Detention for asking period question

[Hoiz]

A female relative of mine (year 5). Recently had a lesson on puberty, specifically periods.

After school my relative and a few friends were getting ready to go to an after school club, they were still discussing last lesson on puberty, when relative asked friend if her sister (goes to same school) had started her period. The friend took massive offence and cried. Relative apologised straight away.

A teacher was found and a detention has been issued.

My relative is a nice, sweet girl.

Aibu to think this was harsh?

1. are people getting that this is a lunchtime detention? Quite possibly it was used to talk to the niece about boundaries
2. did people note the posts from a couple of teachers where pupils are explicitly told not to talk about the PSHE subjects outside the class? If that speech was done here, then it is probably the reason for the punishment

read what @YoureALizardHarry11 wrote - if she didn't like the question (and that is her prerogative) THAT is the way she should have reacted to it. The little girl would then have stopped asking (and if she hadn't, then YES she would have been in the wrong), and that would have been that. You can't go snivelling off to the teacher to get someone else into trouble every time you fancy it.

One of those all age girls' independent schools.

It’s very odd to me that so many people here don’t understand shame vs. privacy, considering most of the posters here are mothers, and part of being a mother is teaching young children we do and don’t ask other people/say in public

Oh we're back to the "I'm a perfect mother and I have taught my children everything and they never ever put a foot wrong"

Meanwhile in the real world, kids don't always do what their parents tell them, and sometimes they make mistakes. The issue here is whether the sanction was over the top and I'd say the majority here think it was.

I remember someone saying to me I was obviously on my period when I was 14. I was muddy, we'd been doing PE. She was deliberately trying to embarrass me, that's a completely different issue - and we were 14, not 10. Not that I told the teacher because back then they wouldn't have done anything.

You can't go snivelling off to the teacher to get someone else into trouble every time you fancy it

Seems to be the way in schools now. Even ds's state comprehensive was a bit like Stasi-era East Germany at times.

did people note the posts from a couple of teachers where pupils are explicitly told not to talk about the PSHE subjects outside the class

That is stupid - how can you develop your ideas about something if you aren't allowed to discuss it? PHSE isn't just about sex and periods, it covers loads of topics like environmental issues for example.

I agree. There will be a lot more to this.

Doesn't sound like this is the full story. So you say there isn't any more to it. But I agree with appropriate boundaries. You don't ask personal questions especially not in front of other folk. Did this happen outside school. It all sounds a bit odd.

Sounds like a massive overreaction on all parts. Well done- not your dds tbf.

The girls could have said that's not her information to give and the teacher should have explained to the girl she had a right to protect her sisters privacy but your dd was just asking a question.

They've made out asking if someone has started their periods as punishable and therefore making them something shameful. This is the 21st century.

Ps I've not read full thread so not sure if updates just stating my opinion.

Shameful really. It shouldn’t be taboo at all and this was an ideal opportunity for a teacher to set the record straight for all included and have a chat. When I was younger we would all ask each other about periods and had we started ours yet. It was a natural curiosity and something we all knew would happen.
The girl who started crying though? I’d be more concerned from a safeguarding point of view as to whether she’s experienced trauma of some type given her response to a genuine and innocent question.

I think this is a ridiculous and pretty appalling response to a group of Year 6 children talking about such an important issue.

1. They haven't taken any notice of the fact that this was clearly a non malicious question, as explained by the 3rd child present

1. The opportunity to discuss appropriate boundaries regarding questions and curiosity about other people's bodies has been missed

1. The opportunity to discuss how to manage a situation where one feels offended or upset with the other child has been missed

1. An opportunity to model appropriate behaviours to resolve issues has been lost

1. Children are left with a potential fear and wariness about talking about and asking questions about an important aspect of growing up and their bodies

I think it is really poor practice

I don’t have time to read the whole thread but IMO it seems a shame to be penalise for ‘girl talk’, between girls of similar age on a relevant topic.

It’s sad that periods and women’s bodies are still being loaded with shame and a young girl is punished for being curious about something natural that will happen to her. The school has not responded well by penalising your relative. It might have been better to have had a kind chat with the girl and explain that some people are shy about talking about these things so she needs to be sensitive to that possibility in future.

Good point. I've never heard of a primary school that gives detentions.

It really wasn’t polite to ask such a question about somebody who wasn’t present. She’s just missing a break, and hopefully now she gets why it was inappropriate.
that you put it on a family WhatsApp group. Well that’s kind of yuck why and I think it explains the behaviour of your relative a bit

It's a break time detention. Even reception kids sometimes stay back if they need to tidy up / hit someone. Sometimes they go to the heads office. Has always been the case in English state primaries, when I was at school to now.

I have no idea why posters are confused by this? Maybe they don't call it detention. But it is the same thing, missing all or part of their play time as a negative punishment to ensure they avoid that behaviour in future.

Also periods are not a medical issue. They are not comparable to cancer. All women have them.

At secondary schools most have bags of sanitary stuff for free in every toilet. In the pshe office and all the year team offices are boxes and boxes more. Its not a secret to hide.

Sounds absolutely bizarre! Especially at an all girls' school, you'd expect them to be more open and feminist!!

But I suppose it would have been fine if she’d have asked if she was non binery. The worlds gone mad.

I think the school have completely over-reacted. This should have been a small conversation without sanctions.

You don't know what happened. Forty years ago a group of bully boys and girls in my school went around asking people if they farted and whether had they started their periods. They weaponised what they had learned into bullying. If your relative was sensitive enough to apologise immediately (doubt it), but the child still started crying and it came to teacher attention? Willing to bet your relative is not an innocent little angel, but someone stomping over someone else's personal boundaries.

Kick off with the school name and shame raise with the local MP and do not let her sit a detention!

That is the patriarchy at work right there!

Talking about Periods needs to be normalised!

Also I have not heard of Primary schools being able to issue detentions!

So Kick off and make your point to normalise reality!

Long live feminism!

And for all those saying detention is normal has always been done.

Corporal punishment was normal once upon a time too. Shall we go back to hitting children with canes because they do not have the ability to spell fast enough?!

and no other country uses pointless empty punishment in school as it has been proven to achieve the exact opposite! All it does is breed apathy and defiance.

As always on mumsnet, teachers can do no wrong! Although everyone finds the teacher’s reaction ridiculous instead of saying so, most presume there is more to the story. The parents should challenge this behaviour. She asked an innocuous question and both the other kid and the teacher overreacted. The punishment should be cancelled and the teacher should apologise to the relative. That’s how faith in humanity is restored!!

Wow IusedtoliveinSanFransisco do you really condone the teacher’s reaction? How is the question inappropriate? What’s so shaming about having a period?? What about normalising it? The kid was obviously still taking in the lesson and asked an intelligent question based upon the information just gathered… Making her feel bad about asking it is taking women back to the Middle Ages!!?