to break bad?

[ConciseQueen]

I’m thinking of going to the dark side. Crime can pay a lot. And I am skint.

So, from Monday, I am a gun for hire. I’ll need a crew.

Any bad dudes with me?

Surely we need Barry grant @UnctuousUnicorns

I'm in but out for anything with trip wires I'm far too clumsy

Could be the get away driver though my dh says being in the car with me is like being on the mad mouse

I am the danger

I am logging this with 111.

OOoOooOoOoh I’m scared

We need to steal vegetables and stock cubes!

There is a tiny cafe near me small village (not London)that sells a bowl of soup and "half a bread roll and butter" for....£6.95!

That's bloody robbery

We could take the bank manager hostage, march him to the expensive soup shop and make him buy a round of soup for us all. We can leave him tied up to the half a roll.

I'm in.

Bank job will do me fine!

My skills are blending in with a crowd as I'm also menopausal and overweight though surprisingly nimble and light on my feet! I work out so I'm strong, have a booming voice when needed and I can drive like you think you're gonna die!! No police will ever catch me!!
Plus I'm incredibly observant, with my menopausal anxiety, I over think everything and my organisational PTA skills are pretty fancy too!!

I had a gun license for a previous job (not uk based, that's all I can say), and can ride a motorbike, plus I can crochet. So that's heat, escape for 2, and disguises sorted. I'm also quite good with maps if that's any use.

We need something small and spectacularly high value to heist, that can easily be hidden/scoffed in case of imminent capture. Lindt balls?

@poetrylover can we share him? Or can I have him when you're done?

I'm over 40 so should be invisible but have a lot of very distinctive tattoos, so maybe I could do something not so "public facing". I don't really have any skills except being good at finding people online, and napping.

We need something small and spectacularly high value to heist, that can easily be hidden/scoffed in case of imminent capture. Lindt balls?

Pukka tea bags? More expensive than gold.

I was an ace shot at area triathlon as a kid….. and I’m now good at IT…. If you promise not to pick me last I will do you proud?
unless you need any sort of throwing and catching skills. In which case, never mind picking me last, don’t pick me at all.

Meth cooking sounds interesting. Do you have an airfryer recipe for it?

@WalkingThroughTreacle to cook meth in an air fryer you use the same recipe as a normal oven but reduce the time by 15 mins. HTH

Absolutely rofl with this it's like Mumsnet meets kill bill

So many talents - this crew is unstoppable.

We can Zoflora the bank exits to throw sniffer dogs off our tracks, but that won’t hold them for long.

We’ll need a network of safe houses to lay low. Any suggestions?

I have 7 sets of monopoly, so that’s at least 6 spare “get out of jail free” cards that I can donate to the cause!

I'm not scared of anyone and I have a battery-operated electric saw. No trailing cables on me.

People regularly underestimate me, so happy to be a distraction

@owlsinthedaylight , lmao!!! Class!!🤣🤣🤣

In terms of safe-houses, my auntie has a holiday home we can use, but the WiFi is a bit flakey, the water pressure is not great, and the electric goes off if it’s too windy.

Could work if we have to go “off grid”? But probably not great for cooking meth in the airfrier.

We’ll need a network of safe houses to lay low. Any suggestions?

My flat is reasonably safe. I keep a sharpening steel under my bed

I learnt to pick locks for a previous job bit rusty now probably but will start practising for when we need somewhere to lie low

I have 6 cats, 3 teens, enough to adopt the scatty cat lady persona and frazzled mum of feral kids, and parking - also no fucking ring doorbell - welcome all!