Detention for asking period question

[Hoiz]

A female relative of mine (year 5). Recently had a lesson on puberty, specifically periods.

After school my relative and a few friends were getting ready to go to an after school club, they were still discussing last lesson on puberty, when relative asked friend if her sister (goes to same school) had started her period. The friend took massive offence and cried. Relative apologised straight away.

A teacher was found and a detention has been issued.

My relative is a nice, sweet girl.

Aibu to think this was harsh?

It’s a personal question that shouldn’t have been asked. The teacher should have gently asked coalined that the question should not have been asked and why.
job done . No punishment

So we're now at the point of general conversing being limited to stuff you already know about the person?

I would ask for clarification about what rule has been broken, and make them state clearly where the lines are with pupils talking to each other and asking questions.
Ridiculous.

Why would she ask if the sister had started her period? It's very nosy. If my dds had discussed each others periods with people outside our family I'd be very cross. They can talk about their own with who they like. One started late, the other very early, both were very sensitive about this. It's all very jolly to discuss it when yours starts when you're 12 or 13, not so great if you are 8 or 16 for example 🤨 I don't think she should get a detention, but I do think she should have been told (by a teacher if necessary) to mind her own business.

I never question a teacher’s authority but as a Christian myself, a woman and a mum, my daughter would nit be attending a detention aged 10 for asking a question related to periods. Periods are normal, all woman get them, unless there is something wrong with them.
My best friend is a vicar, used to be a nurse. She agrees there is zilch wrong with a period question and were this to happen in the school she regularly gives assemblies in, she would be raising it herself and defensing your girl. There is nothing in the Bible to say periods are filthy and if this other oh poor offended girl’s parents are telling her otherwise and shaming her, that should be dealt with.

There we go then. Sounds fair enough to me. The other child's response is irrelevant

as a Christian myself, a woman and a mum how about just as a human it's not on to be asking such personal questions about people's relatives.

Ideally, no woman or girl would feel upset by talking about this perfectly normal phenomena.
Society still tells us it's something to be ashamed of though so all that was needed was a little chat about social decorum.
My concern is for the upset girl. Talk of periods made her cry. Something isn't quite right there.

She made someone cry and was given a detention. These things happen. I have never known a detention that wasn’t ‘outrageously unfair’ according to the child and often the parent. A few of them are a bit unfair.

I mean, it is a personal question, and there are boundaries for things like that, so I do think there was absolutely some kind of conversation to be had about respecting other people’s privacy.

Whether a detention is overkill depends on how the school uses detentions really. When I was at school detentions were for really serious things like getting caught smoking in the toilets, but I also have 2 younger relatives currently in school and I know they give out “detentions” for much less now and often use the detentions to have conversations about a behaviour in which case I can sort of see IF that is the case why one might have been given here?

I also think that although as a woman in my twenties I totally agree periods are nothing to be ashamed of and I personally wouldn’t care at all if someone asked me about mine it really doesn’t bother me, I can see why a child of 10/11 may not feel the same, especially if they have strict conservative parents with whom it’s not typical chat.

Probably just felt torn loyalty between friend and sister.

I don't understand how it could possible cause offence asking a question about periods.

Her sister might have had her womb removed?

Also, it's not really on to be discussing other people's menstrual cycles

Talking about periods in general - fine
Talking about your own periods - fine
Asking other people about theirs without them volunteering it - not OK

Sounds fine that they got a detention for this, it will help them learn it's not acceptable to ask people such personal questions. It's like asking someone how many people they've slept with, their darkest sexual fantasies or how deep/wide/tight their vagina is - it's nobody else's business. Maybe they'll want to discuss it with a partner or doctor, but that's their call.

The kid is 10!!! And she is learning about something for the first time and discovering changes to her body that she was unaware of. She is growing up. She is not 'prying into another woman's intimacy'. She is trying to humanise a concept that she is only just discovering.
For heaven's sake I hope you don't have a daughter. Or a primary school age child at all for that matter if you can't help projecting adult concepts and ways of thinking onto them. They are KIDS.

So just say this to the girl. No need for a detention, which seems really OTT for the question.

This. The teacher could have dealt with this in an appropriate way, by saying 'if you have any questions/need more information, why don't you come and ask me/another female member of staff who will be only too happy to talk you through your questions'.

I agree. I think that the detention was ott as well.

Nonsense, many detentions are perfectly justified.

But this one isn't. And certainly not at primary school. Sounds like the teacher was embarrassed about it too.

No, it's about other people's privacy and boundaries. Can you not see that asking a girl for personal information about her sister that the girl's sister might not be happy to have shared in public is the issue?

They're children. Detention is a punishment for doing something wrong.
They are learning about boundaries. I wonder whether they covered this during their lesson on puberty?
If girls are not allowed to talk to their friends about periods then the school needs to make that very, very clear.

In SRE lessons, we teach them not to ask questions that are exposing, nor to divulge information that is personal to others. A detention, however, seems a bit harsh but there might be more context to it.

No, it's about other people's privacy and boundaries. Can you not see that asking a girl for personal information about her sister that the girl's sister might not be happy to have shared in public is the issue

So why can't a teacher simply say we don't ask questions about personal things like that/peoples' private health issues and move on. A detention is not warranted, and especially not for a 10 year old.

Also "can you not see" is really patronising. It's not self-evident, it's your opinion.

Indeed. And if you look at my original response, that's what I said I would do as the teacher.

Maybe it's a pattern and she keeps not respecting boundaries