Detention for asking period question

[Hoiz]

A female relative of mine (year 5). Recently had a lesson on puberty, specifically periods.

After school my relative and a few friends were getting ready to go to an after school club, they were still discussing last lesson on puberty, when relative asked friend if her sister (goes to same school) had started her period. The friend took massive offence and cried. Relative apologised straight away.

A teacher was found and a detention has been issued.

My relative is a nice, sweet girl.

Aibu to think this was harsh?

It sounds a very strange school and unlike the primary schools I know.
I don't think detentions are common in primary school my GCs school certainly don't use them Usually primary schools are much more understanding and would talk to the children rather than immediately hand out punishments

They are also 10! They should know it's not on to ask questions like that.

Oh honestly 🙄. A child enquiring about someone’s sister’s period and not knowing that’s a weird question is nothing like your examples. She didn’t ask anything like how deep her sister’s vagina is (which would still not really be a reason to cry)

This.

My concern would be for the upset girl. What is it about her or her sister starting their periods that is such a frightening prospect that it made her cry? Unfortunately, I can think of several reasons.

As for the 'female relative', perhaps her parents need to consider whether they have chosen the right school for her.

I went to a private Christian girls school (albeit 15+ years ago) and you’d think these topics would be out in the open but they were very hushed up, mainly only taught as part of biology lesson and I reckon there was a lot more period shame than there would’ve been at a different school. Private schools for girls are generally pretty uptight about everything.

Detention for this just seems nonsensical unless they have a blanket policy that upsetting or causing another pupil to cry gets you a detention. A simple explanation of why it was a prying question would be enough. Children need to have things explained to them, they can’t always be expected to just automatically understand social situations

I would be complaining to the HT and the Chair of Governors in time if this isn't rescinded and is as described.

I very much doubt this is the whole story. Periods are openly discussed with the kids from Year 5 (if not earlier) in lessons (my kids go to a religious primary - not religious ourselves).

The only way I can imagine she would be given detention was if she was really pushing the girl to say, but detention seems harsh even if she was doing that.

Our primary school doesn’t give traditional detention’s but you do have to miss breaks for not doing homework. If the girl had said something concerning/inappropriate, it is more than likely the parents would have been contacted about it.

A detention is harsh, but some posters are saying 'It shouldn't be viewed as shameful or not ok to ask a question about periods' as though asking a personal question like this about a child's family member is somehow the same as asking the teacher a question about it in the lesson. It's not the same thing at all.

The teacher should have taken the child aside and said that there's nothing shameful about periods, but that not everyone is comfortable with being asked question about intimate bodily matters.

And also highly unlikely a Primary would give a detention (if that happens anywhere) without discussing the full facts with the parents. You can’t really rely on a Primary school aged child going home to Mum and Dad and telling them the full and honest account of why they got one.

May be a bit harsh - but some schools are.

However context is everything. Accounts of being in trouble sometimes have a slant.

I used to teach sex education to Y7, 8 and 9 on PSHE days when we were off timetable.

The preface to the day was that this may be sensitive so no personal comments or questions.

I always said I’d answer anything coming out from the main event/presentation anonymously afterwards. And did.

If I’d heard that one pupil had been asking another personal questions afterwards I wouldn’t have been a happy teacher.

It’s ok to call her your niece.

I probably would have done when I first started mine as I hated it. But doesn't mean she was wrong to say it and she can't help the girls reaction. Way OTT to get a detention

Oh wow I read it wrong and thought the girl was being asked about her own period. That's a bit mad then but so guess a 9 year old can't help her reaction. The teacher is even more ridiculous tho

This

If the school regards it as taboo to talk about periods, are they explaining that in the lessons? If not, how are the children supposed to know?

(It shouldn't be taboo. I'm very glad that in my daughter's school, they were able to talk about periods with their friends. On one occasion, they warned one of their male friends to be nice to them as they were all on their periods that day! However it's probably still worth the school explaining that some people, especially older generations, are not comfortable talking about periods, and that it's best to avoid direct personal questions just in case.)

There is nothing in the Bible to say periods are filthy 🤔

Leviticus 15:19 When a woman has a discharge, and the discharge in her body is blood, she shall be in her menstrual impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening.

Leviticus 15:20 And everything on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean. Everything also on which she sits shall be unclean.

Leviticus 20:18 If a man lies with a woman during her menstrual period and uncovers her nakedness, he has made naked her fountain, and she has uncovered the fountain of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from among their people.

Leviticus 15:28-30 But if she is cleansed of her discharge, she shall count for herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean. And on the eighth day she shall take two turtledoves or two pigeons and bring them to the priest, to the entrance of the tent of meeting.

Ezekiel 36:17 When the house of Israel lived in their own land, they defiled it by their ways and their deeds. Their ways before me were like the uncleanness of a woman in her menstrual impurity.

• There's a lot more, as you should know. It all boils down to re-statements of Leviticus, who makes it very clear that a menstruating woman is so revolting for seven days that nobody can touch her or anything she sits/lies on. Then she stays unclean for another seven days, after which she has to go for a special bath and make sacrifices (orthodox Jewish women still do this!)

(Biblical thread diversion over.)

On the face of it the detention seems OTT, but I have a suspicion that there could well be more to this story. This is not derailing the thread

A lot could depend on context and also the manner in which the question was asked, how persistent and pushy she was being, whether she has form for being personal and inappropriate in school. I'm not saying that is definitely the case, but we just can't know.

There could well be some missing detail here that throws a whole new light on things.

@Topseyt123, OP's already clarified - several times - that the school said there were no aggravating factors, and another girl who was with them has told school the question was innocent.

The bible is vitriolic about the uncleanliness of menstruating women 🤣🤣🤣

I know she has and I read all of her posts before I responded. I still find it hard to believe and don't just take the few lines I read on the internet as gospel.

A detention for this would be highly unusual in a state primary school. It sounds like the girl attends a private all-girls school, which might give out detentions more readily. I disagree with their action but there's not much you can do about it.

I don’t think detention was the right answer, but I also wouldn’t characterize this as “being punished for being curious about periods.” She asked a very personal question about someone who wasn’t even there, which sounds intrusive and potentially gossipy. It’s like asking what size bra the sister wears, or what type of underwear. Periods, bra size and underwear aren’t topics girls should be “ashamed of,” but you don’t ask someone to give you that information about another person, without the other person’s knowledge.

It's like asking someone how many people they've slept with, their darkest sexual fantasies or how deep/wide/tight their vagina is

Yes, a young girl having just had a lesson about periods who wonders if the sister of one of her classmates might be experiencing this is exactly the same as all of those.

The detention sounds a bit harsh. However, this is a sensitive question particularly if you start early or late. Periods are nothing to be embarrassed but children are allowed to feel embarrassed about periods and changes in their body.

Well, it's obviously not a state primary school, so who knows what their rules are. However, it's really very odd.
Where did you see the "write up"?.