Manager saw my Teams message - AIBU

[Mumatwork24]

Need some advice please! My supervisor saw a teams message that I sent to my colleague (same level as me) and I just want others' perspectives on this situation.

Last year a secondment came up within the team that I applied for. My supervisor was supportive at the time, (she always is) and encouraged me to go for it. It was a promotion and would be the next obvious step for me to progress my career.

Long story short, the team manager and his senior (both of whom were on the interview panel) gave the job to someone internal from another team who was already operating at a higher level than me. Feedback was they thought I could have done so much better, they were frustrated because "they knew me" and it was just a case for me of getting through the interview. I'm exasperated because they loved the presentation, they know I already perform way and above my duties and am effectively a ready-made manager in this field - this was also what was fed-back. The person they employed as I mentioned was a few bandings up from me already but had no prior experience at all in the field.

Another secondment came up two weeks ago and was circulated to everyone by the team manager. My colleague and I were talking over Teams about it - I encouraged him to go for it as he is very skilled and like me, wishes to progress his career. He texted me back and said no, he wasn't ready for that jump just yet and that I should go for it. I replied that interviews are a popularity contest and that people employ people they think they can best work with, and as long as they've got the basic skill-set they can make it work. This is honestly what I think and it explains why, in most cases people choose individuals who don't have any experience over ones that do. It's all about whether your face fits as my recent experience proved.

He answered that I should go for it and I just replied "nah, they don't want me." Of course I wouldn't have shared these honest thoughts with management but it's genuinely how I feel and what I think. I've accepted that I wasn't the preferred choice, and that someone else was a better fit. I've not let it impact my work - I perform to a high level, I go above and beyond what's expected of me in this role and I make efforts with team socials and contribute to meetings.

Little did I realise, my line manager was sat with my colleague throughout the Teams exchange - he later told me she was reading over his shoulder and he only realised at a later point. She hasn't said anything to me but she does seem a bit down if I'm honest and I feel guilty. AIBU to feel this way? She's a nice lady and I'm lucky to have her as my direct line manager. But I'm not going to pretend I don't feel that way about interviews in terms of them being a popularity contest as that's clearly what they are. I've worked hard in this team and at the time I was upset as the rejection hurt like crazy but I've since realised it's not because of my lack of skill. The new recruit told me she's learning the ropes from scratch which is fine - but it just confirmed that they must think I'm a total misfit in their team, so I'm not going to put myself in the arena again. They'd just shred my application probably!

Am I being silly or am I justified? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Thank-you

Work on your interview skills. I work with someone who is excellent at the job and I know can do a grade higher, but she constantly misses out in interviews because she simply isn’t interviewing well. She doesn’t answer questions as fully as other candidates, she doesn’t look at the bigger picture, she misses out key points in her answers. She’s sad about not being promoted and I suspect now thinks her “face doesn’t fit” but the truth is we have very strict interview criteria and if someone else scores higher, they get offered the job.

Sounds like this could be the case here for you. Don’t scupper your chances of moving up by being bitter about something you’ve decided in your head which may be far from the reality of what has happened.

This is why interviews are shite, unless u can churn out the right key words and phrases u won't get marked for it. Someone who does will grt a higher score and get the job.

I literally print off my competencies at work and learn all the keywords for those that are for the job I'm interviewing for. It's the same with the application, copy and paste all the key words from the job description make sure its there and I've never failed to get through to an interview.

i do think filling positions from internal candidates is a bit of a crap shoot sometime. But. I also think that if you know the candidate is good and only interviews poorly, and that is your basis for rejecting them - them then having OPs attitude is not unexpected.

Own it, OP. You were being honest. If your management wanted you to have the job, they would have coached you for interview. Or after realising you don't interview well, would have coached you to be ready for the next one. This isn't only on you.

Where I work it is well known that unless you have been approached to apply for a role, don't bother as you will be interviewed but won't get the job. Very unfair and hard to prove but very dispiriting when you have prepared and worked for an interview.

If assuming the worst, negativity and quitting easily is as evident in your work as it is in this post then no bloody wonder they won’t promote you! Pull yourself together, go to your manager for advice on how to sell yourself and your experience better and be a confident friendly smiley person in the next interview. Otherwise yes, just give up and stay where you are.

This is so odd - I read it that you were effectively neck and neck with the winner - they are more senior, but you had more experience in this field.

They wanted to give it to you but you interviewed poorly so they were forced to give it to the other one, who happens to be well thought of generally as well.

I totally think it's your interviewing that you should be working on, but you haven't mentioned that or responded to posters who have made this point.

@Wadermellone You were actually proving you aren’t ready for progression. Because you can’t deal with disappointment without spreading negativity to others and disparaging others.

Sorry, but what a pile of... What have I even read?
So you think it's not normal to feel disappointed when you (unfairly maybe) dont get a job and have a moan about it? She had a private chat with a colleague about being disappointed, that does not mean she is 'not ready' for progression 😂😂😂
Most people would bitch about it you including I bet, it's just OP's private convo stopped being so when the nosy manager read messages that she should not have (who reads peoples emails over their shoulders???).

She didn't have a private chat with anyone, she moaned about her manager and the company on a works computer.

I would bet good money the manager didn't read anything over anyone's shoulder, that's just what the colleague said to cover his back.

@lifeispainauchocolat

she moaned about her manager

What? Are you making things up on the spot? I didn’t moan about my manager!!

@lifeispainauchocolat The manager would not have seen it if they were not looking, and as someone posted above, very few people have clearance to access what people put in emails between each other etc. So it was a private conversation that happened to happen on a work computer. How does that make OP incompatible with a promotion is beyond me still.

There was no private chat. She used a works system to butch about her manager and the process.

It’s absolutely unfair on the colleague who received it. Op is spreading negativity. And it’s not even something factual.

No I don’t do it. I am sure you do. It’s still not the professional thing to do. And it often gets spotted and often gives the person, spreading the negativity a bad name. And impacts who they are spreading it to.

Of course she can be upset. I pointed that out. She could have moaned to someone outside work. Not using her work equipment. No one is expecting her to not have a moan.

Doing this sort of thing doesn’t help your career. You cannot like it. But it doesn’t make it untrue.

and also, a lot of the time your current colleagues aren’t your friends. It’s just as likely the friend told her manager or complained that Op was spreading her negativity and it made her feel like she wouldn’t be able to progress. Another reason not to do it.

Again, if you won’t say it to someone’s face don’t say it on teams.

Sometimes other people get picked and it can be for multiple reasons including transferrable skills. Your reaction to not getting the role perhaps shows a lack of maturity that would be required at a managerial level.

A job goes to the person who does best at interview, often based on a point scoring criteria. The recruiters aren’t allowed to give the job to somebody who performs badly on the day based on prior knowledge of them, or on popularity or personality etc. It’s not your managers fault you did badly at the interview and it doesn’t mean they didn’t think you were right for the job. Imagine two people were running a race, there is a clear favourite who has consistently shown that she can run the course in an impressive time compared to the other person who is inexperienced and slower, however on race day the favourite falls flat on her face and the other person crosses the finish line first. The organisers can’t just give the first place medal to the racer who failed to cross the finish line even if they know that objectively this person is a faster runner than the actual winner. You did badly at the interview, none of your prior performance etc matters. If you want to move on you need to practice your interview skills, not hold a grudge against your management for your mistake. Did you ask for specific feedback after your interview to find out how you need to improve?

@Jl2014

Your reaction to not getting the role perhaps shows a lack of maturity that would be required at a managerial level.

It’s puzzling to me all these posts about emotional immaturity and that being the reason I didn’t get the role. I did not react negatively when I didn’t get the job. I welcomed the new member of staff to the team - and was congratulated by my manager who said it was nice of me to do so.

And sorry but it’s absolute bollocks that people at senior level don’t ever throw their toys out the pram. If you honestly believe that then you must be naive. I’ve had managers throw a paddy and sound off at me in confidence over the years. Managers can be some of the emotionally vulnerable employees out there. They do a hard and sometimes lonely job. So apologies but I don’t get where you’re coming from all those who are telling me my reactions have been an influence. I’ve not reacted badly to management at all.

To me it seems like your response is very human and probably so is your boss's. Sounds like she is really disappointed she couldn't give you the job and might be feeling a bit down about it. I have been in her position myself and it wasn't fun.

It does sound like it might have been the interview so that is something realy tangible that you can work on.

Good luck next time

@Mumatwork24 I was on your side but then you use phrases like "throw a paddy".

Ffs, you do really have a lot to learn.

There's no such thing as a private personal conversation on a company computer.

I'm sorry but unless the job involved being interviewed every day of the week, which isn't likely, then I agree with you - they said they 'know you', that they know how hard you work, that your presentation was great and then they still go ahead and promote someone they have to train up, just because you didn't answer a few questions as well as them?!!

Naaah. I think you're right, and it IS how lots of companies work. I wouldn't try again either.

I'd be looking for another company, I think.

Sorry hun, meritocracy is not the main criteria to fill a position these days.
Nonetheless, I think, as my rule, try three times for post. If still, no joy MOVE ON.
Good luck

If I live to be 100, I’ll never understand how performance in an interview is given priority over how well the interviewer knows the person would do the job. I work in education (I’m not a teacher) and a few years ago, the organisation I worked for interviewed for a pastoral lead. Both internal candidates, one would have done a brilliant job (and has since gone on to become a headteacher at another school) but the other (who was known to be a bit bone idle) performed better in the interview, so he got the job. Need less to say it was a complete disaster and he ended up being as useless as we all knew he would be at the role.

Maybe not directly, but that's how it would have come across.

Please don’t use ‘throw a paddy’. Horrible phrase.

Nothing you say on a company computer is private.

That doesn't mean every Tom, Dick or Harry can read them, but it does mean they are accessible by IT and managers, and you need to stick to company policy when it comes to what you use your computer/e-mails for.

Using the company internet to complain about how unfair the interview process is and how it's a "popularity contest" is just bloody daft.

I’ve had managers throw a paddy and sound off at me in confidence over the years.

Do you realise how offensive that phrase is?

@Mumatwork24
Saying “throw a paddy” is considered racist… because it is. (Although more like xenophobic maybe).