…or is my childminder?

[Childminderwoes]

DS is 10 months and started with a childminder 6 weeks ago. 2 days a week so I can get various things done before my maternity leave ends in March, and full time hours when I go back.

He has a drop off/pick up time as you would expect but she’s very very very rigid about this. And will message to complain if you’re not there at the exact minute because she has other drops offs 5 minutes either side of his slot. To the extent where she’s messaged to complain about him being dropped off 2 or 3 minutes before or after his set time.

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off, so she can come outside to collect him, and is very firm about this, and will again text if I forget to remind me for next time.

She wants him to be in the buggy at every drop off to minimise his distress at being ‘handed over’ which I understood for the first few weeks but it’s become a real pain getting the buggy out of the car, setting it up and strapping him in just to wheel him down her driveway.

She’s really lovely but after 5 weeks all of it is getting a bit much. I thought by now I would be able to just hand him over, as you would expect mornings are a bit mad as I also have a 4 year old to get to school. All these extra caveats are starting to grate on me a little.

To add to this I’m not too sure about his meals. He has lunch at hers, but never what I would call a proper lunch - the diary entry says things like bread sticks, toast, pouches, fruit. I suppose I expected he would have something a bit healthier and hot.

Is this normal for a childminder?

Nah she's nuts

I wouldn't be interested in continuing with her. Ridiculous.

No I wouldn't be happy with this at all..of course you would never want to be dropping off before she started or picking up after she finished but otherwise there should be some flexibility. She's obviously on a school run and wants your child not to disrupt her routine in any way. She should be engaging with your 10 month old not wanting them strapped in buggy..if its hard to accommodate you then she should just say so now as a full time place I would want my dc to be really happy there..

I'd be worried if she is waiting outside the house for each drop off then the other children are inside unattended (unless that is why she wants them in a buggy so she can just keep them in the buggy? Which I wouldn't be happy with)

Meals - did she provide an example menu? what sort of things were on that?

Traffic can be so variable - I drop the kids to school, its 2 mile and some days we get there in 7 minutes and others can be 30min! I agree being early or later than your paid time is not on but I think a longer time slot would be acceptable as long as it doesnt interfere with school runs that she has to do.

I’ve been using a childminder for nearly 3 years for my two children now and a huge part of the appeal to me is how flexible she is! I can drop my children off early (by agreement), if I’m running late and she’s doing the school run, I just meet her at the school or wait until she’s home. If I’m held up, I message her to ask if I can pick up a bit later. She says no when it doesn’t work for her, but when it does work for her she’s happy to be flexible. I obviously pay the extra if I’m dropping off early or picking up late.

My youngest is not quite 2 and she gives her a hug when she walks in and holds her hand etc. I would absolutely hate doing a buggy handover and so would my daughter!

I think the main thing is that if it isn’t working for you, or it’s not a good match, it’s better to find someone new, especially when your child is so little. I definitely don’t think your expectations are unreasonable at all.

Sounds rigid and ridiculous. Of course you should be on time but a few minutes early or late is not something anyone should be stressed about. Putting him in the buggy again sounds stupid. Find someone else.

Her rules about timings are utterly ridiculous! If a cm needs to do a school run (as our one used to), she tells parents the times she will not be available for drop off ie come before 8.15 or after 9. Requesting parents do not turn up early is also entirely reasonable as she maybe sorting her own family.

Requesting parents arrive within a 2 minute window is ludicrous! Schools and nurseries all have a window to account to traffic/other children/other eventualities. Requesting a text message at a specific time (which can only be sent whilst driving to achieve the request) is also crazy! And unless she is about to take the child on the school run/walk by foot the moment they arrive, there is no rational reason they need to be put in a buggy before being taken to the front door.

This all just makes a busy parents life harder. I would certainly be looking elsewhere

Sounds like she’s leaving baby strapped in the pushchair for her own convenience whilst doing other hand overs!

Sounds weird to me. She doesn't want you picking up 5 or 10 minutes early either?
She's very rigid. It would put me right off.

Its very weird. I would be tempted to be early and loiter late for a day or two, see the others being dropped off and try to figure out why she is doing it. Pretend you are on a call so can't drive away.
And yes I would ditch her for it, I couldn't stand that inflexible attitude. It wouldn't have fitted with my relaxed parenting style. If she that strict with you, I'd worry how strict she is with the kids? How does she deal with the kids messing her around, taking their time, making a mess? Can you imagine her attitude to potty training?
Everyone has a parenting style and you do meet people whose attitudes are just alien to you. Its best to walk away. I had a friend who encouraged her child to hit back. You can imagine how that ended.

It’s a red flag. Perhaps trying to conceal how many other children they mind, arriving at different times. Would make me wonder how long they are leaving kids in buggies. Just pull out, or check asap with other parent clients about their experience.

I'd find another childminder. She sounds like a pain in the arse and the lunches sound crap.
It'll only get worse once you add a bit of work stress into the mix.

Weirdest set up I've heard of. We have 2 minders one for our 2 year old twins and one for our 3 year old. Both do pretty much the same. Half hour slot for drop off and pick up. Hot meal each day for lunch the 3 year old we pay £3 a day and he gets lovely home cooked food and the twins £2 each and yesterday they had a lovely chicken dinner. Never had to leave them in a pram etc just scoop them up and walk into minders house and shout out if she's in the back. I would find it odd leaving my children with minders who wouldn't allow me inside

She sounds neurotic and I couldn't deal with that every day.

A 10 minute window for drop off and pick up is more reasonable, especially as you can't always judge traffic down to the last minute.

Say she opens at 8:00 and you pay from 8:00, why can't she agree to drop off between 8:00 and 8:10? And pay up to say 5:30 but agree pick up between 5:20 and 5:30?

She isn't losing out on time or money and parents have that window of time that gives them some flexibility for traffic or last minute tantrums where they're not going to be stressing about being precisely on the minute. It just isn't reasonable.

I would refuse to partake in the buggy arrival batshittery. Unless she keeps your buggy for the day and uses it I would be accidentally leaving it in the house or in my husbands car.

My CM was similarly strict 10+ yrs ago.
She worked with an assistant and so had a lot of drop offs in a morning.
She wanted to ensure it was smooth and she had time to speak to each parent, write notes etc rather than everyone turning up together. Which would be chaos.
Obviously all had to be there before the school run.
She also explained the doorbell would cause some children to get excited/upset so expecting you she could have everything ready

@Childminderwoes

It doesn't matter what's normal, it only matters whether it works for you or not & you've said you're going to look for a nursery, so that's that really.

however, as you're driving then texting 2 mins before isn't a problem as it must take you 2 minutes to get the buggy out & DS into it & down her drive.

buggy could be keep him secure while the next parent arrives then they're straight uff on a school run or whatever.

or as she said, maybe she believes they settle in for the day better this way?! If she needs the buggy in the day you'd be getting it out the car anyway, so what's the real issue?

she prefers staggered arrivals, again- what's the problem. You don't need a Mother's meeting in her doorstep.

maybe forbid doorbell going upsets some of the other children.

cold lunch won't hurt him.

I'd find the arrival at a specific time too stressful, but I'd talk to her about it & see if she's willing to be flexible if you text when you park the car.

but you've decided on nursery anyway. Just be aware that's not all sunshine & roses either.

Yes, this.

She sounds anxious and rigid, not a good combination for a childminder.

I've been a childminder and used childminders. I'd say this is a red flag and I'm afraid I'd move on.

Good childcare should make your life easier, not more difficult. You can't control traffic. On time for pick up yes, but to the minute at drop off/pick up is ridiculous. I was available from 7:30 am onward for drop off and pick up was anytime. I just asked that children were picked up by 6 pm.

I worked as a childminder I had set open/close times and parents needed to be mindful of school runs so drop off was usually 730-815 and pick up between 4-6. I didn't like parents being late outside of my working hours and if they were going to be late for drop off they needed to let me know as we often went to groups after school run.

But this sounds too rigid and the pushchair thing is bizarre. I'd probably look else where but be mindful you will have to give paid notice as per your contract.

Also the food , I would often do sandwiches at lunch or beans on toast. Often a picnic at the park. Main meal would be a dinner at tea time.

Not normal for my childminder (who I've used for 8 years). When I take my kids in I step inside and chat for a minute while the kids settle (unless they're shooting out the door for a school run or outing), regularly stop for a cup of tea, collect and drop any time during my paid for hours (though if I collect at a random point in the day I might have to chase them down at whatever activity they're doing!).

The buggy handover is really weird. What does she do when she takes him off you in the buggy? Push the buggy into her house? Why?! I think I'd worry she leaves him strapped in to a buggy half the morning

Lunch I can't get worked up over really. If you don't like the offering (and I wouldn't either!) then send a packed lunch/something to shove in the microwave? My childminder used to do a hot dinner (doesn't anymore) but I've never known a hot lunch as the childminders are out all morning and then do lunch before nap time - no time to prep a hot lunch.

Much as my childminders house is her home (obviously!) I also feel like it is my child's day care and so I want to be welcome in there and to see my child playing and being comfortable there. An exclusively outside handover would make me wonder what she is hiding inside. Plus also, who is inside with the other mindees when she comes outside to meet you?!

I would be looking for a new childminder if I’m honest, just reading your post made me feel unsettled

So you have a 5 min slot, and are not allowed to be there before that slot starts, yet she demands you text her 2 mins before you arrive? So, she's expecting you to find somewhere to pull over in your car, turn off the engine, to make sure you're not breaking the law, then text her, then continue on your journey? That's batshit.

This is just ridiculous. I could not cope with this level of batshittery.

Does she just have a row of babies/toddlers strapped into buggies in her living room during the drop off morning period? The fact that she comes out to get the children is also odd, so she's not inside supervising the children in there either. It's like she doesn't want you to see inside. I wouldn't be comfortable with this. When I used to do nursery drop offs, we left them off at the door (but inside the building), but at pick up, we could go right on in and watch them tidy up, say their goodbyes etc. Or listen to the end of their story time etc.

I would be getting another childminder ASAP.

We had a childminder like this, it was so stressful. She didn't mind a few mins early but couldn't be any later than 8am as she was leaving for school run. We just couldn't be that precise with young children - one tantrum refusing to get dressed or getting in the car and we'd miss our slot and have to wait until she was back at 9am which then made me late for work. There were a few other red flags so we found an alternative and moved as soon as we could. Our current childminder we pay from 8am and aim for that time, but she doesn't go out until 8:40 and doesn't mind us being late.

We've had a few different childminders over the years and have always provided our own lunch. How can she be cooking meals whilst watching children? We just give leftovers from the night before (I used to cook a little extra and serve up into a lunch box the same time I did our plates so I knew I had enough).

The pushchair thing is also odd. After the first few weeks you should be able to hand straight over with no tears, and even if they are crying, ours always took them straight in and distracted them with toys, then sent a photo a little later or them playing happily to reassure me.

Don't give up on childminders completely because of one bad experience, they can be brilliant if you find a good one, and in my opinion give a far higher quality of care than any nursery, especially for babies. Unfortunately the best ones do tend to be fully booked 6+ months ahead but you may find someone with availability from Easter. Is there a local Facebook group of childminders you can discreetly make enquiries in? Or if you find one who is already full they usually know of others who may have space. Trust your gut and good luck!