Detention for asking period question

[Hoiz]

A female relative of mine (year 5). Recently had a lesson on puberty, specifically periods.

After school my relative and a few friends were getting ready to go to an after school club, they were still discussing last lesson on puberty, when relative asked friend if her sister (goes to same school) had started her period. The friend took massive offence and cried. Relative apologised straight away.

A teacher was found and a detention has been issued.

My relative is a nice, sweet girl.

Aibu to think this was harsh?

If there really isn’t anything more to it than asking a question, then the parents of the “female relative” need to ask school what exactly it is she has done wrong so that they can address it with her. If school give the exact reason you have said with no further info then they can say “She’s been given a detention for asking a question?” Ask them to explain what it is she apparently did wrong.

The offended girl, the teacher and my relative have made no mention of nasty behaviour or bullying.

The third child who was present even mentioned it was a case of my relative not knowing it would cause upset (detail included in note).

The question itself has been deemed inappropriate.

Please just accept that.

It's a simple question. About a sister, who is presumably older. Of a friend, not of some random kid in the playground.

And everyone knows 9 and 10 year olds are unfailingly polite.

The whole thing is out of order because this what government banged all about, that bringing the changes in sex ed , is to make kids more aware, more self-preserved against the various dangers but now, they are punished about content they were just told in class - that is odd

Are you in the UK?
Is the girls sister older? It's just it would be unusual for a Y5 to have an older sister in the same school? And I have never seen a teacher "write up" such an innocuous incident for detention.
I also suspect there is more to this.

It was an inappropriate question, though - she was asking one girl for personal information about her sister. As the teacher, I probably would have had a private talk with the girl about asking one person for private information about another.

It is prying.
Not sure why the friend would be upset unless they have been taught period are shameful or their was teasing, but it's rude and inappropriate to ask about someone else's intimate physical health.

Yes the sister is older.

Technically my relative is in the junior school but yr 6 are based on the premises of the senior school (relative’s mum suspects this is to put off parents moving pupils to a different senior school when they are settled)

Both junior and senior are all girls

I wonder is it because the question was about the offended girl's sister and the school felt that it was inappropriate to ask personal information about someone who was not there to consent that their personal information be shared or not.

People are suspecting more because the story is strange.

Girls discuss whether or not they have got their period- normal

If I was relative’s mum I would be furious with the school for punishing my child if they really only asked that question. It’s like “Have you had Covid?” answers can be yes/no/myob.

Surely that would have been the most inappropriate place to ask that particular question! Yes, it's personal but would it normally merit tears. School friends ask each other about personal things all the time, anyway. The girl asked could have just said, yes, no, don't know, or don't be so personal!

They are all very sheltered. Children go home on coaches/picked up by parents.

I agree. Girls might be happy for a best friend to know but may not want the teacher and other classmates to know.

The school can feel it's an inappropriate question or bad manners if they like. It's totally unreasonable to expect an 11-year-old to know that. They'd just been in a lesson about periods, it's natural to ask about first-hand experiences. Not deserving of a demerit/detention at all!

Most primary school kids are picked up by parents in the UK.

I assumed sheltered meant the parents didn’t discuss topics like periods and sex education so even saying the word period was difficult.

Ffs. It was a private conversation between ten year olds about a topic taught in the lesson.

The detention should not have been given and teaching the children that they can’t discuss periods is unhealthy period shaming.

Are you going to challenge the detention?

Age 10 is old enough to be TAUGHT things like this. I don't think periods should be taboo anyway and my DD has always been open about it all. However she needed go be taught that not everyone is comfortable to talk about it. This was a perfect teaching moment and giving a detention for it makes it seem like she should be ashamed about her periods which is ridiculous

I don’t have kids yet. I’m in the UK but when I picked up this child and her sibling it struck me odd that the entire school basically files into privately hired coaches. Including the seniors.

Not overly rural.

How do they learn appropriate boundaries then? She now knows one of them - don't ask for personal information about other people.

So, in class they have a good factual lesson about periods which 99.99% of them will go on to have. But then, what you have been taught is so personal, so taboo that you must never ask any of your friends any questions about them ever?

Sounds like a private school of some.descrption
All girls, Christian, junior and senior together
The coach transport is normal for private school and isn't what makes them sheltered

🙄

She wouldn’t be doing the detention if it was my kid. How utterly ridiculous. The other girl needs to be told to stop being so silly and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Silly girl.