Am I the unreasonable neighbour?

[BeckyOrange02859]

I recently bought a semi detached house and redecorated most of it. It was empty for about 2 years before I bought it as the previous owner died.

The problem I've got is soundproofing isn't great. If I sit in absolute silence, I can even hear the water flowing when my neighbours turn a tap on. I believe they own their property but not sure. When sat in silence, I can hear when they use their microwave, the soundproofing is that bad. I can't move to another room as such because it's a party wall, all the rooms are up against their property if you know what I mean.

When I moved in, during the first week I moved in, in the day they came round to complain that my TV was too loud, so then I turned it down. I've tried to be more quiet, but I can regularly hear them arguing in the day. They mentioned they like to go to bed at 10pm and would like me to be quiet after this time, but I often like to watch TV until midnight sometimes of a weekend.

Last night I had two friends round and we was having a couple of drinks but didn't have music or TV on or anything like that and they came round at 2am to tell us to be more quiet.

I feel like I can't enjoy my own home for fear of upsetting my neighbours. I have never complained to them once and I think if they are more bothered by noise than me they should pay to get soundproofing fitted on their house or I should just ignore them.

Am I being unreasonable?

Haven't read the entire thread OP, but wanted to say
as you have not complained to them, you can now go round and have a pleasant chat. Say you both know the sound carries - drop in to the conversation but not in a complaining way, that you hear a lot too, like when the tap goes on, or their microwave. Ask what they feel would be a solution. They probably don't know that you are affected too. Soundproofing - with the costs shared sounds the best way forward. Would be a plus point when selling, maybe too.

You would both benefit from sound proofing so in the interests of harmony and being a good neighbour you should split the costs.

Your neighbours have enjoyed the privilege of zero noise for 2 yrs they are overtly sensitive to noise encroaching in their abode.

compounding the issue - I suspect you are different life stages and that is just a fact.

noise proofing is required or an appreciation that noise is a Two way street and consideration and adjustment is needed from both sides.

screwfix sells noise proofing wall paper - try that and paint over.. otherwise Wall acoustic
tiles.

Why aren't building regulations better?

Same reason as so much else: £££££. Huge developers have a LOT of clout, which enables them to get away with cutting corners

Difficult to comment on the noise thing without actually being there, but if it's really that they've just got used to an empty house next door and your noise honestly is just normal level, trying to pacify them may be a mistake - try, and they may just come back with something else

Personally I'm with the "share the cost of soundproofing" conversation and it needn't cost much at all. For example cork boards or similar can be bought very cheaply and painted over ...

I would just ignore them, up to them if they want to add sound proofing, and you do not need to stop watching tv at 10pm because they’re in bed what a ridiculous request! Carry on as you are

Just because you've had some inaccurate advice in this thread.

Acoustics & sound proofing are totally different things.

Acoustic wall panels (and other acoustic solutions, like foam) are for making rooms sound less echoey, they do nothing at all for sound proofing.

Also, proper sound proofing is very expensive. You get what you pay for. So a budget solution (say sub <£1000 on each side) will probably help slightly but not much.

I couldn't live like that. I'd look into soundproofing. My DH has a music studio and there's a lot of info about it online - it might not be that expensive.

Personally I feel that in the situation you are in, no music or TV after 10 is a reasonable ask from them

no it isn’t reasonable AT ALL 😂, that is nuts.

Sounds limiting.

Could you get cavity wall insulation and split the costs?

Or join in with their conversations?

One neighbour used to whistle a lot. I'd occassionally join in. It was fun.

Another neighbour yelled at his kid, a lot. Once he yelled 'If you don't stop, I'm going to rip your arms off'. So I shouted back. He didn't do it again.

I can see both sides. We used to have neighbours who listened to the music every day from 2pm until 10pm. I used to climb the wall, there was no escape from it. I could hear it in every part of my house. I couldn't relax after work. No, I don't believe I should just wear earplugs in my own house. But equally, because we are a quiet household, they were probably never really aware of how thin the walls are as they can't hear us. So I asked them to turn the volume down, consider using headphones or just have some sense and limit the music to a couple of hours a day.
We were both renting at the time so soundproofing wasn't an option for either of us. It it were my own house, yes, I would invest everything I had to soundproof the wall between us. But it wouldn't help in summer when they were blasting music from open windows for 8h a day.
We have since moved and sometimes I hear my neighbour's music, microwave, them turning the light in the bathroom, coughing and their dog barking. But somehow, it is much more manageable than the TV on full blast and endless conversations in the garden at 2am.
I think you both need to compromise.

No. They sound unreasonable, precious and controlling. You can’t speak in your own house after 10pm 🤣. You are even allowed to do that in prison. Not your fault they got used to your house being empty and have zero noise. Also not your fault they like going to bed early. They need to get used to normal every day noises or pay for sound insulation.

Not for those of us up really early each day. Some of us need our beauty sleep 🤪

Not for those of us up really early each day. Some of us need our beauty sleep

Honestly if you're that noise-sensitive though, it's on you to do the necessary to accomodate that. I am so I don't live attached to anyone else. But you can't dictate to someone else when they can watch tv or have guests.

This. Have a conversation with them about soundproofing the party wall (getting quotes for the exact amount & splitting it 50/50) as you didnt want to say anything but have been hearing their conversations/fight/cooking/telly the whole time & if its equally affecting them it needs professionally sorted out ASAP

If they refuse then crack on with everything at whatever time as long as it's not obnoxious partying & make it clear to them if they knock that the problem has been settled as far as your concerned & any changes will need to be made by themselves, for themselves

Well can the neighbour turn around and ask you not to set an alarm for your early start or not to run the shower because it wakes them?

🤣

Hahaha tell them to get sound proofing as you can also hear them but you don't complain!

I had this with a neighbour who happened to be a police officer as did her on/off lover. Who she frequently had bellowing sex sessions with.
So the first time she came over she said my dog was barking a lot in my absence so she banged on the window and made him worse. He usually went to my parents but they were on holiday so that one day I apologised and took it on the chin even though I thought she was dense.

Anyway. We had tk have work done and the boiler sorted. That night her Bobby fella knocked on to say she was on nights and the banging IN THE DAYTIME had been so bad she had to go sleep at her mums. He came in his uniform I think hoping he could carry a bit more weight.

I just said oh dear. Shift work is rough. But unless you want me to come and knock on every time I hear you two shagging at 2am when you come home bound down unk. Rowing and then making up, I suggest we all just get along to get along.
And stared him dead in the eye.

He started to argue then realised what I'd said. Blushed. And said well erm...
And I said oh no, we hear you every time. She's quite the shouter...

And with that he nodded and went back to his house. Never heard a peep from them again about noise complaints.
Tell them you hear them arguing and your TV is on to drown it out.
10pm is not late to be up watching the tv at a reasonable volume.

Yeah OP, OBVIOUSLY you should just pay for the soundproofing between you. Check a trade suggests it costs about £20k PER ROOM so in order to do the both houses that will be about £100k each, for a problem that doesn't bother you in the slightest. Pocket change, innit? 🙄

I would point out to them that if they can hear you, you can certainly also hear them, then suggest that they sound proof internally.

It doesn't cost £20k a room!! That's for complete sound proofing of a room, usually for studio/music purposes inc ceilings and floors. Here they only need to place sound boarding up on the shared internal wall.

Part of their complaint was that they could hear her talking in her living room while they were trying to sleep in their bedroom so several walls and ceilings would also need doing to stop their complaints.

People on here have already explained that a cheaper half measure costing "only" a few grand barely makes a difference and OP has explained that she doesn't even have that and is struggling to heat her house let alone sound proof it.

Good for you that you can afford to just "pay for soundproofing" - the majority of the country living in a COL crisis can't.

And even if she could why should she prioritise something that isn't a problem for her? If its a problem for them they need to pay for it!

Only a few people have said OP should do it. Most have said ignore them or tell them it's their issue to sort out and pay for soundproofing itf it's bothering them.

Any sort of sound absorbing material will 1. make a slight difference and 2. show that the OP has tried to take some action even if she cant afford to do more.

I wouldn't be doing any of those things. Whilst I agree about keeping the peace and always being respectful, in my own home, with the doors closed, I'll have the TV on until I'm good and ready!!!!!!!!
I think it depends on the home these days. We have a joined home from bloor and we don't hear a thing. And we are both loud families.
I think both investing in some soundproofing will do your relationship and sanity the world of good.
Although you aren't bothered by it, you are bothered by being policed by the neighbours. And rightly so.
So looking for a way to live together, in peace, is probably your best bet.
Good luck 😊

Have you checked your hearing? Just in case you have tv and conversations louder than normal without realising? Although I assume that's not the case as you can hear next door too.

Is it a solid brick wall between your properties? Is the sound coming through the wall? Have you checked for any vents or holes that could be allowing the sound through?

We rarely hear our neighbours and they claim to never hear us, but they've extended over their garage and have a living room above it so may just usually be several rooms away.

I think it's reasonable to make a reasonable level of noise in your own house. It's reasonable to be louder in the daytime, doing DIY or having work done. Make hay whilst the sun shines, I find mowing is better done on warm, dry days, afternoon or later, there's not much that can be done to fully accommodate a neighbour working nights.