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Original poster

Horrible wife - didn't contact DH enough

287 replies

Unrulywifey81 · 02/02/2024 12:55

DH has been away for a week on a course. I've been at home working full time and looking after the children. So hard on both of us.

DH has come home today in a massive strop as I didn't contact him enough. Apparently the fact I messaged him a few (maybe 5) times during the day, made sure he spoke to the children every night while trying to keep on top of work, household chores and keeping us all alive wasn't enough

He messaged one evening when I was enjoying the rarity of having the TV to myself and a couple of early nights and I wasn't in the mood for sexting and now thinks that I didn't make enough effort

During the day when I messaged him there were delays between messages as I was on calls (camera on) so apparently because I wouldn't stop the call to message him is rude.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 02/02/2024 14:37

Unrulywifey81 · 02/02/2024 13:52

So he's apparently upset that after he spoke to the kids I didn't message in the evening. Some evenings I messaged to say I am off to bed, some I forgot as I was so tired I pretty much fell asleep by about 9pm as I was up early but I messaged every morning to say morning.

There is a longer frustration though as he thinks I work too hard, as even when he is not away I don't always message during the day (busy as work - very full on job, I get maybe a couple of minutes to have a lunch when which and then use my actual lunch break to go and collect the children)

His job is less busy, and he works a lot of shifts which i know makes him feel lonely as he is here trying to sleep a lot during the day.

When I am at work and WFH I have an office space that I use, and he thinks I should sit out with him to talk to him and keep him entertained!

Dear god…

sleepwellifyoucan · 02/02/2024 14:42

There is nothing less attractive than a grown adult needing attention like a toddler. I don't understand why people would message multiple times a day, or even at all if they live together. Why can't a grown man entertain himself?

YouOKHun · 02/02/2024 14:46

Unrulywifey81 · 02/02/2024 14:00

Should also add, I went away for a couple of courses earlier this year and we had a call in the morning maybe if I wasn't tired (had to work some late shifts on my course for practical training) and I wouldn't even get to talk to the children.

We had a massive row the weekend before I went on one of mine, and didn't speak all week. Nothing. Didn't even get an update on how the children were or anything.

He also wasn't working when I was on my course. He was off. The whole week. So he had time to message me.

TBH I was expecting you to report the type of behaviour you endure when it’s your turn to be away. The massive showdown beforehand so it’s as unsettling and negative as possible (and hopefully will persuade you to avoid going away) and then the punishment during. It’s all very controlling. The whole “you work too hard” thing - does that translate as “you have too much autonomy and outside contact when you work”?

It sounds like he’s trying to limit you to fall in line with his own limitations. Tell him to grow up and that you’ll be responding to texts only when you’re good and ready if at all.

LifeExperience · 02/02/2024 15:00

This is really about the sexting you didn't do. Tell him to grow up.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/02/2024 15:02

So the only time he bothered messaging you was for a wank, and the times you messaged him didn't count because it was for the kids not a wank? Pretty much covers it?

nutbrownhare15 · 02/02/2024 15:03

Tell him to fuck off. I would.

PermanentTemporary · 02/02/2024 15:04

"When I am at work and WFH I have an office space that I use, and he thinks I should sit out with him to talk to him and keep him entertained!"

Oh Christ. I know there are couples that operate like this. It has been a life's work by me to find a relationship where the other person was NOT like this. Tbh it took quite a lot of therapy for me to understand that I chose very needy partners because of various drives and impulses of my own which I won't bore you with. It wasn't accidental that I was with people like that. It was, however, very difficult to cope with, particularly once I had a child and everything changed.

I've got no good advice here except to suggest that you consider a bit of therapy or perhaps couples therapy . It doesn't sound like you have time for it though.

Terrribletwos · 02/02/2024 15:09

Unrulywifey81 · 02/02/2024 14:00

Should also add, I went away for a couple of courses earlier this year and we had a call in the morning maybe if I wasn't tired (had to work some late shifts on my course for practical training) and I wouldn't even get to talk to the children.

We had a massive row the weekend before I went on one of mine, and didn't speak all week. Nothing. Didn't even get an update on how the children were or anything.

He also wasn't working when I was on my course. He was off. The whole week. So he had time to message me.

Oh dear.

PaulCostinRIP · 02/02/2024 15:09

He's a big baby.

Terrribletwos · 02/02/2024 15:11

One rule for him and another for you. Why?

IchGlaubMeinSchweinPfeift · 02/02/2024 15:13

Is he 14?

coconutpie · 02/02/2024 15:15

Your H is a prick. I'd be reconsidering the marriage as he sounds fucking awful.

javamum · 02/02/2024 15:16

Sorry. Agree with everyone else - he sounds dreadful. Our rule is the person away is the one to ring!

sparkellie · 02/02/2024 15:18

Is this a precursor to 'you neglected me which is why I ended up in bed with someone else'?
It's pathetic. If he doesn't like the fact that being away reduces communication he needs to find a job where he doesn't travel. Not throw his toys out the pram because he's not getting all your attention.
Tell him to grow up.

Terrribletwos · 02/02/2024 15:18

"wouldn't get to talk to the children"? Really, he said you couldn't talk to the children? That's just awful!

Lighrbulbmo · 02/02/2024 15:19

Is he usually so demanding and needing, how unattractive.

pictoosh · 02/02/2024 15:20

Diamondcurtains · 02/02/2024 13:15

So basically he’s sulking because he didn’t get sex messages. What a knob.

Nailed it.
He was only away for a week. You kept him up to date and he spoke to the kids.
This is all about the sexting.
Ugh.

Noicant · 02/02/2024 15:21

DH has to go away, he records videos for DD and we have a quick chat when we can but generally whatsapping because of time difference. We both understand that the other is busy.

Inefficient · 02/02/2024 15:24

Ugh, what a needy nightmare he is. I would find this behaviour so unattractive.

Ponderingwindow · 02/02/2024 15:26

When either DH or I has to travel for work, the person staying at home has extra tasks. Between work and family, we typically only check in once a day and sometimes it’s just a quick text. Sometimes it is more, but if it is, it’s probably for something boring like discussing a bill.

your husband needs to grow up and realize that while business travel is tiring, it is also a break in its own way. A quiet hotel room, takeout and a tv all to yourself is heaven.

TheSnakeCharmer · 02/02/2024 15:28

If my husband tried sexting me from a work trip, I would have a lot of fun with my responses! Does he think that you offer some sort of 0800 service? And is he prepared to pay your premium rates?
He sounds like a complete knob.

pictoosh · 02/02/2024 15:29

Read your updates. He's a selfish baby. Only you know whether he's likely to make an effort to be less self-absorbed...but I suspect he won't.
All you can change is how you react. Tell him he's being bloody unpleasant then refuse to discuss anything other than his full and frank apology.
Ignore the sulking.

C00k · 02/02/2024 15:31

All about the man's thoughts, wants, sex pest texts, who cares?
What do you want @Unrulywifey81 ?
Do several more decades of this shit appeal?
Any thoughts on the replies to your thread?

Aroundthewaygirl · 02/02/2024 15:32

My ex had an issue with me not contacting him when I went away for 24 hours. He said if I cared about him or was thinking about him I would've reached out. I was with two friends and both of them reached out their partners that night, which I thought was ridiculous. But makes me think maybe I just didn't like my ex like that 😂

Noseybookworm · 02/02/2024 15:32

You're married to a needy baby 😬 tell him to grow up!