Detention for asking period question

[Hoiz]

A female relative of mine (year 5). Recently had a lesson on puberty, specifically periods.

After school my relative and a few friends were getting ready to go to an after school club, they were still discussing last lesson on puberty, when relative asked friend if her sister (goes to same school) had started her period. The friend took massive offence and cried. Relative apologised straight away.

A teacher was found and a detention has been issued.

My relative is a nice, sweet girl.

Aibu to think this was harsh?

Periods are nothing to be ashamed of. But someone's personal experience of their own periods is a private subject, to be discussed only on their terms. The girl needed to learn that asking such intrusive questions – especially about someone else not present – is inappropriate.

It’s not really intrusive. She didn’t ask for any detailed information of the sisters experience of periods, simply if she’d started or not.

Except periods are not a medical matter. They can be, but mostly they are not as they happen to all healthy females between certain ages. It is not remotely like asking a relative about cancer.

Sure, but they don’t call this ‘detention’ or send home a written slip. I see OP has clarified that it is an independent school.

Your poor relative, this is so not okay Op. Sorry for the assumptions being made on here I've read the thread and it's very clear what you've said has happened. Please complain to the school - how was the teacher to know that your relative hadn't indeed started her period herself at that age and was trying to confide in another student in a clumsy way because of her age? Absolutely appaling, the teacher needs to explain their reasoning ASAP.

What exactly is the lesson to be learnt from this detention? That no one should ask a personal question through fear of offending? Is that really what girls schools are teaching nowadays? Bonkers.

I’m not saying at all your relative is lying but teachers don’t hand out detentions for nothing and is a bit odd the other child was so upset. Perhaps there’s a bit more to it - had the girls been specifically told not to ask each other personal questions so girls who had / hadn’t started their period didn’t feel embarrassed when asked, perhaps it was her tone or what might have been said between them e earlier in the day and this was the last straw for the teacher. I teach year 5 and the sweetest, loveliest girls can have friendship fallouts with friends and in the heat of the moment say something daft. Their version of events often don’t quite tally with what really happened, small details left out or added in. It’s all part of growing up and navigating friendships.

how old is year 5? stop saying relative as it makes it like it's an adult.

teacher was right. does your relative watch eastenders/coronation street where they are all screaming and shouting at each others, or gossiping about friends? 'relative' must LEARN to not discuss people who are not present.

@Mumof2teens79 Unusual maybe, but not unheard of. I've worked in a school, one family had 5children. 1 in Yr 6, 1 in Yr 5 one in Yr 3 one in Yr 1 and a baby. 10 months between the first 2. 11 months between the second and third.....

From the description, it sounds as though it may be the junior department of an all-age private school. I may be wrong on this; but, if this is indeed the case, it's less surprising that they might have detentions.

How this wasn’t simply resolved by a gentle conversation between teacher and pupil along the lines of “periods are private” is beyond me. Surely if they are teaching about periods, they are teaching that (as with all aspects of puberty) some children may feel shy about it. So ask a teacher or your parents if you have questions but don’t make personal comments.
Detention? Fuck no! What kind of weird school is this?
#theremustbemoretoit

Sounds like a Plymouth brethren school, conservative Christians, combined school, private minibuses etc

Now that I've RTFT, this (private school) does seem to be the case

Your relative may have been a little tactless, but in a completely innocent way. A detention seems way OTT.

If so, that would make this whole thread make a bit more sense….

Exactly.

Dear Mrs/Miss XXX
I understand that my daughter XXX has got herself into a spot of bother by asking curious questions about puberty/female development to another member of the class. I shall be speaking to her and making sure that if she has any doubts or needs anything clarifying, that she speaks to myself, an female family member or friend or one of her teachers so as not to generate any playground gossip or twisted versions of reality.
I understand that she has apologised to the girl in question, and assures me that she will not be asking any more questions. I therefore consider the matter closed. XXX will not be attending detention on Friday afternoon. We have a prior engagement that evening.
Very best wishes

XXXX's mother.

Awkward 😝

Think we're going to just pretend that didn't happen 🤣

It's not an after school detention.
It's break time.
Plus, remember that this is not a regular state primary school. It's an independent girls' school, so different rules apply.

I think you’ve nailed it. If you’re right, the parents are just as much at fault as the school, if they’ve chosen to send your daughter somewhere that treats women like that.

Oh, come on, that’s way over kill. Crying? Ridiculous. I know it’s technically a ‘’personal question’’ but 1. It wasn’t about the girl so it’s even odder that she cried, and 2. It was totally innocuous, really. If someone asked me at that age I would have honestly thought nothing of it. Yes/No/Not sure. In any case, there was absolutely no need for a detention. A simple, ‘’Excuse me, we don’t need to ask personal questions about other people, please’’ End of story. Some people are utterly ridiculous.

If you are right then this is a highly relevant bit of context.

@YoureALizardHarry11 can you imagine when the poor little snowflake starts having periods herself? She won’t cope!

Really poorly handled by school. This girl will have a hang up now about certain conversations because she has been shamed for her naivety in this situation. Instead as pp has said teacher could have explained that not everyone wants to share things like that and that everyone is different. What a shame.

Please don’t call a 10 year old a poor snowflake for getting upset by an unexpected personal question. It makes you sound nasty.

Separately, it is possible her sister does not get periods because of an eating disorder, or that the girl’s parents do take a biblical view of periods and the upset child finds the question hard for that reason.

Then I would refuse to do the detention saying asking questions about periods should be the norm. Apologise for the timing and the person has the right to say no. But asking who has started is normal. Check direct with the school that an innocuous question was all it was and there was nothing else

Def ott

I'd be more interested, as the teacher, in the other child's tears. What have they learnt at home that's made the .ere qn induce tears?

The whole "she shouldn't have asked about the sister" is this really where we are? Discussion on periods, you'll probably start in a year or so. Oh bestie has your year older sister had her yet. Omg how DARE you, you shall be PUNISHED!!

What's next?
So had your sister really got a bf? Right, a month's detention.
Did you sister have a nice birthday? Detention!!
Does your sister want to come bowling with us? How dare you ask one person what another person might think or want to do, you're expelled!!