Detention for asking period question

[Hoiz]

A female relative of mine (year 5). Recently had a lesson on puberty, specifically periods.

After school my relative and a few friends were getting ready to go to an after school club, they were still discussing last lesson on puberty, when relative asked friend if her sister (goes to same school) had started her period. The friend took massive offence and cried. Relative apologised straight away.

A teacher was found and a detention has been issued.

My relative is a nice, sweet girl.

Aibu to think this was harsh?

A clear indication that the bible was written by men.

Going off what we've been told about the situation, a conversation about respecting privacy and not asking personal questions would have been appropriate. Detention for a slightly intrusive one-off question is excessive, assuming the one asking questions wasn't hounding the other child.

When we teach RSE we tell the children under no circumstances are they to continue the discussion outside the classroom. This is to prevent tiny ears hearing things they shouldn’t be. Parents would not be pleased if their 5 yo went home with a half understood story about sex or periods that older children had been discussing in after school club!

I don't think an after school club is the right place to be asking these questions especially when younger children will be around, also knowing the child is from a strict Christian background it could be that they were taking the piss to get a reaction, that just will not be the story.

Well.. they didn't teach me that at Sunday school!

We ask our Year 5s and 6s not to discuss the content of the SE lessons between themselves outside of the classroom. Partly so they avoid overstepping boundaries with each other and also so they aren’t overheard by younger children around school.
Genuine questions are welcomed, within the safe space of that classroom, children encouraged to ask parents for further information or clarification if they wish (parents know the content of the lessons beforehand and when they are taking place). Asking each other about periods/wet dreams etc is specifically mentioned as not being appropriate.
Do you think that sort of caveat might have been covered in the lesson and the child in question deliberately ignored it? We would sanction for a similar incident tbh. Yes, 10 and 11 yr olds should know what constitutes a personal or intrusive question but just in case they don’t we make it very clear that it’s not acceptable in this specific instance.

I'm so confused by the wording of the OP, sorry. Are you saying an adult asked a girl in year 5 if she had started her period??

Edit: I just re-read it. A girl in year 5 asked another girl in year 5 if her sister started her period. The girl cried.

They are kids!! Yes, detention is so wrong!! Just friggin talk to girls. Now these dumb teachers are throwing moral and ethics cards around to feel superior. JUST FRIGGIN TALK TO THE GIRLS!!

This is a bit naive. These kids will clearly be talking about it after the school lesson.

Girls talking about periods amongst themselves is completely normal. Offended friend sounds like a difficult character.

Something doesn’t add up here. State schools
in the UK do not, as a rule, use detentions.

No, the detention slip, the "write up" seen by the OP...as I said upthread it's very odd.

Ditto, just as I thought

Utterly ridiculous. We are meant to be breaking down the stigma of periods rather than reinforcing a taboo subject. No one should feel that they have to share but equally should not feel that it is dirty or embarrassing for others to speak up.

Schools and parents should be encouraging children to ask questions about their bodies but also reinforce that is ok not share personal information if they do not want to. There is no need to be embarrassed or upset but it is perfectly acceptable to say I would rather not discuss it.

If it was the only occasion, unreasonable. If after being told not to ask such personal questions about another family member again, then reasonable.

Be a bit weird to challenge the detention of a 'female relative' that isn't her child.

I agree with others that someone needs to have a word with her about asking inappropriate questions about other people. I'm all for people not being ashamed but I also think that it's a personal and intimate bodily function.

I feel much the same about women who insist on quizzing other women about why they don't use a Mooncup or something, and then expect you to feel totally comfortable chatting about you will or won't shove up your vag. It's intrusive and weird.

YABVVU
Ok girls need to understand that periods are natural and nothing to be ashamed of. But for gods sake, this girl was asking VERY personal questions about her sister. I’m glad the school gave her a detention to teach her some respect for others and manners.
Do you expect all adult females to answer personal questions about their gynaecological history to anyone who asks ?

No. So why expect a child to answer such questions about her sister.

I’m too late to edit so I should clarify - I mean state primary and middle schools. Secondary schools do use detentions in various forms.

So periods are offensive now? For girls who need the info and discussion Bit shocking if it is true.

Can you imagine a situation where you would be prevented from leaving work for an hour because you initiated a conversation about periods?

Really?

The enthusiasm that inadequate and less intelligent teachers have in imposing arbitrary sanctions on children is a safeguarding concern, in my opinion.

A girl's school giving a detention for having the temerity to ask about periods? In a time when we are STILL trying to get past all the stigma involved with the most basic & universal of female things?

Not only wouldn't she be doing to the detention, I would be taking it up with the school in a major way. It's toxic af.

I'd also be concerned for the wellbeing of the girl who burst into tears, that's not remotely healthy.

The usual Mumsnet confusion around shame vs privacy. (Some of you really need to understand the difference.)

Periods are nothing to be ashamed of. But someone's personal experience of their own periods is a private subject, to be discussed only on their terms. The girl needed to learn that asking such intrusive questions – especially about someone else not present – is inappropriate.

Detention is a bit much but I'm not surprised the other girl reacted badly. I'm sure there's more to this. It may well be that the girl is known to be socially clumsy, and her peers will be rather brutal about it (as kids are).

The OP said that the girl given the detention was asking another girl if her sister had started her periods.
The girl given the detention needs to understand that asking private medical questions is rude and unacceptable. The school are teaching her basic manners by giving her a detention. Imagine if the same girl asked a relative with cancer, when are you going to die ? Or asked a male relative about his testes or ED.

It is a private school. Detention involves not going out for the “big break”.

So where did you see this "write up" that you referred to? I don't understand the system.

Periods are not a medical thing & they certainly do not sit alongside fucking cancer!