Should godparents pay for a child's upkeep?

[pureshoresss]

Will try and keep this brief for fear of not making sense!

I have been asked to be a Godmother by a friend of mine. I was delighted and honoured. The child isn't a baby, but 3 years old. (4 soon). I was asked when the boy was 2 years old. In fact, the other Godparent was asked around the same time too.

My friend is a single mother. The father pays child maintenance, but it is not enforced and therefore sporadic.

But almost every time we speak she says things like:

"Oh, DS would love a new toy car!" (One of those ones that a child can sit and 'drive').

"DS has been asking for a bigger house!"

"DS keeps asking why we are poor!" (They aren't).

"Looks like the private school I had my heart set on for DS isn't going to happen..."

"I can't afford holidays for DS! He wants to go to Hawaii and Florida!"

"I keep telling DS that we can't get a bigger house and it makes him sad! He said all his friends have nice houses!"

"If I were you, I'd sell the Co and buy a nice house outright or help family/friends.... that's what I would do!"

All of the things are only on a materialistic scale. Most conversations are about money/money struggles. Yes, I have offered ideas/help as well as take them out often etc...

I do not have children, but does a 4 year old really ask questions such as the above? Are they aware of money (as a concept) or 'circumstances'?

I don't want to see my friend suffer and whilst I am financially better off, I am not rolling in it! At all! Yes; single parents DO have it tough, I am of course, aware of that. I do not live a flashy lifestyle, I do not spend unnecessarily, but I suppose it is also a 'privilege' to not be in any debt or have any CC balances. If anything, a lot of my money went towards private hospice care for when my mother passed.

These request to be Godmother coincided with me coming into a fair amount of money, but also off the back of going IPO etc... The other Godparent is enormously wealthy. I am not. Company money is still company money and the other money will be going towards my home.

The (other Godparent) lives in France though and my friend and I reside in the UK.

AIBU to think this is odd and a bit awkward? I am a giving person by nature (and by culture too) and I feel like I am meant to offer to pay for the child's upkeep. To be clear, I do give gifts and pay for all outings etc... but I feel bad still. Are Godparents meant to cover the costs of child raising too? Or certainly offer?

nope. absolutely not.

No, they are not.

My child's godparents bought them presents for birthdays and Christmas and met up reasonably regularly (twice a year).

Paying for the child - absolutely not.

😂 you’ve got to give it to her - everybody loves a trier.

But no, you don’t have to do anything of the sort!

I wonder if she really expects you to fund a bigger house.

Birthday and Christmas presents! The odd trip out maybe.

Yeah your 'friend' picked you as they thought they could milk you for all you're worth and you would be buying stuff for their child all the time.

Children of that age may make comparisons with friends but not to the extent your friend is saying, not in my experience anyway. If they are then I would say its come from an adult led conversation where the thought of 'oh Billy has a nice big house but we are poor and no-one helps us so we can't have one' is the general tone.

Your friend’s trying it on

Of course not, I'd seriously consider stepping back from this grabby friend. As far as I'm aware a God parent is meant to provide spiritual guidance

Is she really expecting you to provide these things or just sharing wishes?

Wow.

No, godparents are absolutely not expected to do that.

How cringeworthily transparent she is.

No - they are meant to provide religious guidance and assist the parents with the Christian upbringing of the child. The vows say nothing about paying for holidays or private school!!I think you need to ask your friend what she expects the role of godparent to be- get her to spell it out. If she mentions the material things you will then need to make it clear that you cannot/will not be doing that and so unfortunately have to decline.

No, of course not - your role is to love the child, and take an interest in their welfare and moral upbringing. You are another adult around them to make them feel important and secure. In theory - I have 6 Godchildren but have sadly lost touch with two of them. The other 4 I see at least monthly, play games with, do crafts with, take swimming, and out to the zoo, and generally make feel loved and valued. I am there to support mums emotionally too. This is the role of a Godparent.

Nope. Godparents traditionally are meant to help the child be a good Christian. Paul’s teachings on being content in all circumstances seem appropriate here.

most godparents buy a gift at birthdays and Christmas, but an inexpensive toy car will suffice here.

Is an actual christening ceremony even planned? (And are you prepared to renounce Satan and all his works?)

This woman is grabby in the extreme. She will coach her child to make demands of you as he grows up. You've been very generous with outings and gifts, but honestly she's not your friend, she sees you as a cash cow. I would distance myself quite sharpish.

She sounds like a cheeky fucker, who’s asked you to be a godparent thinking you’ll pay out. She’ll likely just ramp it up once you’re in the role.

There is zero obligation for godparents to contribute financially to their godchildren’s upbringing.

Honeatly, I’d decline.

So is the boy's mother a Christian, does she attend church? Has the christening actually taken place?

I think your so-called friend has chosen the two richest people she knows as godparents, with the aim of milking them for all they're worth. Nothing very Christian about that.

No a Godchild doesn’t ask for a house or gifts on this scale. You are being played op. It isn’t your job to provide a house or a private education for the child. You are being generous enough already with your time and money. You are doing enough.

Sadly, spending time on MN will show lots of people use godparents like cash cows.

I bet there are godparents for this child you don’t know about. Given you were asked to be GM when GC was 3, I suspect your friend asked you when previous GM did not prove generous enough.

Hence the other enormously wealthy godparent.

My god parents sent me a card and/or a book for bdays and Christmas until I was about 5. Then disappeared from our lives.

No 4 year old says they want those things - they are not that aware. She is trying to con you.

Did your parents make any effort with them?

For Christmas and Birthday, if and when asked, I suggest the smallest ideas to my kids godparents, usually a book, often an annual available for about £5, some give a bit more, some never give, any modest present is appreciated, but not expected. Doesn’t give them but might bring something very small when he sees them every couple of years.

He's not 4 yet!3 still!

No you don’t pay for the child’s upbringing the mother does and she needs to get the child maintenance enforced so she’s not receiving sporadic payments. You don’t have to pay for all the outings. Next time she suggests a visit somewhere if it’s something bookable online why not say your busy at the moment will you book it for us, then see what her response is although we don’t really need to know what she says cos it’s very obvious she’s using you for money

@pureshoresss What you are describing is not the role of a godparent. A godparent's role is to provide spiritual guidance only.

When you say you are a giving person by culture, what culture are we talking about?