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Original poster

Horrible wife - didn't contact DH enough

287 replies

Unrulywifey81 · 02/02/2024 12:55

DH has been away for a week on a course. I've been at home working full time and looking after the children. So hard on both of us.

DH has come home today in a massive strop as I didn't contact him enough. Apparently the fact I messaged him a few (maybe 5) times during the day, made sure he spoke to the children every night while trying to keep on top of work, household chores and keeping us all alive wasn't enough

He messaged one evening when I was enjoying the rarity of having the TV to myself and a couple of early nights and I wasn't in the mood for sexting and now thinks that I didn't make enough effort

During the day when I messaged him there were delays between messages as I was on calls (camera on) so apparently because I wouldn't stop the call to message him is rude.

OP posts:
QueenBean22 · 02/02/2024 19:05

@Unrulywifey81

You need to omit the words “contact DH enough” from your post title and replace with “sext on demand” which is basically all it boils down to. And
no you don’t have to sext whenever he feels like it from boredom in his hotel room.

he’s a big fucking child. YANBU and you’re not a horrible wife.

Vinrouge4 · 02/02/2024 19:07

He sounds incredibly needy. Do you need another kid?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/02/2024 19:09

CucumberBagel · 02/02/2024 18:54

Sounds like he wants a mummy, not a wife.

Precisely. He wants to see his Mummy's boobies and thinks she's mean for not showing him when he's not even anywhere near them.

Uggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm going to have to sanitise the keyboard after typing that.

Ulysees · 02/02/2024 19:09

Sorry I just couldn't be with such a manchild.

What positivity does he bring?

Wednesdaysphiltrum · 02/02/2024 19:14

Fuck me sideways, he’s such a stupid cunt.

You're clearly a smart woman, how you cope with that prick is beyond me.

C00k · 02/02/2024 19:23

You don’t need to spend your time typing out the various ways he’s trash. We get it.

What do you want from your life?

Trulyme · 02/02/2024 19:27

Today he has classed messaging do we have bread and me taking 4 minutes to reply because I was on a call too long.

You cannot be at his beck and call.
He is controlling!

Are you free to go out without him and the children to see friends, family or go away with work?
Or does it create arguments?

My friend was in a controlling relationship and her DH never once told her no or said she’s not allowed to go out.

Instead he would create an argument, sulk about her not wanting to spend time with him or the kids or make up some other reason like he has to work or not feeling well etc.

ClaudiasWinkleMan · 02/02/2024 19:28

He sounds like a child. Does he behave like this all the time? I’d question if he brings anything good to your life or if it’s just lots of childish demands. Then I’d go from there.
Basically, is he worth the hassle?

Ulysees · 02/02/2024 19:32

,,@Wednesdaysphiltrum stop holding back 🤣

ReturnfromtheStars · 02/02/2024 19:32

What do you do @Unrulywifey81 ? Your job sounds great! Your husband less so ...

Wednesdaysphiltrum · 02/02/2024 19:34

Ulysees · 02/02/2024 19:32

,,@Wednesdaysphiltrum stop holding back 🤣

🫢 I know. I’m awful on these threads. I get so angry about these bloody useless streaks of piss these poor women are stuck with. And it’s been a long week.

pointythings · 02/02/2024 19:38

What a ridiculous needy loser he is.

When mine was still alive I had overnights with work quite frequently - I'd call in the evening, talk to him and the DC, that was it. When in the office we would only message if we needed something out of the ordinary.

Ulysees · 02/02/2024 19:39

@Wednesdaysphiltrum oh I'm the same. I just have had too many posts deleted 😉 I hear of it too much. It must be awful living with a cnut..

mrssunshinexxx · 02/02/2024 20:04

My dh works away every other week M-F used to be every week for years, we have 2 young kids but we don't talk that much he's busy doing a dangerous job and if he calls and misses bathtime / bed time, it's kind of tough but he defo doesn't sulk we just chat instead !

Sweden99 · 02/02/2024 20:10

Unrulywifey81 · 02/02/2024 18:41

He thinks my job rules my life, because I enjoy it and don't have time during the day to give him my undivided attention.

Don't get me wrong, my job isn't life or death but it's high pressure, lots going on and middle management type role. I can have days where I don't talk to anyone so and have to be head down writing code (requires a high level of concentration) then have days where I am talking to people all day (on Wednesday for example I had teams meetings from 9am - 3pm, no gap and any time I did have a gap and teams turned green someone rang me!)

Two days in the office and I don't want to be seen as sitting on my phone when I am in the office so unless it's an emergency I tend to not look at my phone

Today he has classed messaging do we have bread and me taking 4 minutes to reply because I was on a call too long.

We have argued tonight and he said he feels neglected all the time and this week has just highlighted it as he's spent 18 hours in a hotel room on his own and wanted someone to talk to.

I told him that's not my problem and now I have been branded as selfish and a horrible word I won't repeat.

I know the feeling.
It is particularly like that when my home life is dominated by someone who just makes my life harder, whereas at work it is possible to get things done, get good feed back and be respected.

Gagaandgag · 02/02/2024 20:32

At the end of the day he is seeking connection with you. I think he needs counselling. Maybe couples counselling could help

TheBayLady · 02/02/2024 20:33

Such a bad wife, you need to make him the centre of your attention 24/7 after all he is so special. Just get rid of him, can you imagine being retired and stuck at home with him, that is your future !

Gymnopedie · 02/02/2024 20:37

He sounds utterly pathetic. Whatever you saw in him to get married in the first place you are now finding out what he's really like. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being browbeaten because you don't put him front and centre 24/7?

I'd be looking for the way out. He'll beg and plead with you not to, then he'll turn nasty. Because it all has to be about HIM, doesn't it?

NaughtybutNice77 · 02/02/2024 20:40

Let's see how he manages when you go away for a week. He's an idiot. If there's one thing guaranteed to quash any desire I might have had, it's a needy, whiney, sulky man.
What a turn off!

Dibilnik · 02/02/2024 20:41

now I have been branded as selfish and a horrible word I won't repeat

I had this, too, with DH#1 (for nearly 20 years!).

Life is very, very different with DH#2 (many years later).

I'm afraid your DH sees you as an extension of his mother, or rather, the chance for him to seize with both hands the childhood he perhaps didn't get with his own mum. You are just the vehicle for him to achieve this satisfaction in his life.

Going on like this isn't doing either of you any favours. You might fear that he can't live without your support, and he will probably rub your nose in this anxiety, which he certainly shares. But honestly, his only way of beginning to grow up, and your only chance of happiness as an adult with some autonomy, is to cut the apron strings and let each other go.

Of course, he will never do this in a million years, so it's down you I'm afraid.

Good luck OP! Flowers
Everything will be all right eventually, including for him (within his limitations).

One life, etc.

Zanatdy · 02/02/2024 20:41

Wow. I wouldn’t be spoken to like he’s spoken to you tonight, shocking. It sounds like he’s completely controlling, what is wrong with giving the kids a biscuit so you can take a work call? The language used - dare to suggests he was angry at this.

fleurneige · 02/02/2024 20:49

So seems like we are all agreed!

AcrossthePond55 · 02/02/2024 20:50

@Unrulywifey81

I'd be telling him that if he thinks I don't 'pay enough attention' to him now, how's he going to handle it when I no longer have to pay any attention to him at all? Because if he doesn't cut that shit out, I'd be gone.

I assume the word you're referring to in your post is 'cunt'. Since you feel uncomfortable typing it, how uncomfortable do you feel knowing that's what he thinks of you? Or at least, that he feels free to use such a demeaning word about you? He's obviously not worried about your feelings, is he?

You are NOT doing anything wrong in balancing the needs of YOUR life against his neediness and doing what works for you. I can't decide if he's simply a man-baby or a massive controller. Or both. Probably both. At any rate, is this the way you want to live for the next 30-40-50 years? Because he's not going to change.

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 02/02/2024 20:51

on Wednesday for example I had teams meetings from 9am - 3pm, no gap and any time I did have a gap and teams turned green someone rang me!

Not the point of the thread I know, but if you click on your teams status button you can manually change it back to red/busy to deter being pounced on as happens when you show as green.

And yeah, what they all said above, he's a knob.

Winnipeggy · 02/02/2024 20:51

Jesus Christ you have kids and he's expecting sexting? I would call that laughably high maintenance