Useless at looking after my children on my own

[Grapeyexpectations]

Husband away on extended work trip. Children aged 4 and 7. Work full time. Only 4 days in of 3 weeks and I'm absolutely shattered.

Our days go like this:
5.40am get up, feed and take out dogs. Shower, pack school and work bags, make breakfast, get children up and dressed, have breakfast.
6.45am leave for school
8.00am work until 4.30pm, break of about 30 minutes at lunchtime
4.30pm pick up children, calm fraught nerves and tears (miss their dad)
5.45pm arrive home. Unpack bags, make dinner, feed and clean cats, have dinner with children, make packed lunches and organise clothes for morning, clean kitchen, take out dogs.
8pm bedtime routine and reading
9pm children bedtime. I fall asleep with them.

Why is this so hard? I'm already short tempered and feel like I'm failing my children.

9pm is far too late for bedtime. The kids need more sleep and you need more time to yourself in the evening.

You must all be exhausted op.

Can you walk the dog later? Ours goes in the garden for 10 minutes on a morning then gets his walk when DH finishes work.

Can you change school? That really is a long commute.

Shower at night?

I feel your pain. My husband is about to spend an extended period of time away and I’ll be looking after 8 y/o and 2y/o

I'm already depressed about it and dh doesn’t go for another 2 weeks. I’m just down at all the incoming drudge work.

My kids are fine - the work it takes to keep a house running is definitely not my idea of a good time.

Batch cook at the weekend.

Make two days lunches in one go.

Kids unpack bags.

To answer a few questions -
For the dogs I just stand with them in the garden for five minutes morning and evening. I don’t walk them. My angel of a neighbour takes them for a walk every weekday with her own dogs.

In terms of the long commute, it's dropping kids off before I get to my own job. Also, am teacher so not allowed time off in term time.

It's a horribly long day for my children. Maybe should have dinner straightaway when we get home, then try to get them into bed and then do all the little jobs afterwards. But honestly I find it nearly impossible to get back up once I lay down with the children for hugs.

That is a long day for everyone! I'd seriously consider putting the dogs in kennels to free up some precious time. Or get a dog walker to come round for 2x 30 min walks. The dogs won't hate you, we frequently get regular dogs in when a partner is away for work. To them they are on holiday.... At our kennels anyway.

I gather the school is closer to your work than home? Do you all work/school over an hour away but usually share?

Oh and I'd stop the packed lunches. Can't your kids have school dinners?

And in terms of dinner in the evening...make it as easy as possible for yourself. Ready made pizza and bagged salad. Buy some pre cooked chicken and serve with microwave rice.

Stop the packed lunches, get a dog walker, kids go to bed earlier, batch cook, simple meals during the week, kids unpack bags

You need to change that day for the children. That is far too little sleep for them. They need to be in bed much earlier. It doesn't matter how motivated you are after putting them to bed, it isnt fair for them to be up that late and then that early.

also your list of jobs is an absolute drama. Put the dog in the garden while you make breakfast. It isnt like youre actually walking them at all. Making and eating breakfast doesn't deserve two spots on your list either!

honestly, i think youre making it harder than it needs to be. And youre making it sound like more than it is. Feed the cats? Isnt that opening a packet? 30 seconds of a job?

You’re spending 2.5 hours a day commuting with children-no wonder you’re knackered before you do anything else!

it’s just playing with time but I think if you brought the evening meal forward to when you come in you’ll feel a big difference in the evening time available to you.

I Don’t think you’ve said much about what and how you eat in the evening, but I’d seriously consider lowering your standards for the time your dh is away…a couple of weeks of microwave/Chuck in the oven food won’t harm anyone

What are you making for breakfast... A pre wrapped brioche and a banana is fine and zero effort

Why are your children attending a school an hour and 15 minutes away from where you live?

Does your 4 year old really go to bed at 9pm and wake up at 6? If so that’s nowhere near enough sleep. Bring bedtime right forwards and you’ve got yourself some evening back. 7 year old can read in bed if they’re not tired yet.

Seems normal. You are getting a nights sleep. Are you getting the washing machine done and cleaning at the weekend?

Wow I could have written this post. It gets to Thursday evening and I get burn out with everything left a state. It then takes me all Friday and weekend to get everything back in order.

Sorry I cannot offer any help, just understanding.

You don't sound like you have time to have dogs. Do you take them for a long walk at the weekends? If they're any bigger than a toy poodle it's rather unfair to keep them in the house 95% of the time.

No wonder you're knackered, that's a heck of a school trek! Why is it so long?! Plus, up that early to take dogs for a walk aswell, it sounds grim!

From reading that, it's the really early start and the school run that's your issue here.

I have to stay with the dogs because we have no gate and they wander off if they're left alone.

For the cats, no it's not a massive job but I do have to clean their dishes, chuck the food in, clean the litter tray, then round up the cats and shut them away. It only takes about 10 minutes but it's just yet another thing to do.

I need to sort our my dinner game. I was making cottage pie last night when the little one decided she wanted her favourite soup, and because she misses her dad so much I decided to make it for her, and ended up spending an age in the kitchen. Good news is though that there are plenty of leftovers for other meals!

@wearedonnnne sorry to hear it... is it like that every single week for you or do you get some respite?

The kids must be knackered. Mine are asleep by 7:30 and I wake them at 6:40 for school.

Pack your school and work bags and shower the night before and leave next days clothes out.
Make your evening meal as simple as possible and make enough for 2 or 3 meals, that means you just cook 2 or 3 times a week.
Why are your cats locked away, can you get a catflap for them?

I still don't understand your commute though? Why is your kids school so far away? Even breakfast club doesn't start until 7:45 at the earliest, so why are you taking an hour to get there? As for dinner, put them on school dinners so they have a hot meal in school, then a cold dinner of a sandwich, fruit etc is perfectly fine of an evening for ease. If you're home for 5:45 there is no reason why your kids shouldn't be in bed for 7:30pm

It’s tough being a single parent

Buy ready meals - including pre-made sandwiches or salads for packed lunch, get in a cleaning service

It’s only 3 weeks

Also don’t make it into a drama - of course you aren’t failing your kids because you’re a bit fraught for 2 weeks.

Don’t let the kids turn it into a drama either - they can FaceTime him. You don’t need to be making them soup because they miss him. It’s a very short period of time.

Oh, and when u say "make" breakfast, a bowl of cereal is acceptable on a morning