…or is my childminder?

[Childminderwoes]

DS is 10 months and started with a childminder 6 weeks ago. 2 days a week so I can get various things done before my maternity leave ends in March, and full time hours when I go back.

He has a drop off/pick up time as you would expect but she’s very very very rigid about this. And will message to complain if you’re not there at the exact minute because she has other drops offs 5 minutes either side of his slot. To the extent where she’s messaged to complain about him being dropped off 2 or 3 minutes before or after his set time.

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off, so she can come outside to collect him, and is very firm about this, and will again text if I forget to remind me for next time.

She wants him to be in the buggy at every drop off to minimise his distress at being ‘handed over’ which I understood for the first few weeks but it’s become a real pain getting the buggy out of the car, setting it up and strapping him in just to wheel him down her driveway.

She’s really lovely but after 5 weeks all of it is getting a bit much. I thought by now I would be able to just hand him over, as you would expect mornings are a bit mad as I also have a 4 year old to get to school. All these extra caveats are starting to grate on me a little.

To add to this I’m not too sure about his meals. He has lunch at hers, but never what I would call a proper lunch - the diary entry says things like bread sticks, toast, pouches, fruit. I suppose I expected he would have something a bit healthier and hot.

Is this normal for a childminder?

No not normal for a childminder at all. Ive used a childminder for 7 years and I was never given an exact time to drop off or pick up. I dropped off at 8.15 but if i was 5 or 10 minutes late either way nothing was ever said..different if you pick up late. Say she closes at 5.30 and you rock up at 5.45.

Doesn’t sound normal to me.
Fair enough making sure people are on time for drop off, but expecting people to text 2 mins before drop off every day is extreme and the buggy thing sounds silly too.

I also wouldn’t be happy with that food situation. That’s not an actual lunch it is, it’s snacks.

with childminders I think you have to follow your gut. You’re not happy with her and I think it’s good to listen to that.

I'd swap childminders

No not normal!!!
May childminder I need to drop off between 8/8.30 as she does the school run. If running late I can meet her at school or at her house at 9am. We try and be consistent as it is better for the kids but not a five min slot!!! Also I have always handed them over - it’s nice they start the day with a cuddle. Her set up sounds very rigid and inflexible which seems the opposite of why you would choose a childminder!

I think wanting you to be on time is perfectly reasonable. If she's had to remind you more than once to be on time I can understand her frustration.

When you're back at work and he's there full time: 3 minutes per day is 15 minutes per week - an hour extra a month - 12 hours per year - that's her time you are stealing from her and expecting her to work for free.

The buggy thing is odd though.

Also for food they do have have a lot of lu lunchbox type good but usually because they are usually out and about in adventures (play centres, zoo etc) so aren’t at home. But they always have a home cooked tea, pasta, sausage and mash, chicken and veg etc.

I’m happy to change it to a slot - ie, 8-8.30 with absolutely no drop offs before 8am on the dot - because that then means if I overshoot it doesn’t matter as much. And pay from 8am. But trying to get somewhere every day for a precise minute when there’s variable traffic etc is really stressful.

Not normal re the drop offs, at all.

The food thing is tricky. What did she say she offered before you started? Where i live most childminders offer a cooked meal at 4.30/5 or so when all their after school kids are there (the local school dinners are awful so most children have a packed lunch. At lunch its sandwiches/fruit/yoghurt/salad. At 10 months lots of babies will eat finger foods like peanut butter toast, veg sticks, yoghurt pouches at that sort of meal and it can be fine.

Generally though my experience is that food at childminders can be worse than what is sometimes offered in a large nursery where the scale means a dedicated cook is available and bigger facilities. I always chose a childminder knowing i gave a healthy breakfast and cooked meal at home at 5.30.

This isn't normal. Find a new childminder

Nb I'd agree though its normal to need people to be on time before a school run.

Ridiculous- I couldn’t handle that long term

If she has a drop off 5 minutes after him and wants him strapped in his buggy I would assume he stays in the buggy until after that drop off.

Wow that’s unusual and would be impossible for me to do. I do a drop off to a school nursery first. Our minder is incredible; she’s had my eldest 6mths - 3.5 years, now has my 2 year old and will have my baba at 7 months later this year (when I return to work).

We drop them with a packed lunch, typically anytime between 8:30-9am and collect c.6pm. But for example; today I’ll collect at 4pm to suit an activity (won’t change pay). We’ve been able to swap days (with notice), pay for extra days (for example for me to travel for work).

Mine walk run or scoot in, depending on the day/weather/how we traveled that am - and there’s always been space made on the doorstep or just outside the playroom if any were unsettled to do hugs and handover and say goodbye.

I should say: my minder no longer has a primary school run herself. She did last year and we knew drop off was before 8:40 or after 9:10! (We could drop from 8:15 am, only mattered a few times per year when we were running late).

Hi
i am a childminder and work with another at the home.
we don’t offer meals at all and the parents provide the daily meals due to allergies/children preferring something familiar ect and because between us we have many children eating at once so its often a cold packed lunch or something for us to re heat ect ( we obviously hold full food hygiene certificates) that’s sent in from home.
Drop offs/pick ups can be a nightmare. Unfortunately we are not given the same respect as say a nursery setting and often have children collected an hour or more after their time, dropped off early without prior agreements or turn up when we are not infact open for whatever reason so I can understand the strictness on her part about that as it really does impact the day/our arrangements and the routine for others. Pushchair thing is definitely unusual….. never heard of that before .
All settings are different

If it is that you are late collecting I can understand the frustration from childminder and nurseries etc would charge for lateness even a few minutes. If it is dropping off within reason I don't see the issue of a few minutes later unless it is that she needs to get going for school run or anything. Dropping off earlier yes I would be saying you need to officially make sure she is okay with this otherwise is working extra for nothing and you should be paying accordingly. Buggy thing seems very strange / unnecessary. Food wise I would expect a better diet then what has been provided. I would be erring on the side of moving childminder tbh sounds not great!

I thought childcare settings like the children awake, and out of carseat or pushchair as a safeguarding thing (accountability... they can check the child is uninjured and well).

Is she still worried about disease transmission and doesn't want to get too close to parents, or the patents to each other?

That’s nothing like my experience with my childminder. Drop offs and pick ups were in a 10-minute window, and lunches were almost always hot (she charged £3 a day for food, which I think is reasonable). I’m on mat leave now but planning to put the children back with her 2 days a week when I return to work. I’d definitely switch providers, the text requirement and pram drop off request are both super weird and stressful.

The set times seems very rigid but I can see the logic if she needs to do school drop offs etc. However, the buggy seems odd. Could the meals be what he eats rather than what he is offered?

Ultimately if you aren’t happy with the way she works, you need to find someone else or accept it.

We use a nursery, so not the same but they are quite rigid on time. I mean, if you're late you're late that's fine but they don't let you in till start time.

I wouldn't be impressed about texting 2 mins before, how is that supposed to work, you stop your car two mins away, text her and carry on your journey? That's just stupid.

Likewise the pushchair thing seems stupid and unnecessary, what a faff.

I would expect better food too, from day 1 at nursery, DD had two course hot lunch, a proper meal.

I wonder how long they're being left in the buggies. It's certainly easier for her to have them all strapped in and immobile.

I would wonder whether the texting thing (and pushchair) is that she does not want you to come into her house, as does she come out and wait for you? That is a bit odd - and would make me wonder if there is something she doesn’t want me to see, about her set-up. I used two different childminders over the years, and it was never like this. And was typically hot food at lunchtime as well.

It sounds bizarre, I mean at nursery you can’t drop off early but never scolded for being two minutes late, as you say traffic can vary!

I’d be concerned as to why she needs them strapped in a buggy to go into her house, is she keeping him strapped in? And no, the lunch sounds to be like snacks of convenience and not an actual “meal”. If she’s saying she’s providing lunch then I’d be expecting more than that. My friend’s childminder still provides a “menu” so parents can see the food plan much like my nursery did.

I’d be browsing for a new childminder, I’ve never heard of one that you don’t enter the setting each day even only at the door.

Not to the minute

That's insane.

An agreed start time, and a time that they must be there for is fine. Then OP can drop anywhere between those 2 times.

But OP is being told she must arrive at a specific time, to the minute - no earlier or later. Crazy.

Is she still worried about disease transmission and doesn't want to get too close to parents, or the patents to each other?

Are you posting from 2020?