Am I the unreasonable neighbour?

[BeckyOrange02859]

I recently bought a semi detached house and redecorated most of it. It was empty for about 2 years before I bought it as the previous owner died.

The problem I've got is soundproofing isn't great. If I sit in absolute silence, I can even hear the water flowing when my neighbours turn a tap on. I believe they own their property but not sure. When sat in silence, I can hear when they use their microwave, the soundproofing is that bad. I can't move to another room as such because it's a party wall, all the rooms are up against their property if you know what I mean.

When I moved in, during the first week I moved in, in the day they came round to complain that my TV was too loud, so then I turned it down. I've tried to be more quiet, but I can regularly hear them arguing in the day. They mentioned they like to go to bed at 10pm and would like me to be quiet after this time, but I often like to watch TV until midnight sometimes of a weekend.

Last night I had two friends round and we was having a couple of drinks but didn't have music or TV on or anything like that and they came round at 2am to tell us to be more quiet.

I feel like I can't enjoy my own home for fear of upsetting my neighbours. I have never complained to them once and I think if they are more bothered by noise than me they should pay to get soundproofing fitted on their house or I should just ignore them.

Am I being unreasonable?

Well consider natural noise dampeners in your main room. Put a book shelf on the internal wall which will dampen sounds, or a fabric wall hanging on the adjoining wall. Make sure you've a rug on your floor to absorbs sounds.

@DNLove done that, got a put sofa and table up against wall etc it's done very little to affect it

@BeckyOrange02859 a conversation has possibilities. No conversation means going down a path of becoming increasingly bad neighbours

Carpets?
Rugs?
Curtains?

@Seeline thank you for suggestions, but I've done all of that before posting this thread

So where we are is.. you can both hear each other, it doesn't bother you, but it bothers then. So next time they call to ask you to keep the noise down tell them you can also hear everything they do but it doesn't bother you and you're happy to live with it. If it bothered them then they should look into soundproofing their home.
You will never have a friendly relationship with your neighbours and you seem to be happy with that.

The op has said you can hear the microwave being used and taps running through the wall so what makes you think they were being loud?

@DNLove yes this is how I feel exactly.

@MoreDollies I get that and I will go talk to them soon as I agree with you, but what if it achieves nothing.

86% saying I'm not being unreasonable, thanks all.

The best easy sound proofing is shelves of books against the party wall. Why don't you both agree to put books against the wall and increase soft furnishings and if it's still a problem look into proper sound proofing.

I'm a singer and I can tell you the difference between singing in an empty hall and a full hall is astounding, the sound gets absorbed by the bodies. So there are physical changes you can make to improve the situation.

Personally I feel that in the situation you are in, no music or TV after 10 is a reasonable ask from them.

That is in no way reasonable. My children are up later than that. Some people will just be getting home from work or whatever at that time. They can wear ear plugs if they want an early night, in fact any more complaints and I'd be posting some through their door along with a request to stop harassing me.
Carry on living your life op, you're doing nothing wrong.

My homes the same, can hear my neighbour weeing, coughing, turn the tap on. They once told me they don't flush the chain if they get up to wee in the night as they know I can hear it. I took that as they were asking me to do the same. Neither of us have complained we just get on with it. I'm up watching tv until 2am some nights then up early for work.

If it doesn't then at least you can take the moral high ground and know you did what you could to make amends, and you stood up for yourself in the process.

Yes, 86% said YANBU and I clicked that before I read all the comments, including your responses. Which is why I don't think you're unreasonable just from your OP but clarifying that you are, slightly, in your response.

Just shut up after 10pm at weekend and weekdays and all will be well.

I was fcking livid around three weekends ago when my neighbours had a friend over and he talked really loudly to the point I couldn't sleep from 10pm til 3.30am. I made sure to put guitar amp on from 8am and play some music for them. Don't fCK with people's sleep. It won't go down well.

I don't care if it's a one off. I need my sleep.

No music or TV after 10pm is absolutely NOT a reasonable ask (assuming it’s at a ‘normal’ volume).

You’re making a rod for your own back by not letting them know you can hear their noise. I’d be complaining to them every time you find it disturbing otherwise they’re going to be completely unaware that it goes both ways and they’re going to be assuming that you’re a noisy neighbour and they’re fine.

@Vettrianofan that's not unreasonable noise if just once though, that's just bad quality of UK housing. Just talking even if loud isn't like a loud stereo system for example

They were so loud I couldn't sleep. I noticed their visitor left in a taxi at 3.30am. i am sure they won't do it again after my reaction. We haven't had a chance to speak to them but next time in passing it's getting mentioned to be quiet after 11pm tops.

@Vettrianofan I understand that, but what if it were the other way round and they worked nights and complained about your normal living noise during the day?

It's the same problem.

We are considerate at all times of day and night. I hardly make a sound as I study Monday to Friday and use headphones.

Pissing myself laughing at the idea that OP, who is just doing normal things in her home (even slightly loud conversation with drinks until 2am once in a blue moon is not unreasonable, come on ) should have a 10pm sound curfew.

even if you were a bit loud, as a one off in 2 years on a friday night, it's hardly that big of a deal. Without music or anything on it's just 3 people talking loudly. Given presumably you were in your living room and they in their bedroom how disruptive could that be? As you say, imagine they had an actually loud family or crying baby!

I completely agree with you that it's probably just the shock of having any neighbour. I have a semi-detached, the first couple were really quiet, but I could still hear whenever their phones rung etc. Then it was empty for a few months so it was a shock when the next family moved in, particularly because they WERE loud - I can hear literally everything, dogs barking, music playing, having sex, screaming at each other, as if they were in the room with me. Sound insulation in newer builds in the UK is shit.

The only part you're being unreasonable is not standing up for yourself. This is MN so of course people are going to keep suggesting you spend a fortune on sound-proofing even though you've already said you can't afford to do so, so your only recourse is to say firmly to them. 'You have a completely unrealistic idea of what normal neighbourly noise is and don't seem to understand that I can hear everything you do as well as you hearing me. I am really quiet compared to the vast majority of neighbours you could have had and I am not going to stop doing completely normal things like watching TV after 10pm or having friends over occasionally on the weekend. If it bothers you that much then invest in soundproofing.'

What can they do? If they try coming round again to moan to you after that don't answer the door. If they tried complaining to police or the council they'd be laughed out the door for 'someone watching TV at 10.30 on a Saturday night,' and presumably wouldn't want to do so anyway because then they'd have to declare a dispute if they came to sell their house.

@BeckyOrange02859 your neighbours are batshit.

Nothing you describe is anything other than normal enjoyment of your home.

As long as you are not having all night raves every weekend then live in your home the way you see fit.

If the neighbours complain then you politely explain that you are not making excessive noise, you are sorry it disturbs them but that is the price you pay for living in a semi. And then point out it works both ways and you can hear their arguing and microwave but accept that it is normal enjoyment of their home.

Then do not engage. They won't get far even if they complain to their council. So don't stress!!

This approach specifically suggested timing, could be a good way to go forward

@tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz yep this is how I feel exactly haha.

One of my family members worked nights many years ago and the neighbours didn't care how much noise they made in the day, like a loud lawnmower in summer day time for example would be a problem.

UK properties are so terrible, mouldy, badly soundproofed, badly insulated etc. Why aren't building regulations better?

I was up sharp the following day and got no sleep at all. I have small DC who are up 6am regardless of the day of the week. You certainly wouldn't like it if it was once in a blue moon. If I got a long lie after hearing loud neighbours til 2am that would be a different story. I could also lie in and take the hit. Unfortunately that's impossible with small DC.

Me too. Actually after my experiences I would love OP to move in next to me