped, he was very hands on (twins), and adored them, still does. In some ways it might have been a more relaxed household if he was in charge. I was overwhelmed with two at once and with hindsight went straight into a "we must have a routine at all costs" kind of mode. DH was much more chilled. Perhaps it was a good balance.

He's a good cook, doesn't really see mess but again is that the end of the world!

Yes, it's like he only gets that he's happy if he has a big clown smile on his face. But he's quite often happy with me because he's looking at something, he's tired, he's chilled - so long as he's not making unhappy noises, basically!

Laughing is good for about ten minutes, content is good for hours!

(having said that, he's great when he's overtired, which is just as well because it's him that gets him overtired...)

I also have to say that I don't begrudge him being Fun Dad one bit. I can only be Fun Mum so much of the day, and on Mat Leave it's hard to summon the energy!

They'd be well looked after, but would have to adjust to a stricter time schedule, have dinner later be home alone a lot not always have someone to collect and drop them places . Do more chores around the house , probably not have pets .

I bloody hope so as he’s a stay at home parent! 😁 plus he’d be in the money as I’m insured to the hilt

Nope, she'd have no clean clothes and he would have a fucking clue about school stuff.
Plus I dread to think what state the house would be in. I'd be surprised if social services or child welfare didn't end up at the door within a month.

These boards are more full of women who ignored the signs and just hoped for the best.

Very, very few men suddenly change into terrible partners after the fourth child.

It’s not always even an unequal dynamic, just different. We have friends who split everything exactly, alternating days for cooking, getting up with the kids, school runs, kids’ activities etc. They have a spreadsheet with week A and week B. Week A one parent is responsible for cleaning kitchen and bathroom, and the other parent living room and bedrooms, week B they swap. It works brilliantly for them but dp and I realised very early on in our relationship that we work better as a couple when we play to our individual strengths and have our own roles.

So if I suddenly wasn’t here, he might struggle a bit initially. He might not realise that dd having football on a Tuesday means her kit needs to be washed by Sunday to ensure it’s dry in time, or that dinner needs to be ready to eat as soon as they get home afterwards otherwise he’ll end up with over tired and cranky children. He might not remember which days they have PE or that he needs to order school meals in advance. He might not do their reading with them or supervise spellings. He might forget to cut their toenails or check for nits. He might open the fridge and realise he hadn’t planned anything for dinner and he hasn’t gone shopping… but he’s more than capable of learning all this stuff and I’m sure he would after the initial adjustment period.

I think the thing he’d most struggle with is having less time for himself, at the moment he still gets a lot of time for his own interests and hobbies and relaxation time when I’m cooking/clearing up/ getting dc ready for bed. He’s a good parent partly because he does have this, eg when I’ve got the dc ready for bed he’s recharged to read them stories. He’s happy to take them to their clubs etc knowing that he will get 3 hours to do his own hobby later in the afternoon. I think he’d really struggle not being able to do his hobbies because I wasn’t there to have the dc and having less relaxation time because he was having to use that time to cook or clean up.

Absolutely. He is brilliant with. He's much more instinctively paternal than I am maternal.