Useless at looking after my children on my own

[Grapeyexpectations]

Husband away on extended work trip. Children aged 4 and 7. Work full time. Only 4 days in of 3 weeks and I'm absolutely shattered.

Our days go like this:
5.40am get up, feed and take out dogs. Shower, pack school and work bags, make breakfast, get children up and dressed, have breakfast.
6.45am leave for school
8.00am work until 4.30pm, break of about 30 minutes at lunchtime
4.30pm pick up children, calm fraught nerves and tears (miss their dad)
5.45pm arrive home. Unpack bags, make dinner, feed and clean cats, have dinner with children, make packed lunches and organise clothes for morning, clean kitchen, take out dogs.
8pm bedtime routine and reading
9pm children bedtime. I fall asleep with them.

Why is this so hard? I'm already short tempered and feel like I'm failing my children.

Why does it take so long to get to and from school?

It's hard because your one person doing the job of 3 people.

Your full time job is one job
Being a mum is another job, that makes 2
Being a dad is another job, that makes 3 because you're doing that job too.

No advice, I’m useless as well. I have a 4 year old and 10 month old and dread any length of time looking after them without DP there. I start every day with the best of intentions but end up losing my patience by about 8am.

Is it really 1hr drive home from school? That seems awfully long. I would be tempted to buy some food from a shop en route to pick up (some fruit, yoghurts, precooked eggs or meat, pastries) and let them gorge on the way home. Means they’ve already eaten by the time you get back.

That’s a massive journey to school. I am assuming that you usually share drop off and pick up which makes it easier on you both?

Find a dog walker or put them into kennels for three weeks, as you probably would do going on holiday.

Who has the dogs during the day? Do they need going out first thing and last thing if they're at doggy daycare or whatever?

I remember having dogs and it’s just another job on the list with walking and means you’re up earlier and have less break after work.
is there anyone who could help you a bit whilst he’s away? Or just do a dog walk?

Can you get some easy meals the kids will eat? Micro curry or batch cook some so it’s on the table within 5 mins of being home?
Then get them to bed as soon as possible so you can have an hour to wind down in the evenings?

On days off, is there anyone around to help or spend time with so it doesn’t feel as much of a drudge?

Do you need to get up so early?

Who looks after dogs during the day? I'd cut out the early morning walk and ask the dogminder to do it.

Yeah this is a good idea. Or if they’ve had a hot meal at school then I send a packed lunch to after school club so that’s tea done and it’s just a rice cake, yogurt or fruit when we get back if they’re hungry.

That’s a full on schedule. Agree with others, can you outsource any aspect of the pets? And / or can anyone help with pick up or drop off of the kids? Can you take a day or two of annual leave while your husband is away?

It’s hard when you’re doing it solo, hope you’re ok.

One thing I find helps out massively is getting things ready the night before, uniforms out and ready, school and work bags packed and ready so you’re able to just grab them when heading the door. I feel stupid amounts of time get wasted when it’s done on the actual morning.

I bet the 1hr 15min journey home from school pick up is a killer! So I don’t blame you feeling fraught after that.

Try and take the pressure off yourself, simple meals etc
Could you also try taking just half an hour to yourself once the children are asleep with a hot drink just to unwind before bed?

An hour and 15 mins travel home from
school. Why is it so long? Your children must also be exhausted if they’re not going to bed until 9 pm.

That sounds totally exhausting. Is there an after school/ breakfast club that the children could go to a couple of days a week to give you some time back/ one less meal to sort out? Also can you have a few cheats every week - takeaway/ oven pizza/ pastries in the car for breakfast to lessen the food prep and clear up?

There's nothing wrong with you. Working full time with children and pets is exhausting....even more exhausting if you're on your own. You're not doing anything wrong

This sounds like insanely long days. I would absolutely be losing my shit if I had to get up at 5.45am for any reason. But every day?!

Your children must be exhausted. They are up and out of the house by 6.45am and don't get to bed until 9pm??

Who looks after the children while you are walking the dogs morning and evening?

Actually looking at your timings they may be in breakfast and after school club already, sorry.

I agree, especially at 4yo.

Can the kids have school dinners?
The youngest should be entitled to free ones, that frees up a job.

Dog walker

Cleaner

Iron work/school clothes on a weekend, put together in piles so easy accessible for everyone to pick a pile and put on.

That sounds crazy. As well as all the cats and dogs you are definitely doing 3 jobs there. Do you have any family nearby who can help? I’d definitely look at kennels and cattery

Op you have such an early morning and as someone said you’re doing the jobs of two/three people! I’m torn on the fact you get lunches ready and clean the kids before the kids go to bed, id say that’s where the guilt comes from, because you’re running about stressed then bed time routine. Saying that you’re up so early! (I’m sorry I’m crap at this!!) Would an 8 o clock bedtime help and do your lunches etc after? We all feel we’re failing op (sorry I do anyway). There’s just not enough time in the day! I’d echo you need some time to yourself, even a half hour after they go to bed where you read/watch a sitcom or do something for you! It’s so difficult to do but so satisfying if you do something you really want to do x hugs op

I am actually going to get a bit cross with you, @Grapeyexpectations - because you are NOT useless at looking after your children on your own! As a previous poster has said, you are coping with your job, and doing the work of both parents on your own - and you and the children are all fed, clean, at work/school - that is the polar opposite of useless, in my book!

Why leave so early? The pets are the issue, the children really aren’t.