Am I the unreasonable neighbour?

[BeckyOrange02859]

I recently bought a semi detached house and redecorated most of it. It was empty for about 2 years before I bought it as the previous owner died.

The problem I've got is soundproofing isn't great. If I sit in absolute silence, I can even hear the water flowing when my neighbours turn a tap on. I believe they own their property but not sure. When sat in silence, I can hear when they use their microwave, the soundproofing is that bad. I can't move to another room as such because it's a party wall, all the rooms are up against their property if you know what I mean.

When I moved in, during the first week I moved in, in the day they came round to complain that my TV was too loud, so then I turned it down. I've tried to be more quiet, but I can regularly hear them arguing in the day. They mentioned they like to go to bed at 10pm and would like me to be quiet after this time, but I often like to watch TV until midnight sometimes of a weekend.

Last night I had two friends round and we was having a couple of drinks but didn't have music or TV on or anything like that and they came round at 2am to tell us to be more quiet.

I feel like I can't enjoy my own home for fear of upsetting my neighbours. I have never complained to them once and I think if they are more bothered by noise than me they should pay to get soundproofing fitted on their house or I should just ignore them.

Am I being unreasonable?

And unfortunately your neighbours will also be subjected to your small dc and their crying, tantrums etc so I am abroad it is part and parcel of living in a terraced/semi

@Vettrianofan I don't mean to sound like a selfish '''' but I would view that as being your issue. They're not my children or my responsibility.

Once in a blue moon would be fine.

Imagine you work nights and people cut their grass with mowers that are loud, woke a family member up when they worked nights before nothing they could do about it

Yes you need to let them know that you hear just as much about them! Otherwise they will be thinking it's all you, and they are perfect.

I've had years of experience of horrific noise from neighbours and absolutely, when it's been regular unreasonable noise very late or ridiculously early I've said something. Because it's disrespectful to expect your neighbours to accept that.

I'm per menopausal and my sleep is dire at the best of time. I struggle to drop off and wake easily, literally a caterpillar farting in the next village and PING! That's me awake for an hour.

What OP is describing is just what happens when you are attached to their wall. And the very occasional noise of an neighbour entertaining until 2am is not unreasonable.

Tell them to stop running the tap and using the microwave… ever.

@PuppyMonkey haha yes I could say "you are not allowed to use your taps without my permission" :D :D

I live in a relatively new semi detached house and as I'm reading this thread I'm hearing children running up and down the stairs, slamming doors etc. My neighbours children have ADHD and anger issues so I frequently hear them. However my house is quite well sound proofed. I can't hear their TV or a normal conversation.

As other posters have suggested you need to have a conversation with your neighbours. However, why don't you suggest that they pop round when they have visitors. You said they have a grandchild so if they pop round when grandchild is visiting then they can hear quite how much you can hear too. Perhaps one of their family members can pop into your house too and have a conversation with you while they are in their own house. This will show them that it isn't you being unreasonable but that it's bad sound proofing. But at the end of the day if neither household wishes to pay for sound proofing then you will just have to put up with it.

Were you told about the thin walls when you viewed the property? They seem very thin given the noises that either of you can hear.

Unfortunately the law isn't such that you could get money off the previous owners or (better still) the estate agent which could cover the cost of soundproofing.

When you say 'just talking' does that include screeching, shreaking and cackling as that high pitched noise is so annoying and will carry through the wall.

If you own your home, it's time to put some money into sound proofing.

No music or TV after 10pm is not a reasonable ask at all.

I think you are just going to have to have a conversation with them at times when there isn't really a complaint and explain to them that you can hear everything that they are doing in their home too

but no it is not unreasonable to have guests over on the weekend and have a few drinks and even play some music.

You are allowed reasonable use of your own home and you do have a social life

since they are retired next door it's not like they have small children that will be woken up or someone who works odd shifts who might be woken up.

Yes, I think that since the place has been vacant for two years they, just are used to having it silent because nobody lived there.

If the neighbours are the ones bothered by very ordinary and reasonable household activities from the OP’s house, then they are the ones who need to look into soundproofing.

OP, YANBU.

They have four DC, youngest is 2. No idea how they can stay up til small hours with a toddler but each to their own...

I don't dispute that our house can be loud during the day with a 6yo and 8yo. The two teenagers are quiet though. Eldest like myself uses headphones.

Yes, it’s not remotely reasonable to tell people they can’t watch bloody television at a normal volume after 10pm. Good grief. 10pm isn’t late. The fucking NEWS is on at 10pm. It’s hardly an unusual TV watching time.

on average your small DC waking up at 6am every day are almost definitely going to be producing more noise than an adult woman living alone, so bit of an awkward argument -which is what OP is comparing with, not your specific neighbours

• also having just seen your update, I would class your neighbour's toddlers as 'small dc' - 6 and 8 year old are just children, surely?

I'd install sound proofing and be done with it

They had a late night as a one-off on a weekend, and you're doing batshit petty revenge??

I agree, you work against the rest of the world's routine, turned upside down if you work nights and have to put up with so much noise outside. That's also unfair.

They have done it before. It wasn't a one off.

I'm often dead to the world on strong painkillers around 9.30pm, so 10pm is late if you are up 6am daily.

I lived in a 1930s semi for years and it was silent - even when I knew the neighbours were having a party!
Some are just really badly insulated though - my DW rented a terrace before we moved in together and you could hear absolutely everything from both sides.

I’d personally look to move - it might not feel like an option (and will be expensive) but you’ll be so much happier.

They likely don't realise how much you can hear of them. Approach it like they're being thoroughly reasonable. "I know, it's awful how bad the soundproofing is in these houses, isn't it. I was really surprised when I first moved in - I heard your microwave over the TV the other day, and was a little embarrassed hearing you argue last night! Must be particularly rough for you after having this house empty for so long. I'm not willing to stop reasonable activities like evening TV but please know I don't expect that of you all all either. I'm sure in time we'll all get used to each other and rub along nicely."

Personally I feel that in the situation you are in, no music or TV after 10 is a reasonable ask from them.
seriously? that's ridiculous to expect anyone to pander to neighbours and sit in silence as of 10pm!!

I think you need to talk to them which I also think you are unwilling to do. No tv after 10 is ridiculous. I can hear my neighbours and realised the day we got the keys at first we thought it was because the room was empty but no. So downstairs we can hear them (apart from tv randomly but pretty much anything else) so when we did upstairs we sound boarded the walls and can barely hear them thank god. It wasn’t that expensive to do but we were fully redecorating so wasn’t too much of a pain to do