Am I the unreasonable neighbour?

[BeckyOrange02859]

I recently bought a semi detached house and redecorated most of it. It was empty for about 2 years before I bought it as the previous owner died.

The problem I've got is soundproofing isn't great. If I sit in absolute silence, I can even hear the water flowing when my neighbours turn a tap on. I believe they own their property but not sure. When sat in silence, I can hear when they use their microwave, the soundproofing is that bad. I can't move to another room as such because it's a party wall, all the rooms are up against their property if you know what I mean.

When I moved in, during the first week I moved in, in the day they came round to complain that my TV was too loud, so then I turned it down. I've tried to be more quiet, but I can regularly hear them arguing in the day. They mentioned they like to go to bed at 10pm and would like me to be quiet after this time, but I often like to watch TV until midnight sometimes of a weekend.

Last night I had two friends round and we was having a couple of drinks but didn't have music or TV on or anything like that and they came round at 2am to tell us to be more quiet.

I feel like I can't enjoy my own home for fear of upsetting my neighbours. I have never complained to them once and I think if they are more bothered by noise than me they should pay to get soundproofing fitted on their house or I should just ignore them.

Am I being unreasonable?

YANBU. I am in a similar situation in a flat with terrible soundproofing, can hear neighbours talking normal volume level conversations, when they are using a food processor etc.
If my TV is on at night my less than friendly neighbour bangs the wall likewise when my DS kicked a lightweight ball at it for the 2mins I let him play football in house. No advice except if you plan to stay longterm look into soundproofing. I am looking to move it's easier than trying to live in silence especially with DS.

I get your pain OP- my not so new neighbours ( terraced house) are being inconsiderate.
My one simple request to shut the front door more gently especially when coming in past midnight has been met with passive aggressive social media abuse!

The door was being slammed so hard, my paster has started cracking around the door and they can never come in and shut the door - think 3-4 times in out, slam every time, the house shakes.

I did not complain about the drilling,banging, smashing aorund in the kitchen, the loud music or the arguments - yes I know he is not in touch with his feelings and you need to be allowed to express your emotions and have him listen - you say it loudly every week before you send him ack to his mothers!!

Would suggest sound proofing which they have resorted to allegedly on social media because I am too loud!

Talking and playing music at a reasonable level til about midnight is considered acceptable in planning rules - they don't have a leg to stand on

can you imagine if they called the council who came roiund and you were quietly chatting with friends?

Of course you can make noise after 9pm you aren't on a campsite!

I would nip this in the bud. As you said, it's not unreasonable noise. And their requests for living adjustments may not stop there.

I've had problems with similar neighbours. I said yes to all their requests at first, and eventually they asked me to stop smoking in my own home and wanted me to soundproof. I avoid them now 🙂

It's uncomfortable getting used to neighbours when there's been an empty property next to you, as humans are territorial. Hopefully they'll relax a bit in time and the hum of living noises will fade into the background for them.

No one should have to sit with headphones in to watch tv in their own home to please neighbours, that’s ridiculous

This is ridiculous… surely you should be entitled to watch tv in your own home at a reasonable volume at any time you please.

It sounds to me like that they got so used to no neighbours being there they’ve forgotten they live in a semi detached house!
THEY are being unreasonable OP to ask for no noise after 10pm as PP have said it’s really not late.
It is obviously concerning you - and it’s understandable you don’t want to fall out with them but they have to accept that they can hear you ( and you them) that’s just the way it is in your properties.
To be honest you are a full time working , single occupancy house - how much noise do you really make ? Hardly any !
They are lucky that they don’t have a family with toddlers running about it teenagers or people yelling all day at each other like some in here ( toddlers and teenagers noise is normal and acceptable in the most part )
My view is - do have friends around , watch TV , live your life.
You are allowed to have enjoyment in your own home.

You are not being unreasonable in the way you live or the noise you make, but by putting up with their noise and never mentioning it, even when they come around you are making it worse for yourself. You are creating a situation where they believe that you are noisy and they don’t affect you at all; when the reality is that the noise is going both ways but you are more tolerant.

if you don’t tell them that you can hear them too, they can’t be blamed for thinking you can’t. Knowing that the issue goes both ways will help them realise that it’s a mutual issue.

It’s so hard. We lived in a 1950s semi and the soundproofing was shocking, practically non-existent. It really affected my MH - at the time the DC were v little so I was at home a lot. We did invest in soundproofing and it was a game-changer tbh. We’re now in a detached so don’t have the house to house issue, but it’s on an estate of houses built in the 80s so although all detached they are v v tightly packed in with small gardens. Our ndn have a v nervous rescue dog that has THE WORST bark - horrid if you’re in the garden and you can hear it in the house cos the house are so bloody close together.
I’ve long since come to the conclusion that’s you either have to live in an area with carefully chosen friends and family who share the same way of living or go to a remote Scottish island 🤷‍♀️

Cheek by jowl living sucks for many people.

If its that bad, I'd get it sound proofed. Not for them, but for yourself. You deserve to enjoy your home.

Oh come on, that's not an unreasonable thing to do in your own home!!

I think you need to point out that the sound is travelling BOTH ways, and that you really don't want to hear their arguments either.

I'd beg, borrow or steal to get soundproofing done - if you do your house then surely that will cut out the noises each way?

I know it's not helpful but that is why I will never ever live in an attached house again.

@BeckyOrange02859 are they elderly? In my experience retirees can be extremely unreasonable about this sort of thing. I echo an earlier poster - say 'yes isn't it awful how thin the walls are round here? I could hear you two arguing all night recently. Luckily I just put some ear-plugs in as I had work early in the morning.' I really sympathise as I have a paper-thin wall separating our kitchen from the neighbour's and we can hear everything, word for word!

OP under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you make less noise - you're a single occupancy woman working full time i.e. so quiet! You are more than entitled to have some friends over for a drink and to watch the telly.

YANBU. Your neighbours have become accustomed to the silence and they need to get reaccustomed to the sound of their neighbour doing normal things next door. It doesn't sound like you are being inconsiderate. Do not adjust your life per their requests or it will only get worse.

If they keep complaining then you need to have a discussion about how the noise goes both ways: if it bother them more than it bothers you, then they need to look into sound proofing / insulation options. Not for you to turn into a mute mouse at 10pm.

What year was the place built in?

Why is it important that you don't know if the property belongs to them? You can easily find out who it belongs to.

Oh give over with retirees! My DH is retired (me, not yet!), he's the lost tolerant person ever....... much the same as he was when

20
30
40
50

Etc!

Most not lost..

The majority view seems to be that the neighbours just have to put up with it as the noise is normal life carrying on, but surely there is scope for some compromise and consideration towards neighbours. It's no wonder so many neighbours fall out over noise.

I agree Victorian and Edwardian houses are built like that and I think it's must better. Some time in the 30s they decided to build semis so that the living areas were attached to each other. I have no idea why.
I have a semi and feel anxious about the neighbour's hearing everything we say

I had exactly this situation with a house. The soundproofing was non existent, the walls were like hardboard they were so thin. The only way for soundproofing to really work is if both sides do it- a stud wall filled with rockwool really works.

It's called treat the problem being the construction of the house and get sound proofing rather than have to compromise your life for other strangers

You could use Bluetooth headphones if you are watching the TV late, though I think 10pm is an unreasonable cut off by them. But I'd chat with them to find a solution. Soundproofing is tricky as you have to do a lot of it, including floors and ceilings for it to make a difference, meaning you lose space in your house and it's expensive

@BeckyOrange02859 you may have found the reason why the last owner moved out 🤔
Hopefully you've not moved into Batshit Crescent, just off Crazy Street? Well known for the fuckwittery of neighbours, the dictatorship of Mr & Mrs B'Stard at number 27.
Fight back now. Or move. Don't cave, whatever you do ☠️

Stay firm!
Always be polite but start telling them that you heard them use the microwave at X time having an argument at Y time. Be specific on your examples.

Then blame it on the houses and how they are not good at soundproofing.

Finish off with a: 'I'm already a quiet person...quieter than this only if nobody lived here...like before' 😈

The previous owner died, I don't think noisy neighbours would have been the cause of it though. I used to live in a terraced house where we could hear each other flush toilets and even smell their cooking. I got on with it, although I was glad when I could move out and I'm now in a semi where the soundproofing seems to be better.