…or is my childminder?

[Childminderwoes]

DS is 10 months and started with a childminder 6 weeks ago. 2 days a week so I can get various things done before my maternity leave ends in March, and full time hours when I go back.

He has a drop off/pick up time as you would expect but she’s very very very rigid about this. And will message to complain if you’re not there at the exact minute because she has other drops offs 5 minutes either side of his slot. To the extent where she’s messaged to complain about him being dropped off 2 or 3 minutes before or after his set time.

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off, so she can come outside to collect him, and is very firm about this, and will again text if I forget to remind me for next time.

She wants him to be in the buggy at every drop off to minimise his distress at being ‘handed over’ which I understood for the first few weeks but it’s become a real pain getting the buggy out of the car, setting it up and strapping him in just to wheel him down her driveway.

She’s really lovely but after 5 weeks all of it is getting a bit much. I thought by now I would be able to just hand him over, as you would expect mornings are a bit mad as I also have a 4 year old to get to school. All these extra caveats are starting to grate on me a little.

To add to this I’m not too sure about his meals. He has lunch at hers, but never what I would call a proper lunch - the diary entry says things like bread sticks, toast, pouches, fruit. I suppose I expected he would have something a bit healthier and hot.

Is this normal for a childminder?

Look for alternative she is far too rigid. If you can find a good nursery it will be much easier.

If the situation is making you stressed after 5 weeks you need to think about what you can change to make your life calm before school drop off an d work

it maybe a case of you have to arrive 10 minutes early each day and do school reading in the car. with a daily alarm to send the text.

Address the lunch meal and ask why its not hot

or you look for another childcare setting that suits you better

My personal experience (I have had my kids at both nurseries and at childminders) is that the lovely childminders I’ve encountered, hold a much more home-from-home relaxed vibe compared with nurseries. The childminders I’ve used clearly love their job and clearly love the kids they care for. Our childminder is so flexible and understanding in all situations re dropoff/pickup. And the kids are like one big happy family. What kind of vibe do you generally get from your childminder op???? Does she seem like she even enjoys what she does? Has your son got a rapport with her yet???? I’ll be honest here , and I don’t want to sound too negative towards your childminder , but from your post , my thoughts are “yeah that’s too much weirdness and a no from me.”

I wouldn't be happy with the buggy thing. I'd expect them to check the child is alert and well so that would be a big no-no for me.

They don't seem to be given much in the way of food or snacks either.

The timeslot thing is weird. If I were texting two minutes before arrival, how can I get there on time? Unless you text whilst driving or pushing a buggy? 🤦‍♀️

Yes - this.
The texting thing is stressing me out too! An actual logistical nightmare.
Plus how has the childminder got time all morning to be checking her phone every minute to see who’s turning up in the next 2 minutes?! Ridiculous and such a red flag!!

Sorry if I’m seeming too negative. But yeah, my thoughts are - that’s not lunch, that’s a very very small snack at best.

Please don’t let this C.M dictate, I see so many at the schools during pick up and whilst some are amazing some are not so, the children look sad 😔 please ensure your child is happy there firstly and foremost 🌸 good luck

Not normal at all. I am a childminder and flexible on drop-off. If a child has been dropped off particularly late, we may say that we are at the park/group and parents will drop off there instead - that’s usually if they’re more than 45 minutes late. The Buggy drop-off is definitely strange. I had a 10 month old start in December and she’s now walking in with a big smile on her face. I don’t see the purpose of the Buggy? I guess the meals are down to what they said they’re going to offer, but personally we cook hot home meals, such as chilli, spaghetti Bolognese, curry…

How is your lo now, is he settled? Does she have another one due to arrive that needs settling? If she's trying to make sure she has time to spend with each child and get a proper handover she may have planned slots to give individual attention....but then id explain this and have a bit longer. The pushchair is odd unless she's going straight to school and it unsettles him ....I have one parent who if arriving late won't put their child in my car as they cry if they don't come inside...so they follow me or wait for my return....their choice.
Could you ask to supply a packed lunch? I don't do cooked lunch it cuts into activities too much...but it's a healthy balanced lunch.
I'd talk to her....I'd hate it if a parent felt they couldn't approach me.

Is this woman under the impression that she’s paying you to look after your child?
That she’s basically the recipient of the goods?
She’s terribly bossy for someone providing a service and asking for compensation.
i don’t think I’d last very long with someone who I was paying for a service and she kept making demands.
She is not the boss of you, @Childminderwoes.

Switch

The food would be the one that did it for me.

Okay this gives me red flags due to my best friend's experience years ago. Her childminder was much the same, everyone said she was lovely and on the surface she was, but a complete control freak. Kids had to be in car seats or pushchairs and you couldn't go in. Friend got a call to say her DH had a car accident and she went straight to childminder to get bubba, she knew she couldn't leave him bc childminder had said no late pick ups or she would call social services! Anyway friend turns up, she had tried to call CM but no answer. Cm went nuts saying you can't just turn up and take your child, you have to text and arrange in advance etc. Refused to let my friend in to get HER OWN CHILD and told her to come back at her normal time. Friend pushed past her and went in to complete silence, kids all in car seats or buggies. In silence. No TV, music, nothing, all crammed in a tiny room. Took her kid and went to hospital. She ended up calling the police and reporting bc something felt off. Anyway all got investigated and turns out that's how the kids were all day every day. One neighbour never even knew she looked after kids bc she never saw or heard them... Anyway, trust your instincts on this one. Have you ever been in her house, seen where the kids play/sleep etc

Sounds like army boot camp. Stuff that.

She sounds a total pain in the neck. I would find it hard to put up with this nonsense. I would be looking elsewhere. Its folk like this idiot that give childminders a bad name.

She is unreasonable to not only expect you to never be late, even by 1 minute.. but also to have to text 2 minutes before arriving! …… so basically you have to arrive at hers 5 minutes early so that you can text her, then get the buggy out, strap son in and get him to her front door dead on time… but not a minute early or late… so you literally need to stand on her doorstep watching your watch and press her doorbell the second it changes to 8:00
yeah I would look elsewhere!

Or would she like you to text behind the wheel? Ridiculous

My mother is a child minder 25+ years.
drop offs are 10 min window (no texting or buggy drop offs) this sounds a lot to me and a bit regimental, what if baby doesn’t want to be in the buggy?
meals during the day are meals, real food consisting of vegetables, meat, potatoes, fruit and various snacks and sandwiches. This week gone has been cottage pie, pasta bolognaise and chunky soup (all prepared in advanced and to the age requirements of children.
I think your child minder sounds far to strict.

Something isn’t right, I’d park and watch just how many children are dropped off too, think I’d even raise my concerns with the council or whoever protects children, somethings definitely wrong here.

YANBU ❤️‍🩹My neighbour has been a childminder for 20 years. She left her frontdoor on a glant so parents could simply walk in with their baby. (Anyway, so your childminder comes outside leaving the other children unsupervised inside?) Also, my neighbour made a hot meal from scratch every day at noon and prepared homemade fruitsnacks for the afternoon. Yes, she insisted on being timely for pick-up but not on-the-minute. I think your childminder might have a touch of OCD.

This is so sad and so scary to think that people would actually do this :(
breaks my heart. I’m glad your friend found out and raised the alarm to the authorities.

This sounds insane to me!
my 17 month old goes to a childminder 2 days a week. One day her hours are 9:15-2:15, the other they are 7:45-4:45. Never once has she been dropped off bang on those times both days 😂 (never early though, I’d totally understand not dropping off before the time you’re paying from!) I ring the bell and then walk in, we do handover in the house. The fact she wants your child dropped off on the driveway in a buggy so you don’t ever set foot in the house concerns me - what are the other children doing in the house while she’s at the door? Are they all strapped in buggies too?
Lunch just sounds like a conversation needs to be had about your expectations so that issue alone wouldn’t bother me but the stress of the drop-off slots and things? Nah I’d be looking for alternative childcare

When you start back to work this arrangement will be really stressful. What happens if your child fills their nappy as you leave the house? You risk being late if you go back into your house to change the nappy. Or are you supposed to leave your child in a dirty nappy in the buggy for drop off? And you can’t predict traffic. And all this before a days work. It’s hard enough without childminder stress.

I did think that possibly if the baby is new and suffers separation anxiety, then the poor childminder can’t beholding him when others are knocking at her door within minutes. She is also not allowed to leave the baby u supervised out of her sight. I would guess her reasoning for knowing exactly when pick ups and drops are is because she doesn’t want to leave your little one for too long in his pram. All it would take is a simple conversation with your childminder instead of asking a bunch of strangers, most of whom know nothing about the rigid rules childminders have to follow as well as making sure ALL the children are in and safely settled. As for parents being allowed in, yes I do if I am in the room to supervise them so long as it doesn’t disrupt their child or the other children for one month. After that it flows easier and is far safer to do doorstep pickups. Not all parents want other parents watching their child. Also please remember it’s still the childminders home. She may just have her smalls on her radiator drying. All those saying report her to Ofsted are shocking people. What for? Doesn’t sound like she has done anything wrong. Her setting, her rules. How soon you all forget how the headmistress with a whole team behind her committed suicide because of Ofsted, yet you want to report a childminder who otherwise seems to be doing a good job, supplying a reasonable lunch and doing safeguarding to Ofsted! If you are that unhappy leave. There will be a queue of others waiting to grab that space.

Totally agree.

Find a new one asap. my childminder liked my son in a buggy and then i found out he was in it all the time