Detention for asking period question

[Hoiz]

A female relative of mine (year 5). Recently had a lesson on puberty, specifically periods.

After school my relative and a few friends were getting ready to go to an after school club, they were still discussing last lesson on puberty, when relative asked friend if her sister (goes to same school) had started her period. The friend took massive offence and cried. Relative apologised straight away.

A teacher was found and a detention has been issued.

My relative is a nice, sweet girl.

Aibu to think this was harsh?

It’s a slip the parent needs to sign. There is box where a description of what happened is noted. The girl’s mum shared it on a family WhatsApp group.

I usually support the school or at the very least tell dd that she must follow the rules even if she doesn’t agree with them etc. As a parent I’d be pushing back on this one. It was an innocent question.

Why can't mum just deal with it herself?

Obviously they are different.And as a nurse I believe girls MUST be given detailed information about periods at school. Not all parents can or will discuss periods with girls for various reasons.
BUT the detention is for asking rude personal questions about another’s girls sister. If the school doesn’t issue a detention and teach the girl some basic manners she will assume she can ask anyone personal medical questions.

Utterly ridiculous giving detention for such a question.

Perhaps not the politest question to ask but if every child in school was given detention for being impolite to their peers pretty much every child in the country would be in detention several times a week.

I went to an all girls' school many years ago, I'm 75 now, and among the various groups of friends, and even with some girls who weren't particularly close friends, we pretty much knew every girl who had started their periods in our class.

Nobody seems bothered about other girls knowing, in fact it seemed more like something of a rite of passage and certainly nothing to be embarrassed about.

I was curious if we were all in the wrong for thinking it was a bit heavy handed (consensus on WhatsApp group).

The girl apologised immediately. Think that counts for something.

This is literally her first encounter with the subject (think they drew a penis and vagina last yr), so the boundaries are unknown and need to be learned -ideally in a non punitive manner.

Ooh, this has given me a hint- are the school's initials SHS by any chance? And is it in Greater London?

Agree this is a ridiculous reason for a detention.

Way to go to teach them periods are something shameful!

I agree. What a ludicrous own goal by the school. Fuck sake…

No! Phew! I was starting to think how potentially outing the yr 6/senior school thing was.

Ridiculous reason for detention.

But detention at primary school is utterly ridiculous IMO.

I think you should take her out of that school and put her in a regular state primary school.

This school sounds weird ASF.

I wouldn't want my 9 yo drawing penises and vulvas in school.

This is ridiculous. Her mother should absolutely be challenging the school over this. They teach them about periods then shame them by punishment for asking an innocent question, as she was yet to learn about boundaries regarding puberty.

If I were the mother, I'd be refusing consent for the detention.

How dare they try to shame the girl for asking an innocent question about what they had just been taught. Shocking behaviour from the teacher.

I don't believe the story is exactly as you've said. It may be what you've been told but that doesn't mean it's exactly what happened. You weren't there

It’s very odd to me that so many people here don’t understand shame vs. privacy, considering most of the posters here are mothers, and part of being a mother is teaching young children we do and don’t ask other people/say in public.

relative asked friend if her sister (goes to same school) had started her period. The friend took massive offence and cried.
Hard to believe

Presumably this indicates school taught the subject initially really well, that periods etc are matter of fact straightforward every day life that are simple and unremarkable, in the way, say, people in France speak French or in Spain speak Spanish. The ten year old was engaged and listened and was interested she had presumably absorbed the age she was told periods start and and was simply curious as to whether the older girl had started hers yet. She had no received no indication presumably that people might find the topic to personal or taboo.
A detention is wholly inappropriate. The school have undone the excellent work the started and ate now spreading the message that there is something shameful about periods and they are something that should never be mentioned. This really needs to be brought up with school and the message they are conveying made clear. It is inappropriate , they need to make clear their stance as an organisation in the approach they have to personal issues such as periods and sexual health. Not having to discuss something is once thing, but asking a question out of simple innocent curiosity is entirely another. Neither should be a punishable offence. School need to make a sincere apology and fully explain their reasoning. As a parent I would be furious and be asking the head and govenors for an explanation as to why punishment was given instead of an explanation that some pepole just aren't happy to discuss personal and/ or body issues and it can be rude to ask. If you don't know, you just don't know.

This. What an over reaction from the other dc and school. Shocking in 2024 these type of reactions.

I hope the detention hasn't happened and will be fought. I have no problem with a warranted detention. This is not at all deserved.

Simple solution OP

ASK the teacher in question as I'm quiet certain there may be more to it than meets the eye

This is absolutely nuts! If I were the parents of the child who asked the question I would not be allowing her to go to the detention. I'd also be writing to the governors to explain what has happened, to express my concern and to request an explanation.

Normally I'd be in favour of supporting schools, but when they go bananas then parents do need to intervene.

@Hoiz “This is literally her first encounter with the subject (think they drew a penis and vagina last yr), so the boundaries are unknown and need to be learned -ideally in a non punitive manner.”

Then you should tell her parents that they’re failing. One of my girls started her periods in summer term of Y6. This is way too late for this to be her first encounter “with the subject” - they are letting her down.

@ExpressCheckout

The enthusiasm that inadequate and less intelligent teachers have in imposing arbitrary sanctions on children is a safeguarding concern, in my opinion.

Absolutely right! It's bizarre.

They use “staying in at playtime” for things like bad behaviour like violence or not finishing work because of messing around during lesson time.

How is it a VERY personal question when just about EVERY female within a certain age range spanning about 40 years has periods?

It really isn’t like gynaecological history which can vary significantly between women and could indeed be very personal.