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AIBU?

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Original poster

Horrible wife - didn't contact DH enough

287 replies

Unrulywifey81 · 02/02/2024 12:55

DH has been away for a week on a course. I've been at home working full time and looking after the children. So hard on both of us.

DH has come home today in a massive strop as I didn't contact him enough. Apparently the fact I messaged him a few (maybe 5) times during the day, made sure he spoke to the children every night while trying to keep on top of work, household chores and keeping us all alive wasn't enough

He messaged one evening when I was enjoying the rarity of having the TV to myself and a couple of early nights and I wasn't in the mood for sexting and now thinks that I didn't make enough effort

During the day when I messaged him there were delays between messages as I was on calls (camera on) so apparently because I wouldn't stop the call to message him is rude.

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 02/02/2024 15:34

He came home in a strop cos you didn't sext/text him. He sounds very jealous and controlling. Have you discussed this with him?

Wednesdaysphiltrum · 02/02/2024 15:42

You’ve had other threads haven’t you. This is ringing bells. Is he the one that deliberately lets your children interrupt your work calls @Unrulywifey81?

His utter cuntishness sounds totally familiar.

Original poster
Unrulywifey81 · 02/02/2024 15:48

Thank you for all the replies

There have been issues for a while, we had an argument a few days before he went over something trivial that he strung out for a week. And while he was away we had an argument as I had dared to give the children a biscuit after picking them up from after school club/nursery a bit early and got caught off guard with a call I wasn't expecting so I gave them something to keep them entertained while I did the call

My job is an issue for him, I like my job, but while i am working between 9 - 5 I am working, head down and barely get time to go to the bathroom some days, let alone anything else. He hates this and thinks it rules my life.

If he is playing on his tablet in the evening and I dare to get my laptop out he will moan (sometimes I am using it for some studying I am doing) but the ranting I hear about this is not worth it!

On the subject of studying, my work are putting me through an apprenticeship and when I told him, all he did was complain that was more time I wouldn't get to spend with him and the kids (its during work hours so not sure how that would affect that!)

OP posts:
BringOnFebBankHoliday · 02/02/2024 15:56

My job is an issue for him, I like my job, but while I am working between 9 - 5 I am working, head down and barely get time to go to the bathroom some days, let alone anything else. He hates this and thinks it rules my life.

You're right to work during your working day..... He's A Dickhead!!!! And judging by your posts here I doubt we've heard the worst of it.

SecondUsername4me · 02/02/2024 15:57

"It might come as a shock to you dh, but I'm not just here to service everyone else's needs"

Mariposistaaa · 02/02/2024 16:07

Neither of you should be messaging in work hours!
Set a clear time when you can FT and if you connect, great, if it’s not possible and he doesn’t see the kids for one day I’m sure nobody will die.

Trulyme · 02/02/2024 16:15

Not read the other replies but this screams out that he’s controlling.

No one needs that level of contact, unless he wanted to know what you were doing at all times.

He’s controlling and jealous and by the amount of contact you did have with him, sounds like he’s been this way for a while and you are just very used to it.

Orangejuggler · 02/02/2024 16:27

@Unrulywifey81 it sounds like he’s looking for an argument or ways to make out you are the problem.

I’m not going to call LTB …yet…but he sounds like he’s doing the man child tactic of trying to make the relationship breakdown while making it your fault.

Orangejuggler · 02/02/2024 16:31

Also- if you are only working 9-5, then he is really lucky! sounds like you’re very productive in your normal day, so you aren’t working late.

I wouldn’t say that was normal- I’d say that was better than normal! So many couples barely see each other during a working week because of long hours and commutes. You are also wfh, so no commute to deal with…

SleepingMermaid · 02/02/2024 16:32

I could have written this word for word. I cannot get through to my DH that when I'm working I'm busy. I have a really intense (and senior) job and it takes all my time and concentration when I'm in the office.

DH is constantly upset and angry that I spend too much time working and he's lonely. He gave up an office job 2 years ago and now works for himself. He doesn't seem to grasp that I need to work to pay bills and support myself and the family.

I'm completely lost, I have failed to get through to him

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 16:34

Oh dear, when I started reading this I thought ick how needy is he. Then you went on in subsequent posts to describe a controlling abusive piece of shit.

Dweetfidilove · 02/02/2024 16:36

There’s a whole lot more here than not messaging while he’s away.

There’s a lot of neediness, hostility and terrible communication so I’ll guess the relationship is just poor overall - likely controlling.

Did he hinder you speaking to your children for a week? If that’s the case, then I’d be considering LTB.

99victoria · 02/02/2024 16:38

I couldn't be with someone who is so needy. My husband and don't feel the need to be constantly calling and texting each other when we're apart. When did this additional life pressure come about?

Ladyj84 · 02/02/2024 16:43

Ah me and hubby we text or call when we do no set times or expectations but we would never fall asleep before a quick love you call

InAPickle12345 · 02/02/2024 16:48

Jesus Christ he sounds so bloody needy.

You need to have a discussion with him and explain that your expectations on levels of communication are totally different. His issues with your job need to be kept to himself, you're working a 9 to 5 and during that time, he shouldn't need to contact you unless it's an emergency. Opening the laptop in the evening to catch up on study or work is your own business and he can shove his disgruntled comments, particularly as he's just sat there on his tablet or watching tv.

I broke up with a partner for his needy behaviour and your posts have me breaking out in spots, it's such a deeply unattractive trait in a person 🤢

wronginalltherightways · 02/02/2024 17:04

I'd not engage beyond telling him to grow the fuck up and where was his thank you to you for doing all the heavy lifting singlehandedly while he was off enjoying his responsibility-free evenings.

Inefficient · 02/02/2024 17:10

Unrulywifey81 · 02/02/2024 15:48

Thank you for all the replies

There have been issues for a while, we had an argument a few days before he went over something trivial that he strung out for a week. And while he was away we had an argument as I had dared to give the children a biscuit after picking them up from after school club/nursery a bit early and got caught off guard with a call I wasn't expecting so I gave them something to keep them entertained while I did the call

My job is an issue for him, I like my job, but while i am working between 9 - 5 I am working, head down and barely get time to go to the bathroom some days, let alone anything else. He hates this and thinks it rules my life.

If he is playing on his tablet in the evening and I dare to get my laptop out he will moan (sometimes I am using it for some studying I am doing) but the ranting I hear about this is not worth it!

On the subject of studying, my work are putting me through an apprenticeship and when I told him, all he did was complain that was more time I wouldn't get to spend with him and the kids (its during work hours so not sure how that would affect that!)

OP I beg you not to let this continue. Please do not let him undermine your work. He is not respecting you and is diminishing your job. At some level, he is sabotaging your career.

You cannot allow this. If he continues, I would seriously consider reevaluating the relationship. Especially in view of the other ridiculous details like the biscuit.

I can’t believe you don’t get your laptop out because it is not worth enduring his criticism. You cannot limit your life this way OP. It is not normal.

Trulyme · 02/02/2024 17:14

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 16:34

Oh dear, when I started reading this I thought ick how needy is he. Then you went on in subsequent posts to describe a controlling abusive piece of shit.

I completely agree.

Now he’s sulking over it which is typical behaviour.

Sweden99 · 02/02/2024 17:14

@Unrulywifey81, suggest he speak to his mates about the issue. I expect their jaws will drop and then they will laugh at him.

Sweden99 · 02/02/2024 17:15

Oh, sweet Lord. This is abusive.

Trulyme · 02/02/2024 17:17

Of course he doesn’t like your job or the fact you’re going on your laptop.

Let me guess, it causes an argument when you go out with your friends too.

This is not ok OP.

I hate when MNers jump straight to LTB for trivial things, but this is actually really worrying to read and it’s even more worrying that you can’t see how bad his behaviour is.

Grammarnut · 02/02/2024 17:17

DH needs a kick up the arse. Why should you call him all day? Imagine a world without mobiles when you could not. Sexting? On his bike, you are not a prostituted woman, you are a wife.

Y0URSELF · 02/02/2024 17:17

SleepingMermaid · 02/02/2024 16:32

I could have written this word for word. I cannot get through to my DH that when I'm working I'm busy. I have a really intense (and senior) job and it takes all my time and concentration when I'm in the office.

DH is constantly upset and angry that I spend too much time working and he's lonely. He gave up an office job 2 years ago and now works for himself. He doesn't seem to grasp that I need to work to pay bills and support myself and the family.

I'm completely lost, I have failed to get through to him

You have got through to him, you have not failed and there is nothing wrong with your communication.

It’s not that he doesn’t understand, it’s that he doesn’t CARE. He doesn’t care what you want or who you feel. He sees you as his support human.

Do you want to go on living with a man who is constantly upset and angry with you because you won’t be his servant ? Or save him from the consequences of his own choices ?

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/02/2024 17:19

He sounds pretty horrible op. Dh went away this week. I spoke to him 3 times, sent a few texts back and forth about arrangements for a relatives party and summer holiday dates.

Edit: dd is mid teens so they can call / text one another rather than needing me to facilitate.

TerfTalking · 02/02/2024 17:26

Sheesh very infantile. My DH has worked away during the week for the best part of 35 years. He calls me early every morning (we’re morning people) and every evening either on his way back to the hotel or from the hotel whilst he’s waiting for food.

We rarely speak during the day unless either of us wants something, in which case we either call or text, no pressure and no expectation on either side of a response.

he sounds needy.