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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the unreasonable neighbour?

253 replies

BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:22

I recently bought a semi detached house and redecorated most of it. It was empty for about 2 years before I bought it as the previous owner died.

The problem I've got is soundproofing isn't great. If I sit in absolute silence, I can even hear the water flowing when my neighbours turn a tap on. I believe they own their property but not sure. When sat in silence, I can hear when they use their microwave, the soundproofing is that bad. I can't move to another room as such because it's a party wall, all the rooms are up against their property if you know what I mean.

When I moved in, during the first week I moved in, in the day they came round to complain that my TV was too loud, so then I turned it down. I've tried to be more quiet, but I can regularly hear them arguing in the day. They mentioned they like to go to bed at 10pm and would like me to be quiet after this time, but I often like to watch TV until midnight sometimes of a weekend.

Last night I had two friends round and we was having a couple of drinks but didn't have music or TV on or anything like that and they came round at 2am to tell us to be more quiet.

I feel like I can't enjoy my own home for fear of upsetting my neighbours. I have never complained to them once and I think if they are more bothered by noise than me they should pay to get soundproofing fitted on their house or I should just ignore them.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Glenthebattleostrich · 04/02/2024 10:25

Whilst I don't think you are unreasonable to enjoy your home, I would look into improving the soundproofing.

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:27

I understand that but I've never complained to them once, and I have heard them arguing at night once and I just left it. I feel as because they're the one bothered by the noise and I'm just choosing to not be bothered by it shouldn't they improve their soundproofing if they want to improve it?

Why is the soundproofing of UK properties so bad?

OP posts:
doilooklikeicare · 04/02/2024 10:29

YANBU and I would counter their request with "well add some sound proofing", once you start changing your life to please them, it'll be never ending.

hydriotaphia · 04/02/2024 10:29

Personally I feel that in the situation you are in, no music or TV after 10 is a reasonable ask from them. Can you use headphones to watch after that time. I think they were u to ask you to stop talking after 10. I think to keep the peace I'd go over and say that you had no intention to disturb them but that you are often able to hear their conversations too.

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:39

That's the problem I've got with this, some family members say I should be really quiet after 9pm but friends think that if I'm not complaining to them (I've never complained) then its their problem to sort the soundproofing in the same way that if I was really bothered by their noise it would be up to me to sort the soundproofing on my side

OP posts:
Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:40

@doilooklikeicare that's my concern. I mean during the stormy weather recently the noise outside was louder than me

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 04/02/2024 10:42

In general, it sounds ok, but I think if they had to get up to ask you to be quiet at 2am, you probably were being very loud, particularly after a few drinks.

mamacorn1 · 04/02/2024 10:43

no tv and music after 10pm ?! Really, it’s your own home and unless you are partying or playing the drums they should mind their own and buy ear plugs.
i would tell them that you hear them arguing each day and have never asked them to be quiet. I think you have to front it and tell that back off- or you’re not going to be able to live like this. If they want soundproofing they can buy it too… seeing as the issues are theirs really

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:44

@KrisAkabusi I can understand what you mean, but we had no TV or music on, we were just talking.

Just this moment I have my TV on low and I can hear they've just put their microwave on whilst my TV is on.

OP posts:
Seeline · 04/02/2024 10:45

hydriotaphia · 04/02/2024 10:29

Personally I feel that in the situation you are in, no music or TV after 10 is a reasonable ask from them. Can you use headphones to watch after that time. I think they were u to ask you to stop talking after 10. I think to keep the peace I'd go over and say that you had no intention to disturb them but that you are often able to hear their conversations too.

As long as the OP isn't playing music at full blast etc, I think it is totally unreasonable to say people can't watch TV etc in their own homes after 10pm! And I say that as someone who always goes to bed at 10pm.

Tinkerbyebye · 04/02/2024 10:45

YANBU. It’s just normal noise

next time they come round just tell them you hear them arguing the microwave etcetc

and suggest both of you sound proof the party wall

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 04/02/2024 10:46

If you've never complained theybprobably just think you are load and don't realise you can also hear them

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 04/02/2024 10:46

For the 2am thing, yes.
For the rest, no.
But it does sound like both parties need to have a civilised chat about how to improve soundproofing on both sides.

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:46

I've never played music at full blast as I don't like loud music like that. I get the feeling because the house was empty for 2 years they weren't aware of soundproofing issues either and are very noise sensitive maybe just wondered if I was being unreasonable

OP posts:
doilooklikeicare · 04/02/2024 10:47

BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:40

@doilooklikeicare that's my concern. I mean during the stormy weather recently the noise outside was louder than me

Exactly! If they're not happy .... they can sort it!

You're not being unreasonable, it's not like you're partying every night.

Seeline · 04/02/2024 10:47

Have either property got carpets or is it laminate/floorboards?
Curtains or shutters?

Soft furnishings really help absorb sound.

doilooklikeicare · 04/02/2024 10:47

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 04/02/2024 10:46

For the 2am thing, yes.
For the rest, no.
But it does sound like both parties need to have a civilised chat about how to improve soundproofing on both sides.

For sitting and taking in her own home? Really?

Floopani · 04/02/2024 10:47

Where is your TV? Is it mounted on the party wall or against it? That might be making the issue worse.

There is an option here where you both agree the soundproofing isn't great and looks to solve it together.

Topofthemountain · 04/02/2024 10:48

Are they aware that you can hear everything that they do? They may just think you are being really loud, not realising the sound is simply travelling.

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:48

I work full time Monday to Friday, so am generally not noisy anyway as I go to sleep myself at like 10-11pm or so in the week it is just of a weekend

OP posts:
Whinge · 04/02/2024 10:48

KrisAkabusi · 04/02/2024 10:42

In general, it sounds ok, but I think if they had to get up to ask you to be quiet at 2am, you probably were being very loud, particularly after a few drinks.

I agree. It would take a lot for most people to go round to talk to a neighbour, most people would just lie in bed and moan to their partner.

I'm not sure why you haven't mentioned that you can also hear noise from their property. It's not complaining, and it's worth pointing out the problem goes both ways. You can hear them as much as they can hear you. Although it's also worth remembering they've been used to an empty house for 2 years, so perhaps they've forgotten what it's like to have everyday neighbour noise.

Sodndashitall · 04/02/2024 10:49

Our terrace of houses is terrible for soundproofing. I've paid to soundproof one side as that side is rental and they are way noisier. I know also that we make noise and I scream at kids sometimes.
So I'd approach the neighbour and say that you will make an effort to keep noise down but you can't never watch TV after 10pm as that is not reasonable. Not having late parties making noise is reasonable.

It may also be worth asking them what bedroom arrangements they have compared to living space. We had a previous flat where the bedroom adjoined neighbours living room and that caused a bit of issue because we were trying to sleep and therefore the TV, whilst not loud, was annoying. Sound is like water and travels through anything.

Original poster
BeckyOrange02859 · 04/02/2024 10:49

@Floopani no it's on the opposite to the party wall.

@Topofthemountain I think so, I think I mentioned it to them once but I honestly cant remember. But then again if they can hear me talking they must realise I can hear them too!

OP posts:
Peridot1 · 04/02/2024 10:50

They have been living next door to an empty house for two years so so any noise will be a change for them.

If I were you I would go around and have a chat. Ask one of them over to your house and ask the other to run water and switch the microwave on so they can understand how much noise carries. And then put your tv on about how you would normally have it and ask to hear what that is like in their house. Then you all know what it’s ok for the other party.

Then maybe have a chat about what you can do moving forward. Possibly getting both houses soundproofed. You might get a good price if you have both done at the same time.

It doesn’t have to be a major deal unless it’s made into one by one party being defensive and the other aggressive. You all need to be aware of the issues from the other party’s side.

RenovationRenovationRenovation · 04/02/2024 10:50

Surely a nicer option is to open up dialogue.

Can't you both work together to improve soundproofing on both sides?