Horrible wife - didn't contact DH enough

Unrulywifey81 · 2024-02-02T12:55:43+00:00

DH has been away for a week on a course. I've been at home working full time and looking after the children. So hard on both of us. DH has come home today in a massive strop as I didn't contact him enough. Apparently the fact I messaged him a few (maybe 5) times during the day, made sure he spoke to the children every night while trying to keep on top of work, household chores and keeping us all alive wasn't enough He messaged one evening when I was enjoying the rarity of having the TV to myself and a couple of early nights and I wasn't in the mood for sexting and now thinks that I didn't make enough effort During the day when I messaged him there were delays between messages as I was on calls (camera on) so apparently because I wouldn't stop the call to message him is rude.

AnnaMagnani · 02/02/2024 12:58

Totally unreasonable.

I'm away for work every week. We have a set time we Facetime, other than that we don't expect stuff off each other.

You need a chat about reasonable expectations.

MinnieMountain · 02/02/2024 12:59

He’s being ridiculous.

My DH was on holiday last week. We messaged once a day and he rang twice to speak to DS. I recon since he’s away, he’s got more time to initiate communication.

candycane222 · 02/02/2024 13:00

What a baby he is.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 02/02/2024 13:01

Why the fuck didn’t he contact you?

Does his phone not make calls, only receive them?

TimeForTeaAndG · 02/02/2024 13:03

Why wasn't he busy with his course?

Tell him to grow up, and ignore any stropping. You were keeping the home running, working, and looking after the DC.

MinervatheGreat · 02/02/2024 13:03

He’s being controlling and ridiculous.
Ive been there. It’s hateful and depressing.
I got out because it was all part of a controlling narcissistic package.
Good luck OP, good luck.

Goinoutalone · 02/02/2024 13:04

is he 2!!?? Ffs! Who is in the mood for sexting after a long day with the kids on your own!? I really think men have no fucking idea! As long as they are pleased sexually that’s all that seems to matter to them first and foremost. Ughh…

Olika · 02/02/2024 13:05

FFS. Tell him that while he was away having nothing to do and having his own bedroom each night you were taking care of your kids and the home. I would have no patience for this shit from him.

Daleksatemyshed · 02/02/2024 13:06

I thought you'd beein in contact more than enough and then I saw the word sexting. He's put out because you had a nice quiet evening to yourself instead of sending him sexy messages. That's pretty sad of him really

Alicewinn · 02/02/2024 13:06

What's he like when you're at home? Sounds like a bigger issue

Dweetfidilove · 02/02/2024 13:06

You aren’t a horrible wife at all. More a case of ‘the devil makes work for idle hands and minds’.
He’s sitting around unoccupied in the evenings and has forgotten you’re still busy doing everything else at home.

I don’t think he’s entirely unreasonable either, as it’s not ‘wrong’ to want to feel connected to your partner when away, so a bit of sexting isn’t an unreasonable demand.

Stropping and poor communication is unsexy though.

Goinoutalone · 02/02/2024 13:08

@Dweetfidilove really? It’s ok to demand sexting?! Give over! There’s plenty of other ways to connect with your other half!!

margegunderson · 02/02/2024 13:09

Dweetfidilove · 02/02/2024 13:06

You aren’t a horrible wife at all. More a case of ‘the devil makes work for idle hands and minds’.
He’s sitting around unoccupied in the evenings and has forgotten you’re still busy doing everything else at home.

I don’t think he’s entirely unreasonable either, as it’s not ‘wrong’ to want to feel connected to your partner when away, so a bit of sexting isn’t an unreasonable demand.

Stropping and poor communication is unsexy though.

So she's got to be sexy and sexually available to her husband when he's miles away and physically unavailable?
I've heard the lot now.

EIIaJ · 02/02/2024 13:10

Dweetfidilove · 02/02/2024 13:06

You aren’t a horrible wife at all. More a case of ‘the devil makes work for idle hands and minds’.
He’s sitting around unoccupied in the evenings and has forgotten you’re still busy doing everything else at home.

I don’t think he’s entirely unreasonable either, as it’s not ‘wrong’ to want to feel connected to your partner when away, so a bit of sexting isn’t an unreasonable demand.

Stropping and poor communication is unsexy though.

Any "demand" is gobshite behaviour.

EIIaJ · 02/02/2024 13:11

He sounds like a catch

TwattingDog · 02/02/2024 13:13

If only there had been a way for him to make contact with you, eh? Poor sausage.

Diamondcurtains · 02/02/2024 13:15

So basically he’s sulking because he didn’t get sex messages. What a knob.

cheddercherry · 02/02/2024 13:19

Was expecting to read that you’d text him once his entire trip but multiple times in the day and calls with the kids at night and he’s basically just annoyed you wouldn’t sext him.

I wonder if he’s got major trust issues that he needs constant reassurance and immediate response? Or he’s so shortsighted he can’t see why you wouldn’t find looking after kids on your own and working AND replying quickly to him AND being his on call sexbot appealing, or he’s laying the groundwork so when you discover he’s actually sexting someone he can throw back the “you’ve neglected me so I had to go elsewhere” card.

But no you’re not unreasonable and nor have you deprived him of an adequate amount of attention on his work trip.

TeabySea · 02/02/2024 13:20

He's being ridiculous.
Last year DH was away working for a week. I spoke to him the first night he was there. We exchanged a couple of messages (no sexting), over the next few days. I then spoke to him the day he was due to come back.
I was busy, he was busy. Neither of us needed to be in persistent contact.

Dweetfidilove · 02/02/2024 13:20

@EIIaJ @margegunderson @Goinoutalone you're right- demand is not a good word.

Sexting ones partner, however is not outside the realms of reasonable, so no, I don’t believe he’s terrible for wanting to sext. And he has to accept OP was busy, not in the mood or otherwise- but it’s not unreasonable.

I did also say he’s away and unoccupied, and is forgetting that OP is at home doing all the usual stuff, and that’s wheee the issue is.

I also said stropping does not inspire sexual desire, so he’s unreasonable there.

And I replied OP is neither horrible nor unreasonable. I did not suggest she has to be sexually available - you made that up.

Again, it’s normal to want a connection, sexual or otherwise with a partner and they can discuss how that works if he’ll be working/ going away often.

It’s really not groundbreaking stuff.

TeabySea · 02/02/2024 13:22

Dweetfidilove · 02/02/2024 13:06

You aren’t a horrible wife at all. More a case of ‘the devil makes work for idle hands and minds’.
He’s sitting around unoccupied in the evenings and has forgotten you’re still busy doing everything else at home.

I don’t think he’s entirely unreasonable either, as it’s not ‘wrong’ to want to feel connected to your partner when away, so a bit of sexting isn’t an unreasonable demand.

Stropping and poor communication is unsexy though.

If my DH asked me to engage in sexting he'd get a resounding no. Not my thing at all and he wouldn't suggest it.

UnctuousUnicorns · 02/02/2024 13:24

I'm so sorry that you're married to a needy, whiny man child.

EIIaJ · 02/02/2024 13:25

Dweetfidilove · 02/02/2024 13:20

@EIIaJ @margegunderson @Goinoutalone you're right- demand is not a good word.

Sexting ones partner, however is not outside the realms of reasonable, so no, I don’t believe he’s terrible for wanting to sext. And he has to accept OP was busy, not in the mood or otherwise- but it’s not unreasonable.

I did also say he’s away and unoccupied, and is forgetting that OP is at home doing all the usual stuff, and that’s wheee the issue is.

I also said stropping does not inspire sexual desire, so he’s unreasonable there.

And I replied OP is neither horrible nor unreasonable. I did not suggest she has to be sexually available - you made that up.

Again, it’s normal to want a connection, sexual or otherwise with a partner and they can discuss how that works if he’ll be working/ going away often.

It’s really not groundbreaking stuff.

Hes away for a week on a course. And you think he's forgotten that his wife works full time, looks after children and is doing everything that comes with that? It's not groundbreaking to keep your dick in your kecks for a week while life is crazy busy for your wife, if your wife is not giving you those signals back in the moment. Its called respect. Raise your bar.

WeeOrcadian · 02/02/2024 13:30

So he's away - presumably without kids, housework, after school activities, shopping, cooking, etc etc etc.... but complains that you didn't contact him enough?

If only there were nifty things that we could communicate with

He's being a selfish, self-centred, childish prick

UnctuousUnicorns · 02/02/2024 13:31

TeabySea · 02/02/2024 13:22

If my DH asked me to engage in sexting he'd get a resounding no. Not my thing at all and he wouldn't suggest it.

Show quote history

Same, fuck that. Tell him to save both hands for taking care of himself.

My DH has been away on work trips for a week or so in the past. A brief chat by phone at the end of the day was all we both deemed sufficient to keep in touch. I sometimes go away by myself for weekends; I usually don't bother calling at all, not just for a couple of days. 28 years together, 25 married. I couldn't stand such stifling clinginess - so unattractive.