Manager saw my Teams message - AIBU

[Mumatwork24]

Need some advice please! My supervisor saw a teams message that I sent to my colleague (same level as me) and I just want others' perspectives on this situation.

Last year a secondment came up within the team that I applied for. My supervisor was supportive at the time, (she always is) and encouraged me to go for it. It was a promotion and would be the next obvious step for me to progress my career.

Long story short, the team manager and his senior (both of whom were on the interview panel) gave the job to someone internal from another team who was already operating at a higher level than me. Feedback was they thought I could have done so much better, they were frustrated because "they knew me" and it was just a case for me of getting through the interview. I'm exasperated because they loved the presentation, they know I already perform way and above my duties and am effectively a ready-made manager in this field - this was also what was fed-back. The person they employed as I mentioned was a few bandings up from me already but had no prior experience at all in the field.

Another secondment came up two weeks ago and was circulated to everyone by the team manager. My colleague and I were talking over Teams about it - I encouraged him to go for it as he is very skilled and like me, wishes to progress his career. He texted me back and said no, he wasn't ready for that jump just yet and that I should go for it. I replied that interviews are a popularity contest and that people employ people they think they can best work with, and as long as they've got the basic skill-set they can make it work. This is honestly what I think and it explains why, in most cases people choose individuals who don't have any experience over ones that do. It's all about whether your face fits as my recent experience proved.

He answered that I should go for it and I just replied "nah, they don't want me." Of course I wouldn't have shared these honest thoughts with management but it's genuinely how I feel and what I think. I've accepted that I wasn't the preferred choice, and that someone else was a better fit. I've not let it impact my work - I perform to a high level, I go above and beyond what's expected of me in this role and I make efforts with team socials and contribute to meetings.

Little did I realise, my line manager was sat with my colleague throughout the Teams exchange - he later told me she was reading over his shoulder and he only realised at a later point. She hasn't said anything to me but she does seem a bit down if I'm honest and I feel guilty. AIBU to feel this way? She's a nice lady and I'm lucky to have her as my direct line manager. But I'm not going to pretend I don't feel that way about interviews in terms of them being a popularity contest as that's clearly what they are. I've worked hard in this team and at the time I was upset as the rejection hurt like crazy but I've since realised it's not because of my lack of skill. The new recruit told me she's learning the ropes from scratch which is fine - but it just confirmed that they must think I'm a total misfit in their team, so I'm not going to put myself in the arena again. They'd just shred my application probably!

Am I being silly or am I justified? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Thank-you

If I was your manager I would have been sad reading the chat.

The chat thread shows that instead of you looking for ways to make yourself more appealing for your employers to promote you are saying it’s because they are biased. The existence of the thread on a work network during work time shows you are not ready for the step up.

I do agree that to an extent interviews are about picking someone who will fit into the team. I’ve heard managers talking and even been asked for my opinion before. Both interviewees scored closely to each other though so the one who was deemed ‘the best fit’ was offered the role….
I have also been asked to apply for roles in the past and the manager really wanted me to get the role so coached me in interview techniques, I’ve also helped coach fellow members of staff in the past.
I always applied for jobs and got them… then when the roles changed I went for a role below my current one and didn’t get it!!…. I found it amusing that I didn’t get the job having worked successfully for the same company for 15 years and moving between areas when needed/asked to … so by the end of my time there I had a very broad range of knowledge. When I got turned down for a lesser role by someone who I believe had just taken a dislike to me, I decided it was simply time to go elsewhere.
Mayne you should consider promotions in other teams/other companies?

As for the manager reading over the colleagues shoulder… that’s so rude and a clear disrespect of privacy! ….
I wouldn’t give it any more thought, she shouldn’t have been reading a private conversation!

if she does bring it up simply tell her the truth, that you were far more qualified than the person they gave the job to and This has made you feel very disregarded and under valued. (Or whatever it has made you feel)… or ask her for support… ask her what exactly you should’ve said or done to put across your skills better… tell her you’d like to apply again in the future but right now don’t feel confident enough

Are u in NHS by any chance?
it sounds like u may have interviewed poorly. You may be good at your job but in the interview did u score and say the things they needed? Where did u score badly? Have you asked for feedback.

I don't see people saying you didn't get the role due to emotional immaturity in takimg the news, they are saying your ongoing bitterness about not getting the role is showing you are lacking maturity in this one area.

You didn't interview well and another candidate secured the role. Rather than own that and think of what you can do to improve next time, you keep referring to 'popularity contests'.

I've led and participated a lot of corporate interviews so let me offer a professional prospective here.

Baring in mind senior management was sat there, most corporate roles the interview process has a strict scoring system. Based on the interview.
If you didn't perform well (which feedback seems to suggest your interview wasn't top notch because they were disappointed as they know you) then it's hard to bump your score up. This sounds like what they are saying.

Infact what it seems you were actually expecting was their knowledge of your experience to help carry you through, which it hasn't.

However 'face doesn't fit' can be true. I once took part in an interview process and was told I didn't have the role. One of the interviewees quietly came up to me and told me that I actually scored higher and should have gotten the job but 'he didn't want to shag you, you're not his pal'. I contacted HR and they conducted a 'random review' which saw that I did score higher...although this didn't give me the job so not really much point there I did get the next, better promotion.

Regardless, apply for the damn job, what does it matter if you don't get it again. If you don't show willing you'll never progress. You're throwing your toys out the pram.

Your supervisor is probably disappointed when they think you hold such promise so approach them and talk about it...and stop saying things you wouldn't want to be read on teams. That's what whatsapp is for!

Hi OP @Mumatwork24 how you doing? Came across your post while commiserating on my recent failed interview.