Useless at looking after my children on my own

[Grapeyexpectations]

Husband away on extended work trip. Children aged 4 and 7. Work full time. Only 4 days in of 3 weeks and I'm absolutely shattered.

Our days go like this:
5.40am get up, feed and take out dogs. Shower, pack school and work bags, make breakfast, get children up and dressed, have breakfast.
6.45am leave for school
8.00am work until 4.30pm, break of about 30 minutes at lunchtime
4.30pm pick up children, calm fraught nerves and tears (miss their dad)
5.45pm arrive home. Unpack bags, make dinner, feed and clean cats, have dinner with children, make packed lunches and organise clothes for morning, clean kitchen, take out dogs.
8pm bedtime routine and reading
9pm children bedtime. I fall asleep with them.

Why is this so hard? I'm already short tempered and feel like I'm failing my children.

Quick is a chicken breast pan fried broccoli snd boiled pots
Ir salmon filkets baked, sweet potatoes peas
20 mins max
Quick is not same as processed

And get help for drop offs or pick ups

I’m sorry to sound critical but I don’t think it’s ‘just about okay’.

My 4 year old sleeps anything from 11 to 12.5 hours a night depending on how tired she feels and how long the day has been. Under 10 just isn’t enough, and I really feel for her being woken at 5.45am every day. Sleep is a basic need like food, and not getting enough will affect her behaviour, well-being and education. Whatever is standing in the way of her attending a more local school needs to be changed.

They get up at 6.25-6.30. It's me who gets up at 5.45.

The younger one does get 10 hours a day after a fashion and that's the lower end of the recommended level. And I do appreciate you offering your advice but I don't think you can tell me how much my child needs to sleep based on how much your child sleeps.

9.5 hours based on the timeline you've posted and even 9.5 hours' sleep a night is unlikely to be enough for an average 4yo in full-time school plus wraparound. Being tired will not help with whinging/weepiness.

Okay I've just seen a whole page of messages that I didn't see before.

To clarify a few bits:
-My husband works from home a lot and gives the animals plenty of attention. As previously stated, I don't want to put the dogs in the kennels as they are my security alarm!
-I get up at 5.45. The children get up at 6.25
-it is 2.5 hours journey per day. In fact it's two one-hour car journeys and 2 15-minute walks

• my children go to the school I work at. It's the closest one to us

-my children are both vegetarian (not my choice) as we live surrounded by farms and they know where the animals go when they leave. When I said 'quicker food' I was thinking of the prepackaged vegetarian junk in supermarkets. I definitely take on board ideas for batch cooking and quick recipes though (thanks for those) and will be working on that this weekend -we can't get an agency cleaner and the one independent cleaner we found quit after a month as the distance made it unfeasible -my husband is not the primary carer. We are 50/50 and yes, my younger child is VERY upset about his absence

And finally, no I'm not planning on changing schools or changing jobs or anything like that. I feel it's a bit of an overreaction to husband being away for a few weeks. I can just imagine him getting home to news that his kids have changed school and his wife has quit her job on a whim!

Oh and yes I am going to try to get them in bed a bit earlier so thanks for that suggestion :)

The nearest one?! Where do you live, the Himalayas? I can’t think of anywhere I know that is over an hours drive from the nearest primary.

So you know all the places? Well done you

out of interest, where does the 15 min walk come into it? Do you have to park a 15 minute walk away from the school that you work at?

Oh and not over an hour's drive. ONE hour's drive. Why don't you pop by my imaginary primary school and I'll give you some comprehension lessons.

@MortyMort yes got it in one

I don't think you can be surprised that people are surprised, OP. That's a bloody long day for primary school kids.

Can you meal prep in the weekend? Buy some balance ready meals? Pay a dog walker for a couple of weeks? Can you ask at work if you can finish early and do a couple of hours when they are asleep? The 7 year old can dress themselves surely? Ask them to leave their school uniform ready the night before, and to empty the school bags after school. Good luck xx

@jibo it was 9.5 hours at night plus nap in car

Goodness I feel like I'm on trial here

I’m not being facetious I just can’t think of anywhere in the country that is an hours drive from the nearest primary. Possibly the Highlands and Islands but even then you’d have to be quite unluckily situated

Tbh op living that far from school will be having a massive impact on all of yours quality of life and you've got another 7 years of it. You could all be up later, you'd be home earlier so you'd have more quality time. I'd be on Rightmove already and setting up some viewings.

Or do you mean closest private school and your kids get a discount to go? Hence it being worth the drive?

And finally, no I'm not planning on changing schools or changing jobs or anything like that. I feel it's a bit of an overreaction to husband being away for a few weeks

But it's not just for a few weeks, it's for at least the next seven years if your children go to your school longer if it's a private school or something.

I certainly wouldn't be putting my kids through such a gruelling commute unless I had absolutely no other options. It sounds bloody miserable.

Can the children have school dinners? Would cut out the packed lunches and they could have packed lunch style meal in the evening? Or batch cook at the weekend and just reheat in the evening.

Get them to bed at 7.30 / 8.00. The main thing that strikes me is you have no leisure time in the evening. Whenever I have had days like that, I found it so hard mentally. Just an hour would make all the difference. One of ours used to struggle so much with bedtime, but however late it was, I'd always give myself an hour afterwards (or one episode of a TV programme).

Shorten the bedtime routine too if you can. I never insisted on a bath or shower every night - young kids don't get that smelly.

That sounds absolutely exhausting OP! I don't know what the answer is but on the 'missing daddy' front would making a countdown calendar help at all? With days to cross off?

Eh… some of these suggestions are ridiculous. Changing jobs… kenneling the dogs…etc for a short term situation.

I think you’re going to be fine, the kids will settle into your DH being gone, the dogs are getting enough, nobody will die if you make a few shortcut meals, and it will become easier.

Take the suggestions like laying out multiple days of clothes, pick your battles on what gets done, have leftovers for dinner a couple of nights, skip a bath night, etc.

@itsmyp4rty that's a nice idea, thanks. The younger one is a bit frustrated as she keeps getting confused about exactly how long he'll be away, so I think that might help :)

Eh… some of these suggestions are ridiculous. Changing jobs… kenneling the dogs…etc for a short term situation.

It's not all short-term, though. OP says the kids go to the school she teaches at, so they have that commute every single day even when their dad is home.

The dogs being kennelled was a suggestion to take a weight off her mind while she juggles everything else. I don't think it's so outrageous.

Cooked lunch at school, substantial car snacks and then a top up of toast, hummus, pitta, etc when home. Stop properly cooking unless you batch at the weekend.

Your drive is the killer to be honest. 2.5 hour commuting is too long for anyone on a regular basis, never mind when you are solo parenting.

You can't change your location overnight of course, but long term I'd be questioning moving closer to school.

We get home at 6pm two evenings a week and the kids are in bed by 7.30 (normal bedtime is 7pm). Sleep helps.