Am I the unreasonable neighbour?

[BeckyOrange02859]

I recently bought a semi detached house and redecorated most of it. It was empty for about 2 years before I bought it as the previous owner died.

The problem I've got is soundproofing isn't great. If I sit in absolute silence, I can even hear the water flowing when my neighbours turn a tap on. I believe they own their property but not sure. When sat in silence, I can hear when they use their microwave, the soundproofing is that bad. I can't move to another room as such because it's a party wall, all the rooms are up against their property if you know what I mean.

When I moved in, during the first week I moved in, in the day they came round to complain that my TV was too loud, so then I turned it down. I've tried to be more quiet, but I can regularly hear them arguing in the day. They mentioned they like to go to bed at 10pm and would like me to be quiet after this time, but I often like to watch TV until midnight sometimes of a weekend.

Last night I had two friends round and we was having a couple of drinks but didn't have music or TV on or anything like that and they came round at 2am to tell us to be more quiet.

I feel like I can't enjoy my own home for fear of upsetting my neighbours. I have never complained to them once and I think if they are more bothered by noise than me they should pay to get soundproofing fitted on their house or I should just ignore them.

Am I being unreasonable?

I'm terraced house, on one side I can hear the guy sneezing, coughing scraping his dinner plates etc. On the other side the family are a shouty family and I hear every word of every conversation even when I'm at the furthest point from their side but like I said they are overly loud.

I closed to tiptoe around my house cos clearly I can see our houses weren't built sith soundproofing in mind. It's noones fault.

But I got fed up of being so careful not to make noise in my house that I started to hate living in it, always anxious if I dropped something and it sounded noisy that it'd annoy the neighbours. I watch tv with subtitles on so low u cna hardly hear it. That is no way to live! Meanwhile my neoghbojrs slamming their doors making noise.

So I stopped. I just stopped tip toeing around and just lived in my house. I didn't deliberately make noise or play loud music.

It's clear they didn't like it as they were so used to me being super quiet. Not they complain to me but I just told them straight that if they have an issue with normal living noise its a structural house issue and they can soundproof there side. Equally I can do mine if it bothers me.

I actually am saving up tocsoundproof one side the side with the guy cos I find it real creepy I can hear him sneezing I might as well be in same room as him.

The other side doesn't bother me so much as they have become more quieter now they realise how sound travels. Especially when I told them how much I hear... I said 'oh yes the sound travels so badly between our houses cos of how they are built and how awful your flight was delayed thay tike you went on holiday and how I wish I could pop over for some toast in the morning when your asking your child what they want, or the time your husband shouted at u infront of the kids not to mention the times you have bitched about me....they got the picture real quick and funnily enough I hardly here their conversations again

I would just be quiet but firm next time they complain and tell them that what you are doing (tv, music, shower, washing machine, etc) is normal, everyday, acceptable household noise. They got used to silence because the house was empty for 2 years, but you live here now, and are entitled to live in and enjoy your home in a reasonable manner. And you are behaving in a reasonable manner.

Requesting you sit in silence in your own home after 10 is absurd, frankly. Tell them they can take it up with the council or their MP about the lack of proper soundproofing in homes.

I think you need to ask them over to your house and make sure you have another adult with you to witness this. Then send one back with a list of things to do like “put a cup of water in the microwave for 10 seconds”, “turn on your radio”, “pretend to be your grandchild when he’s tired and hungry”, “put some dishes/cutlery away”, “walk up and down the stairs”, “pretend to have a conversation about topic you have overheard them arguing about with your spouse”, then swap over.
Advise them that they live in a home with a party wall and have become accustomed to the luxury of being beside an unoccupied home for too long. You have endeavoured to be as accommodating as possible, their continuing demands are unreasonable and entitled. While you will continue to be considerate of the noise levels, you wish to enjoy going about your normal every day activities without further harrassment from them. If they still have issues with noise from your home they are welcome to contact the environmental health department and make a complaint which would have to be investigated and declared, which has the potential to devalue both of your properties.
Meanwhile, I would get a ring camera for the front and back gardens which will record them visiting your place to complain, their shrieking grandchild and hopefully more interior sounds from their home, while providing evidence that you are not a drunken Rugby Team Frat House. All of this would be evidence of harrassment.

@autumn1610 What soundproofing did you get? As I'm looking into it, was it a separate wall they built with an airgap?

Are you serious? I hear noise from my neighbours all the time, both sides have surround sound equipment and I often hear them regardless of time. I can also hear them running up and downstairs most of the time. But it’s life. You can train yourself not to hear it. And if they have a problem they need to sort it.

https://www.wickes.co.uk/Acoustic-Slatwall-Designer-Real-Walnut-Veneer-Wood-Panels---19-x-573-x-2400mm/p/289842
These panels are soundproofed and easy to put up without much effort while looking very modern. They are could this work with your decor? Lots of colours available.
Maybe if you both do something similar it'll have a big impact and not too expensive.

The problem you have is that they have gotten used to silence in the 2 years the property has been unoccupied and now you are there making reasonable noise they pick up every little pin drop.

One thing I can suggest rather than telling them to deal with it is to get them to turn their TV on or radio and invite them into your house to see how much the noise travels through the walls.

Sorry OP this doesn't help you but something I wonder about. I used to live in an old semi, I think it was late Victorian or early Edwardian. Anyway the hall, landing and stairs were to the inside so if I was sitting in my living room there was the living room wall, the hall, the wall that divided the houses, their hall and their living room wall between us. I never heard them, same with bedrooms and I assume they never heard me. The kitchens were next to each other and the bathroom but noise in those rooms doesn't matter so much. So what I always wonder is why they are building semis with the stairs/hall etc to the outside of the houses?

I'd also make it clear that if normal, everyday noise bothers them, then THEY can install more soundproofing on their side at their own expense.

Get a ring cam, as others have suggested.

We live in an equally poorly insulated semi detached! I can often hear NDN snore, cough, argue, sneeze, can hear their microwave, cupboard doors slamming on the party wall.

Knowing how poor the soundproofing is I do make sure that I have the voice option/night mode on my soundbar for the tv. Bass sounds carry through wall, for that reason I also wouldn’t entertain installing a tv on the wall!

I think it’s a bit rich asking you not to watch the tv after 10pm, I’d continue watching but find other ways of keeping the sound down, do you have a tv where you can alter the settings? I’d also let them know that due to the poor soundproofing you can also hear them, it’s not you that is particularly loud, it’s the house itself which is poorly made!

As for the 2am knock on the door, can’t really comment on this as I’m sure they did hear you but how justified they are, who can tell.

Seems like they’re used to complete silence from ND, as the property has been empty for 2 years.

I wish I’d known how poor the soundproofing was in our house before buying.

Have you never heard of headphones 🎧🤣

I live in a Victorian terrace, my neighbour has to TV on so loud at night, I thought it was attached to the other side of our bedroom wall, and she listened to it in bed (I didn't complain, it just came up in conversation once) but it turns out it's actually travelling up from her living room below. So she must have it on mega loud. I can tell what kind of programme she is watching, what movies they are often etc. She watches to about 2am. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, it doesn't keep me awake. If it did, I'd wear ear plugs. have kids who fight constantly that must drive her mad, not to mention how noisy we are as a household before school and work.

It's all give and take if you live in a semi or terraced house. If noise effects you so much you believe there should be curfews (makes zero sense as loads of people work opposite shifts), or as someone said on another post last week that people who use their garden 'as another room' are selfish and they should be quiet, then these batshit people need to move to the middle of nowhere.

If my neighbours had a late night party every weekend I'd be stressed out. But if it was a few times a year, I wouldn't care. I'd be glad actually, as it would give me the freedom to do the same.

It does sound like your neighbours think you are just very noisy, as they got used to the quiet. How long have they lived there?

They are being very unreasonable. It’s fine to watch tv until 11pm after that I would try to keep the noise down eg keep volume low

I think given the situation having friends round chatting , playing music etc after midnight is not thoughtful and I think you could try to be a little more thoughtful. .

But if they want more quiet they need to pay for soundproofing and make sure they have taken protective steps like soft furnishings. I would talk to them and ask that question

Why not keep a diary for a week of all the times you hear them, and the times you do things you'd reasonably expect they could hear (e.g. if you can hear their washing machine, they can probably hear yours).

The LA noise abatement teams usually ask for a diary, so given that this sounds like poor house construction rather than anyone deliberately being annoying, you might as well start keeping your own records.

I really don't think it's helping that you're putting up with their noise without mentioning it.

TV at a normal volume is fine at any hour as is having a shower or a baby crying. Different if OP was playing loud music or something.

Have a proper conversation with them where you agree that the soundproofing is terrible and together you'll need to find a solution. Make then aware you can hear their microwave and taps so clearly the soundproofing is non existent. Yell then you can tear them arguing

have only read OPs posts.

this one sticks out. Just because you don't complain to them, that doesn't mean they can't complain to you. That's not how noise disturbance works.

Why not invite them round then put on your tv quietly, and get one of them to go back and put on their microwave, or run a tap. Then do the same with your TV on or whatever.

Then you both know the soundproofing is shit and work out how you're going to go forward. Such as quiet times etc

could you both get soundproofing? Surely that would help keep noise to a minimum on both sides. They’ve probably got used to silence if it was empty for 2 years and if past neighbour was elderly.

Does your shared chimney have spiralling flues? This is a big problem in 1930’s semi’s 😢

My house is exactly the same. My neighbour can be loud sometimes - I never say anything. I did warn them that the walls are thin when they moved in.

I have a very loud toddler, and we can be loud for other reasons.

If my neighbour ever told us to be quiet cause I had friends over I would definitely tell them to get lost. As far as I’m concerned, I can do what I please in my own property, and so can they - provided none of us are taking the piss.

I would be really, really annoyed if my neighbour was keeping me awake at 2am.

Except the neighbijr isn't doing it deliberately. It's problem with the construction of the houses, therefore if one side is annoyed then just go soundproof their side 🙄

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't realise how much of their noise you can hear and it would be a good idea to make that clear to them. However, you're worried about a confrontation so probably won't discuss it with them so things will carry on. Many people are blissfully ignorant and selfish about their own noise but sensitive about others.
They have no right to instruct you to be quiet after 10pm although I suppose most people would like less noise after 11 or 12. Not everyone can afford a detached house or soundproofing or wants to wear ear plugs. You have to come to an understanding with them and that means a calm discussion.

I dont think you are being unreasonable but at the same time I do think you are being unreasonable.
No one wants to listen to their neighbours chatting at 2am.

Noise between 7/8am and 10pm is mostly not an issue. Noise after 10pm and before 7/8am is.

Re soundproofing - could you maybe have bookcases against some of the party walls?

OP, I haven't voted as I can see both sides.

I'm in a terraced house between two very nice but quite noisy families. They go to bed a lot earlier than me generally, so I always use headphones after 10pm. The other side of the coin is that they get up earlier than me, so I sleep in earplugs to avoid being woken up. If they are noisy at any other time, I have noise-cancelling headphones at the ready.

I think both sides just have to do the best they can and try not to fall out about it. Yes, the problem is down to the construction of the houses, but as you are both aware of it, you have options in terms of how to mitigate the problem. Proper sound-proofing would be the best solution, but in the absence of that, I would be showing my neighbours as much consideration as possible, even if that meant changing my habits. Equally I would expect them to take steps (such as earplugs) to ensure they are not disturbed after 10pm.