Manager saw my Teams message - AIBU

[Mumatwork24]

Need some advice please! My supervisor saw a teams message that I sent to my colleague (same level as me) and I just want others' perspectives on this situation.

Last year a secondment came up within the team that I applied for. My supervisor was supportive at the time, (she always is) and encouraged me to go for it. It was a promotion and would be the next obvious step for me to progress my career.

Long story short, the team manager and his senior (both of whom were on the interview panel) gave the job to someone internal from another team who was already operating at a higher level than me. Feedback was they thought I could have done so much better, they were frustrated because "they knew me" and it was just a case for me of getting through the interview. I'm exasperated because they loved the presentation, they know I already perform way and above my duties and am effectively a ready-made manager in this field - this was also what was fed-back. The person they employed as I mentioned was a few bandings up from me already but had no prior experience at all in the field.

Another secondment came up two weeks ago and was circulated to everyone by the team manager. My colleague and I were talking over Teams about it - I encouraged him to go for it as he is very skilled and like me, wishes to progress his career. He texted me back and said no, he wasn't ready for that jump just yet and that I should go for it. I replied that interviews are a popularity contest and that people employ people they think they can best work with, and as long as they've got the basic skill-set they can make it work. This is honestly what I think and it explains why, in most cases people choose individuals who don't have any experience over ones that do. It's all about whether your face fits as my recent experience proved.

He answered that I should go for it and I just replied "nah, they don't want me." Of course I wouldn't have shared these honest thoughts with management but it's genuinely how I feel and what I think. I've accepted that I wasn't the preferred choice, and that someone else was a better fit. I've not let it impact my work - I perform to a high level, I go above and beyond what's expected of me in this role and I make efforts with team socials and contribute to meetings.

Little did I realise, my line manager was sat with my colleague throughout the Teams exchange - he later told me she was reading over his shoulder and he only realised at a later point. She hasn't said anything to me but she does seem a bit down if I'm honest and I feel guilty. AIBU to feel this way? She's a nice lady and I'm lucky to have her as my direct line manager. But I'm not going to pretend I don't feel that way about interviews in terms of them being a popularity contest as that's clearly what they are. I've worked hard in this team and at the time I was upset as the rejection hurt like crazy but I've since realised it's not because of my lack of skill. The new recruit told me she's learning the ropes from scratch which is fine - but it just confirmed that they must think I'm a total misfit in their team, so I'm not going to put myself in the arena again. They'd just shred my application probably!

Am I being silly or am I justified? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Thank-you

Sounds to me like they did want to give you the job based on your skills and experience but you interview poorly and don't seem to understand that interviewers cannot just fill in the blanks based on what they know about you already. I don't think you have done anything wrong with expressing how you feel to a colleague, but I would reflect on whether you have developed a chip on your shoulder that will prevent you moving forward when there is an easy fix, which is working on your interview skills.

A mature response to being told your interview performance wasn’t very good would be to work on your interview performance, not refuse to ever apply for promotion again.

Fair enough if you get knocked back several times, but to give up after one unsuccessful attempt isn’t very resilient.

Agree with the first two posters.

It doesn't matter what your manager saw, you weren't saying anything bad about the company and were actually encouraging another employee to progress. It just shows a lack of confidence and a defence mechanism.

I know loads of people who've got the job the second time that they missed out on the first time

Interviewers usually have clear criteria they have to measure you against, they’re not allowed to go by what they know about you already. This is to reduce bias!

I interview in my role and it can be really frustrating when someone you know would be good at the job then performs badly in the interview and doesn’t answer the questions properly. We have a point scoring system and the person who scores the highest gets the job.

Your boss probably feels bad already and now you’ve acted very unprofessionally and been rather childish about the whole thing.

Interviews are a test of several things - someone's knowledge and experience and what they can bring to the team. Is it something new or does someone in the team already fill that gap?

and yes, sometimes it will be a case of does your face fit. They will be looking to employ people they think they can best work with - a happy team is a well performing team.

It sounds like they think you could have done better in your interview. Take the feedback on board and try again. I would apologise to your line manager, state you did not expect her to read that and could she help you with the next interview.

Agree with the others. If you interviewed poorly then it was down to that for you not getting it. If it was about who they wanted to give the job to it sounds as if that would have been you but they have followed the process fairly and scored it on how you each performed in interview.

Were you given any feedback about actually answering questions in the interview? It sounds more like that was the issue rather than you not being right for the job. Was it a competency interview? Did you use the STAR approach for answering the questions?

I doubt your boss is going to hold this against you, she is professional, so isn't going to take it personally - however she is entitled to feel disappointed on a professional level about YOUR lack of professionalism. Not only discussing this on teams, but the way you are blaming everything and everybody else for your poor interview performance, rather than accepting impartial criticism and trying to improve

This, tbh. They were clearly telling you that they found interviewing you frustrating because they have seen you day to day and know that you know your stuff, but that you didn't demonstrate that during your interview so they couldn't give you the job.

This is a you problem, not a them problem.

yes, agree with the others sorry. It would have been completely unfair if you'd interviewed poorly and the other candidate really well, but they gave it to you anyway because they "know you" and not her and because you go to work socials! That sort of thing is exactly what interview matrixes were invented for, and, ironically, exactly the sort of thing you are complaining about happening with people being chosen for personality rather than how they actually performed (except this time it didn't work in your favour!).

You need to accept you had a poor interview and work on those skills, not moan and complain, it really doesn't make you look good. How many of your direct managers got their jobs the very first time they interviewed for them?

Although saying that it wasn't great for your manager to have been reading a staff member's private conversation over their shoulder - for her to have read that much doesn't sound like it was an accidental quick glance at one message but deliberately reading a whole conversation. That is if your colleague is right that she did read it, and you're right in interpreting her 'disappointed look' at being anything to do with you - you could both be completely wrong on this and she's unhappy because she's had an argument with her partner!

You have the ability to progress from the sound of it. But you need to work on performing well at interview. Don't let this setback put you off but see what you can learn from it. Apply for another secondment and give it your best shot.
If you have a good enough relationship with your line manager then maybe you could talk about your disappointment and your future aspirations and get some tips.

I agree with this. I interview both internal and external candidates for roles and we're given specific question sets and mark schemes for them. I've had experiences where I am literally trying to coax good answers out of people who I know have LOADS of relevant experience and really specific work-related examples for questions I'm asking and they're just not doing it. I can't score someone badly on an interview and offer them the role anyway.

It sounds to me like you were given feedback that you've not really acted on. We're very clear what we're looking for in answers to competency based questions - I want to know what the issue was, what you did, how it resolved the issue and what the outcome was. This might not be the case for your interviews but think about what they asked you and how you can improve on the answers you gave for next time around.

Agree with all the above. Reducing bias in interviews is really important and most organisations operate a point scoring and weighting system.

Its hugely frustrating as a manager when an employee you know and love misses the mark - literally!

I’d feel really disappointed if I was your manager and read what you wrote. I’d have an open conversation with her.

I’d do a bit of self reflection on your reaction to the feedback - it is a natural response to think it’s them not me (but not always the right one).

I agree with PP. With regards to your manager she's probably sad that your confidence has been knocked

"I replied that interviews are a popularity contest and that people employ people they think they can best work with, and as long as they've got the basic skill-set they can make it work."

But this is the opposite of the outcome of your interview. They acknowledged you have more than the basic skill set, and they acknowledged that they know you well. You didn't get the job because you interviewed badly. Usually the person who gets the job is the person who interviews best (regardless of who has the most experience or fitting face). Instead of wallowing in a huff, why not ask your manager or anyone else (one of the others on the panel?) to give you some interview coaching, so that you can do better next time and progress your career in the way you want to.

Ah OP you are being very childish.

Your manager is supportive and told you she wanted to give you the job, however you interviewed badly in some sections.

A mature response would have been to ask which bits went wrong and to have worked on them, ideally asking for mentoring and feedback, so you were fully prepared for the next time.

An attitude like this is going to see you absolutely stuck and getting nowhere in life.

Go and see your manager on Monday, say you were having a bad day, ask for feedback and try and get some help to prep.

Self pity is self destructive and it’s really really unattractive

With that attitude you are clearly not management material and they made the right choice.

I agree with everyone else.

I also would be more cautious about what you say on Teams. It’s a company communication channel - you should be happy that anything you write there, or in an email, could be read by anyone in the company.

Agree with @purplemunkey that's there's a good lesson about communications here. I was once given the advice that you should never write anything in an email that you wouldn't want to see on the front page of a national newspaper, and I think the same thing applies to Teams.

It sounds like you have the right skills and knowledge for the job, but failed to show that in your interview, so the job went to the candidate who did show those things. It's got nothing to do with it being a popularity contest - being good in interviews is a skill like any other. It may be that it's something you have to work at more than others, that's all.

You also need to be really careful what you say on company communication like Teams - always remember that anything could be being recorded at any time. Some things are best left for out of work discussions or at least, discussions that aren't happening on a computer.

I replied that interviews are a popularity contest and that people employ people they think they can best work with, and as long as they've got the basic skill-set they can make it work

I think you've misinterpreted the whole affair, tbh.

They've already said that they know you can do the job, but it would contravene every principle of good recruitment practice and equal opportunities to just give you the job on that basis.

They've also said that they were disappointed, which says to me that your performance at interview was nowhere near as good as they expected. This suggests that they wanted to give you the job, but that your interview didn't meet the threshold at which you could be appointed, or that another candidate gave such an outstanding interview that they had to appoint them.

I assume the recruitment info included a list of skills and attributes that they required. When you prepare for an interview, you should be forearmed with answers and examples that evidence that you meet the required standard and have the qualities they need.

If you don't, you'll lose out to someone else, every time. What they already kbnow about you counts for nothing. Rightly so, imo, otherwise anyone they didn't know beforehand would be disadvantaged.

I take from this you don’t take rejection well. And refuse to accept the other person would have performed better at interview and is several banding’s above you for a reason. You then spread that dissatisfaction to your team mates.

personally id find you immature and it would solidify my thoughts you were not ready for the job.

I’m not sure if it’s so much that it was a popularity contest or that your face didn’t fit in the previous opening instance.

You say that you do your job well and go above and beyond. Whilst no employer will likely admit this publicly, if they have someone in a role who does the job well and them changing roles would likely mean a crucial gap in service and/or mean struggling to recruit a good fit into the then vacant position, what is their motivation for promoting that person?

Just to add, I’m not saying that’s the right attitude for an employer to have at all. But it’s work. It will always be about productivity and what’s best for the business (and likely ensuring an easy life for the manager) in their eyes.

Your manager probably seems a bit down because she saw you insult her professionalism.

It just comes across as a bit woe is me, sulky child and as if you really do not grasp the concept of workplace feedback. I'd reconsider the whole situation if I were you.