to break bad?

[ConciseQueen]

I’m thinking of going to the dark side. Crime can pay a lot. And I am skint.

So, from Monday, I am a gun for hire. I’ll need a crew.

Any bad dudes with me?

@poetrylover Manny Montana as Rio was worth drooling over, wasn't he? The perfect actor in the perfect role for him. I'm almost embarrassed to say, I chased down other things that he was in, but no, it just wasn't the same. A bit like Nathan Fillion as Mal Reynolds in Firefly/Serenity. That duster coat and braces!

I am shallow.

@ghostyslovesheets The Monty Python blokes used to love frock up at any chance, didn't they? Generally incongruously, yet always so successfully. Golden days!

I'm so in. With all these potential distractions going on, I can use hubby's truck to winch the front wall off the bank. Then you ambush.

Can borrow his rifles, and my son's nerf gun has a range of 30 metres.

I'm in.

Specialist skills I remember how everyone takes their tea and coffee.
I'm not quite Barry grant, but I do have his accent and curls.

May I join? I've also been known to make a decent sandwich in my time if you need more persuasion.

May I suggest my ex husband.
He'd fit the bill perfectly

Again, as below

Ok, fuck it, count me in.

Plus points:

• I have great boobs and a massive arse.
• Long blonde hair and blue eyes.
• I have a soft Scottish accent but can speak two other languages.
• People generally like and trust me.
• I make good tea, hot chocolate and sandwiches.
• I'm funny as fuck and calm under pressure.

Negatives:

• I am quite plump and also unfit, so can't run.
• I don't drive

Well, meth won't last like a Mumsnet chicken.
You'll be cooking all day to keep up with demand, I imagine.
It will be like post-school fridge-raiding teenagers /zombie mashup.

Elon Musk it is then 🤣🤣

Ooh can I join in?

My super powers are:

Small but unbelievably solid - I could perhaps be used for ballast/to anchor things to in the event of a strong wind.

I make fantastic cheese scones.

Being many years post-menopause, I too have gained my cloak of invisibility.

I could almost literally talk anyone to death.

On the downside I am a bit squeamish, so if there's a blood'n'guts department, bagsy not going there please thank you.

WHIT MAKE IS THE CAMPERVAN

Literally the best thing on the internet right now. Count me in. I have an air fryer, know someone who can sort us out with the really fancy battery-powered Nerf guns (plus goggles, safety first) & drive a stupidly big mum taxi (with booster seats if needed). I can bring brownies but might need a non-speaking role (I grew up in East London in the 80s & apparently have an accent that makes everyone feel like I’m about to sell them a fridge that fell off the back of a lorry. To he fair I probably could arrange that if useful…).

Having slept on it I have realised this thread is a terrible idea, OP, you know its going to be screenshotted and used as evidence?!

We need to be more crafty.

I can do craft. I've got a drawer full of playdough tools, glitter and spangly pipe cleaners and I know how to put on a big shirt backwards.

Calling for duty as a sniper- I'm an excellent shot at the range. But all targets need to be to the right of me- I'm short sighted in the left! So even better if we can have a sniper who's long sighted in the left- we'll make a perfect team!

This thread has made me anxious - but I'm a people pleaser so I have a leaf blower I can lend you all if that's any help?

@ArabellaScott I too have slept on it and have fully charged my electric saw.

I'm also great at organising group events like bingo or history walks, so if we do a few heists, surplus volunteers won't be bored.

I just love doing rotas.

I love doing rotas too! Thought It was just me being weird and nerdy..
Can I play with electric saw whilst we're out? I'm not trusted with one at home 😂

Electric saw? Is this for ... persuasion purposes?

I'm a bit squeamish for torturing but I can volunteer a large tub of lego if that's helpful. Didn't they use Barney the purple dinosaur for torture? I expect Peppa Pig at full volume may be even more effective.

I wanna come and play!!
All great ideas and such a skill set!

I love a spreadsheet. I'm sure we'll need a spreadsheet to keep track of the plans.

Also a keen baker so can bring snacks and have an air fryer.

Work with kids so pretty good negotiation skills and great at hide and seek!

Do we need some kinda uniform?!?

Guys, guys … what about laundering all of our ill gotten gains?

Once we’ve gone on our knitting needle/electric saw/air fryer rampage, we’ll need some way of cleaning the cash without alerting the rozzers.

A succession of coffee mornings

"Guys, guys … what about laundering all of our ill gotten gains?"

I just assumed we would give them a good rinse in our penis beakers.

Me me me!

Although I only do 25m, so any closer or further away than that and I’m afraid I’ll have to politely decline.

But if you take the right, I’ll take the left. We can have a flask of tea and some nibbles in between us 😊

Not too much tea though. I’m not a big fan of the whole “not moving even to pee” thing! 😳

Although lying still for hours, and people watching both come under my core skill set.

if Anyone needs a weapon I am looking for an excuse to move DHs golf clubs out of the hall.

Not sure on the laundering, but when drying it afterwards we should use a dehumidifier. They are so much better than tumbledriers in the winter.

Or maybe a heated airer from Lakeland?