Horrible wife - didn't contact DH enough

[Unrulywifey81]

DH has been away for a week on a course. I've been at home working full time and looking after the children. So hard on both of us.

DH has come home today in a massive strop as I didn't contact him enough. Apparently the fact I messaged him a few (maybe 5) times during the day, made sure he spoke to the children every night while trying to keep on top of work, household chores and keeping us all alive wasn't enough

He messaged one evening when I was enjoying the rarity of having the TV to myself and a couple of early nights and I wasn't in the mood for sexting and now thinks that I didn't make enough effort

During the day when I messaged him there were delays between messages as I was on calls (camera on) so apparently because I wouldn't stop the call to message him is rude.

He gets arsey about you not being constantly available to entertain him however he sees fit at all times but I bet he enjoys the money you bring in.

This sounds unbearable and deeply unattractive.

He hates this and thinks it rules my life.

He's jealous of it, that's his job.

He'll not like the independence it gives you. The outside contact.

Does he take responsibility for anything @Unrulywifey81 or do you, or someone else, somehow always end up being to blame for things?

Its (the lack of) sexting OP, not how many times you messaged or how quick you answered. He's just using 'not enough contact' as a euphemism for 'unwillingness to sext'.

God what a big baby. I refuse to sext....ever.

Couldn’t have put it any better than this. How on earth can anyone begrudge you working during your actual working hours.

Why do you think he is so triggered by your job? Do you earn more than him?

He's a utter selfish dick. Can't he entertain himself? Doesn't he have any hobbies or couldn't he do something useful? Like maybe mind the kids?

It sounds as if he's setting you up for blame over something that is going on in his life.

After your update of 15:48 today, my response is to start making plans to leave this horrible man.

Don't back down when you take out your laptop.
Go to the apprenticeship.
Keep your job at all costs.

Do not engage in any justifying of your parenting decisions that he questions. Tell him you're sorry he feels that way and carry on regardless. Same goes for any job decisions you make.

You will eventually find he is having an affair. You will be well rid.

He thinks my job rules my life, because I enjoy it and don't have time during the day to give him my undivided attention.

Don't get me wrong, my job isn't life or death but it's high pressure, lots going on and middle management type role. I can have days where I don't talk to anyone so and have to be head down writing code (requires a high level of concentration) then have days where I am talking to people all day (on Wednesday for example I had teams meetings from 9am - 3pm, no gap and any time I did have a gap and teams turned green someone rang me!)

Two days in the office and I don't want to be seen as sitting on my phone when I am in the office so unless it's an emergency I tend to not look at my phone

Today he has classed messaging do we have bread and me taking 4 minutes to reply because I was on a call too long.

We have argued tonight and he said he feels neglected all the time and this week has just highlighted it as he's spent 18 hours in a hotel room on his own and wanted someone to talk to.

I told him that's not my problem and now I have been branded as selfish and a horrible word I won't repeat.

Oh FFS - what a child he is. My DH and I don't even speak if it's just a few days. A couple of Whatsapp messages suffice - we're both adults and can catch up when we're back together.

Does he not understand the concept of work? If you work 9-5 then you shouldn't be contacting him between those hours unless you are on your lunch break. It is this constant phone action that drives employers mad. Some even have to ban employees from using their phones during working hours because they just can't put them down and concentrate on their work.

Nobody needs to be in constant contact. You don't have to answer your phone the second it rings. You shouldn't be looking at it while you are working. He shouldn't expect you to.

And why is he allowed to go on his tablet, but you aren't allowed to use the laptop at the same time?

His behaviour is clingy, childish and controlling and he needs to get a grip on it.

Not everyone enjoys sexting either and if you don't feel like it, then he needs to accept that.

a perfect example of hidden sexual obsession. Correct ?

Wow, my previous job I couldn’t even carry my phone with me so would check it lunch’s and afterwards. True emergencies came through the landline to the company head.
Of course you’re not their to fucking entertain when you’re working!

He is very unreasonable. He seems needy and controlling. Don't give up your job and do the apprenticeship. Don't let him bully you out of job opportunities.

My husband worked away Monday to Friday for 2 years. I found Fridays were always a bit of a disappointment and once Sunday dinner was over it was a build up to him going. I hated it but Saturdays were usually nice.

Hehehe. My husband can go away for a week and I don’t contact him the entire time!

I love him so much though. Just love no having to make conversation!

Everything @YouOKHun said.

Textbook selfish, controlling baby

You work too hard = you have too much autonomy outside of ME. I should be your priority at all times. Also 'don't get too big for your boots' at any point that you are complimented/rewarded/acknowledged at work

Massive fight over nothing = You dare to go away with work and leave me to fend for myself? You are neglecting your wifely duties and my needs. Therefore I will not support you, but instead will punish you to make sure you feel anxious the whole time you are away

You didn't call enough = I need you to make me your number one focus. If you are not on the phone to me, I don't know what you are doing - you might be RELAXING. Also my penis needs constant attention.

And on it goes

You need to stand your ground
You need to call him out for what he is and what he is doing

If you don't, he will wear you down and before you know what's happening, you won't be able to be on the phone with work or a friend without having one eye on the clock knowing you are supposed to be calling him in exactly three minutes.

Stop it in it's tracks.

What a fucking baby.

I've just been away for a week. WhatsApped a bit, maybe a couple messages a day, called once. That's it.

My husband is currently away. I messaged him nearly 4 hours ago and he hasn't read it yet. Am I upset? No, he's clearly busy. He'll reply at some point this evening, which I may or may not notice immediately as I'll be watching the telly. He won't be upset either.
I think your DH is jealous of your job. You're clearly successful and also run the house. He's trying to bully you as you (unintentionally) intimidate him.

Sounds like he wants a mummy, not a wife.

Good grief, what a whiny man-baby.

He's either controlling or very lacking in self-esteem. Which is it, OP?

His behaviour is disgraceful.

Try asking why he, a grown man, is unable to cope with speaking to you 5 times in a week, as well as speaking to his dc each evening, yet when you’re away it’s fine and not at all damaging for the poor dc to not speak to their dm at all for the entire trip (and obviously for you not to speak to any of them). This is cruel and unkind and he is behaving like a spoiled brat.

Sorry but I have a feeling this marriage won't last. You'll never be able to keep up with demands that are so unreasonable long term. I was married to a similar 'problem' what a relief when it ended.

There's a thread recently asking how often partners text each other during the working day. Was that you unruly ?

My answer to that thread was we only on the occasion of death and hospital admissions. I certainly wouldn't be "chatting" to DP via text during the working day, even at break times.

He is being completely unreasonable, petty and bloody annoying; I reserve judgement on whether he's controlling. It's in your court as to what you decide to do but if he was mine, he'd be on dodgy ground.