@Unrulywifey81
Oh Love, I'm sure I'm old enough to be your mum and I've had one hellacious 5 year marriage as a young woman and one wonderful marriage (35 year and going strong) so listen when I say that it's time to call it a day. We only get one go round on this beautiful Earth, don't waste yours in unhappiness and misery. No amount of 'he's a good guy some/most of the time' is worth the amount of time when he makes you miserable. And he's NOT a good father. The most important thing a father can do for his children is treat their mother with respect and kindness. And he doesn't do that, does he?
No, it won't be easy. Yes, you'll shed tears and be angry and all those emotional things. And yes, you may come out of it with a 'less good' financial position, but believe me, your personal happiness and that of your children AND your sanity is worth all those things. I've said it before, I'd rather eat beans in a bed sit than dine on filet mignon in a mansion with a man like yours.
If I may suggest? Quietly see a solicitor. Take them a financial snapshot of incomes and assets, both his and yours. Get yourself educated as to what divorce might mean for you, financially speaking. Think about what you'd like as far a child arrangements and ask about the 'norm' in your area compared to what you'd like. Ask about the possibilities of moving 'home' or to a less expensive area, if that's something you'd be interested in. Seeing a solicitor doesn't mean you're going to 'do anything', it just means you're educating yourself as to your possibilities.
Also, please seek support IRL. You've been carrying this emotional load all by yourself for too long. Time to find a relative or friend to lean on, one you can trust to keep your confidence and provide a nonjudgmental listening ear as you work through what you want to do. Tell them the truth about your marriage.
You can get out of this misery you're living in and you will be happy again once you do. It will take time and some hard work, but you'll get there.
And whatever you do, do NOT show him this thread. Don't even tell him you're on MN. You need to 'go stealth' right now as you think about what you want for your and your children's lives.