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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the unreasonable neighbour?

253 replies

BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:22

I recently bought a semi detached house and redecorated most of it. It was empty for about 2 years before I bought it as the previous owner died.

The problem I've got is soundproofing isn't great. If I sit in absolute silence, I can even hear the water flowing when my neighbours turn a tap on. I believe they own their property but not sure. When sat in silence, I can hear when they use their microwave, the soundproofing is that bad. I can't move to another room as such because it's a party wall, all the rooms are up against their property if you know what I mean.

When I moved in, during the first week I moved in, in the day they came round to complain that my TV was too loud, so then I turned it down. I've tried to be more quiet, but I can regularly hear them arguing in the day. They mentioned they like to go to bed at 10pm and would like me to be quiet after this time, but I often like to watch TV until midnight sometimes of a weekend.

Last night I had two friends round and we was having a couple of drinks but didn't have music or TV on or anything like that and they came round at 2am to tell us to be more quiet.

I feel like I can't enjoy my own home for fear of upsetting my neighbours. I have never complained to them once and I think if they are more bothered by noise than me they should pay to get soundproofing fitted on their house or I should just ignore them.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
YireosDodeAver · 04/02/2024 10:51

Next time they complain reply "it's not my fault the walls are so thin. I hear it if you use the microwave or turn on a tap - blane the builders not me."

Both of you should put up this stuff on both sides of all party walls:
https://buildersinsulation.co.uk/products/hush-panel-17--thin-acoustic-insulated-overlay-board.html

Or if they don't want to invest that much they can wear earplugs.

We are in a semi. We can hear our neighbours. It's normal. You live with it or you move to a detached house. If you can't afford detatched you just learn to live with it.

If they complain to the council about noise they will be told to put up with it if you arejust enjoying a normal domestic lifestyle with normal levels of noise for totally reasonable activities including chatting with friends.

LenaLamont · 04/02/2024 10:51

The trouble is they have got used to years of silence next door, while it was vacant, and aren’t used to the reality of living in a semi with neighbours.

My neighbour and I used to text Bless You when the other one sneezed. It was a running joke that you can hear everything.

Tell them you can hear them too, mention specifics. Then suggest both of you look into ways to soundproof the shared wall.

Either that or they just learn to live with it.

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:51

I don't really have the money to improve soundproofing, and they told me once they retired a few years back so they probably don't either

OP posts:
lifeispainauchocolat · 04/02/2024 10:51

Tell them you can hear everything they do as well - from running water to using the microwave.

Maybe you could both split the cost of improving the soundproofing between the properties?

PinkiOcelot · 04/02/2024 10:52

I can imagine having a noisy neighbour is terrible, but this doesn’t sound like that at all. Maybe they have got used to silence over the 2 years the house was empty but they don’t get to dictate how you live your life in your own home.

The next time they complain, say well actually I was going to come and have a word with you about x,y and z. Tell them to stop using their microwave! Ridiculous? Yes but so is what they’re saying to you.

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:52

Yes I think it's because they had an empty house next to them for 2 years

OP posts:
redalex261 · 04/02/2024 10:52

As others have said both parties need to jointly improve the soundproofing. Obviously if the house had been empty for two years they have been used to no noise and will not realise how poor the soundproofing really is - invite them in - ask them to put their telly on at normal volume and come into your house/to turn on appliances, have one of them speak in a normal voice and listen from your side. Then perhaps you can both be a bit more tolerant if you can’t agree to jointly pay for soundproofing. It is not one side’s responsibility to cover fill cost if both benefitting.

owlsinthedaylight · 04/02/2024 10:53

I think they have just got used to the house being empty for 2 years and forgotten what it is like to live in a semi.

You need to find a way to let them know you can hear them too.

I would take a note of what you are aware going on for a day “at 8:15 you had the microwave on, at 9:20 you were watching morning TV, at 2:45 you had an argument about who fed the cat, at 6:50 you had a bath … do you agree we should both address the soundproofing?”

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:54

I just don't get why houses are built like this like surely it would have been better to put front doors next to each other to block some of the sound?

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 04/02/2024 10:54

I’d split the cost of soundproofing, it’s just not worth the hassle on either side.

TheOccupier · 04/02/2024 10:54

Use headphones for your TV - cheap easy win.

DNLove · 04/02/2024 10:54

I would have a conversation with them at a time away from a complaint. Call in some day when emotions aren't high and have a discussion about how you will solve the issue together. Explain to them that you can also hear everything they do. Mention the argument, the microwave, appreciate no one has been in house for 2 years so it's a new noise but it's not because you're doing anything excessive. Say if they want you to prove it you can text them a running commentary for a day or 2 as to what's going on in their house. I'm sure they'll realise they don't want you hearing every word of their arguments in future.
Maybe in advance look at some options that could remediate the problems and discuss how you could get to a resolution together.

StoorieHoose · 04/02/2024 10:56

Maybe their last neighbour was noisy and they are attuned to noise now

If you know the soundproofing is bad and you and two mates were sat drinking til 2am I can guarantee you knew your neighbours could hear you. A microwave or tap going off is standard household noise. Sitting drinking with your pals til gone 2 is not

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:57

I don't think I can afford soundproofing, particularly with what's happening with Cost of living I barely put heating on as it is etc.

One of their visitors blocked my drive off once and I knocked and asked them to move it which they did politely but we don't have a great neighbour relationship.

If I'm honest I don't want to talk to them at all.

OP posts:
ohdamnitjanet · 04/02/2024 10:57

I agree no TV after 10 is ridiculous, as is wearing earplugs. I once had some hellishly noisy neighbours that made my life a misery, so I am aware it can be awful. But even the odd 2am wouldn’t make me complain, people are allowed to reasonably enjoy their home. There is definitely a chat to be had about how much you can also hear, they are so used to silence it is so likely they have no idea. If they don’t meet you halfway I’d just carry on being normal.

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:59

@StoorieHoose for the past 2 years there was no neighbour it was empty. Really, just having a drink and talking a 2am is unreasonable?

So I can't talk to anyone after 10pm in my own house?

OP posts:
Containerhome · 04/02/2024 10:59

You need to tell them you can hear them too. They must think you are just really loud when you aren't because they have had an empty property next to them for 2 years. Maybe then suggest you both look into sound proofing etc. Tell them you can hear their microwave kettle etc.

Legoninjago1 · 04/02/2024 11:00

Oh this is a tough one. I'm an early sleeper and I hate any noise from my neighbours in the evenings! However, I fully appreciate that I'm being unreasonable (and one day I will definitely move to the middle of nowhere!) so I'd never say anything. It would really, really annoy me to hear your TV watching and your chatting, but irrespective, you are completely entitled to do both all night if you want - as long as both are at a normal volume.
I think I'd be looking to move to a property that's more fit for purpose as soon as possible.

Whinge · 04/02/2024 11:01

If I'm honest I don't want to talk to them at all.

Why not? Confused The problem can be solved with a simple conversation.

Just explain that you can also hear their noise, and that you appreciate the soundproofing is rubbish but unfortunately you don't have the money to sort it at the moment.

It really doesn't need to be a big drama.

Edit - Spelling errors

StoorieHoose · 04/02/2024 11:02

BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:59

@StoorieHoose for the past 2 years there was no neighbour it was empty. Really, just having a drink and talking a 2am is unreasonable?

So I can't talk to anyone after 10pm in my own house?

So they are used to no noise and now they will hear everything

2am sitting drinking with some pals I think that you were louder than you think you were. Sound travels differently at night

In my old house I heard everything my neighbours did. It always seems louder at night

lifeispainauchocolat · 04/02/2024 11:03

BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:59

@StoorieHoose for the past 2 years there was no neighbour it was empty. Really, just having a drink and talking a 2am is unreasonable?

So I can't talk to anyone after 10pm in my own house?

I don't know - I think most people would be annoyed if they were kept awake by noisy neighbours at 2am.

The talking itself isn't unreasonable but you know sound travels so maybe you need to make more of a conscious effort to sit elsewhere if possible.

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 11:07

@Legoninjago1 yes it is a tough one!

@Whinge because honestly I can't be bothered. Their noise doesn't bother me as it's typical noise. I've heard them argue at night but they've never been loud enough to wake me up so I really just want to leave it.

OP posts:
MoreDollies · 04/02/2024 11:07

Your actually behaviours in your house are not unreasonable. But the way you are not trying to deal with it is.

Your responses strike me that you don't want to/can't afford to do anything about it - even down to trying to have civil conversation to get it resolved. Which would make you a bit of an AH to be honest.

The fact that you don't want to or CBA to complain and just live with their noise, is your preference. There's is to try to minimise what they can hear of you.

People have been suggesting you try different things and your responses suggest you don't want to, and just want MN to tell you YANBU.

Yes building construction is bad but 'just' complaining about it and not doing anything about it isn't going to make any difference, and doesn't seem to be better making you feel better about it either.

ACynicalDad · 04/02/2024 11:08

I’d say you and your neighbors both need to accept what a shit build it is and be considerate but also accept that once in a while you will have friends round and it will be annoying to the other, but not to overdo it, and suggest if either of you is redecorating you’d be wise to add a layer of sound proofing.

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 11:09

@MoreDollies I admit you have a point. But what's a conversation going to do? We clearly disagree as they go to bed early and I don't. That's not going to change is it?

I mean I had a job where I once worked nights I bet they wouldn't change the amount of noise for that! Especially when their grandchild is screaming the place down of a weekend (visiting their place)

OP posts: