…or is my childminder?

[Childminderwoes]

DS is 10 months and started with a childminder 6 weeks ago. 2 days a week so I can get various things done before my maternity leave ends in March, and full time hours when I go back.

He has a drop off/pick up time as you would expect but she’s very very very rigid about this. And will message to complain if you’re not there at the exact minute because she has other drops offs 5 minutes either side of his slot. To the extent where she’s messaged to complain about him being dropped off 2 or 3 minutes before or after his set time.

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off, so she can come outside to collect him, and is very firm about this, and will again text if I forget to remind me for next time.

She wants him to be in the buggy at every drop off to minimise his distress at being ‘handed over’ which I understood for the first few weeks but it’s become a real pain getting the buggy out of the car, setting it up and strapping him in just to wheel him down her driveway.

She’s really lovely but after 5 weeks all of it is getting a bit much. I thought by now I would be able to just hand him over, as you would expect mornings are a bit mad as I also have a 4 year old to get to school. All these extra caveats are starting to grate on me a little.

To add to this I’m not too sure about his meals. He has lunch at hers, but never what I would call a proper lunch - the diary entry says things like bread sticks, toast, pouches, fruit. I suppose I expected he would have something a bit healthier and hot.

Is this normal for a childminder?

The buggy thing is very odd, I would definitely worry it means she's leaving babies strapped into buggies for extended periods. Also sounds that she wants to make sure you never actually see what's going on inside the house.

And the lunch provision sounds very poor indeed. I hope you find an alternative soon.

So sorry to say this OP as I know how hard it is to get decent childcare but I would be looking for a new one. I bet this isn’t the only little way she has and I’d worry about it rubbing off on DC tbh. For me, a childminder has to be flexible. They work with babies and toddlers FGS!

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off, so she can come outside to collect him, and is very firm about this, and will again text if I forget to remind me for next time.

Absolutely bizarre.

Have you been inside the property? I am assuming so, when you were vetting her but it does come across as extreme and I suppose I would start to wonder what was going on at that point in the day that she was so fraught about.

What are pick ups like - apologies if I've missed this. Are you allowed in then?

I think it's really unreasonable to hold you to the exact minute for drop off, surely that is not possible for most. That would be hard enough without kids! And the 2 minute text thing is bizarre.

The only thing I can think re the buggy is if she's got another pre-walking drop off too so she keeps your baby in the buggy until that one is done? Otherwise she'd be holding yours and have to take the other as well? I don't know, but seems odd and agree it's a pain for you to have to get your buggy out just for the walk up her driveway.

Ex childminder here.

Her rules about timings are reasonable. If you are late you throw the morning routine off massively which is a problem if you have drop offs to do and your arrival time is close to needing to leave drop offs. I was always quite relaxed about people being early but tbh that can also be a problem because if someone is too early I might not ready. Personally If I was you I would be 5 mins early and wait in the car.
Does she use his buggy to take him out with or her own. Tbh if she doesn't use the buggy to take him out with I think she's being rediculous needing him to be in the buggy and you should be able to hand him over by hand.

I used to let parents in my house to drop off and pick up tbh. I think it's friendlier but no other childminders I knew let parents in and all did doorstep drop offs I was the unusual one.

I was a very home from home setting and as a result I am not friends with most people I minded for.

It sounds to me like she doesnt want you to come in to the building with your dc and wants to meet you outside (hence texting exactly 2 mins before you arrive) and that she is going to leave you dc strapped into the push chair for a while (hence insisting he is dropped off in one).

I get a very uncomfortable feeling about both of those ‘rules’.

Do you get pictures of your dc during the day? Do you see the other dc and parents at drop off or pick up? Does your dc come home settled and happy?

I would be looking for another setting

To the MINUTE, as opposed to a window, plus the malarky around texting EVERY MORNING two minutes before the official drop off time. Did you read that part?

So you expect someone to text while driving?

Oh and if you need to leave at a particular time to do a school drop off tell the parents that you do a school drop off at x time so you need to be there x minutes before.

Mine drop off 8-9:30 and pickup 3:30-6:00. I’ve used a buggy drop off for a child who was struggling with the transition from home to me, but not for long. I was a bit more strict about times when I also had a school run to do. If parents arrive at the same time they form an orderly queue outside.

Maybe just have a chat with her and ask her why she has the rules and how you can work together on this. If this doesn’t work then you might be best moving.

I'd never drop off before time but after, if it's a few minutes is weird.

The buggy thing is also weird. It's up to her to manage the drop off. Tell her you're not doing it anymore,

She must know with babies you can't always guarantee how they will be.
Tell her you do your best and to stop texting. You will only text if 10 mins late.

For me, a childminder has to be flexible. They work with babies and toddlers FGS!

With the caveat that I have never used a childminder - this is what jumped out at me! Small kids can’t be managed to the minute. Is she as rigid about rules with the children she minds?

What a total PITA I think claiming"unsettling routine" is laughable if you can't manage to allow parents more than a 5 minute a lot in which to drop off their child and insist on a buggy from the car to the door

OP it's not normal at all and there is no way I'd put up with this

Not normal at all! And I'd find it a bit odd she only wants to meet you outside. I've used 3 childminders and know a few, none need a message before dropping off, all just open the front door and whatever children are there are playing in the background and that's lovely, chaotic, and totally normal. The buggy thing is madness too when you're coming by car.

I do text when I'm going to pickup but that's so they can get him in coat and shoes without me there at the door while he runs about saying 'I don't wanna go yet I'm playing' etc, so more for me than them as I can't be doing with the fact that he likes it there more than at mine and having him ready for me to do a quick handover and go is better for me!

I have also used a nursery - you can be late dropping off but not early, they kept door shut (1 or 2 mins ok to ring the bell but not before) and again you can be early as you like to pickup, but don't be late :)

Crappy lunch, I’d complain about that.

Not normal and I'd swap now so he has time to settle in somewhere else! She sounds mad

That sounds far too strict and controlling. I'd change child minder.

I agree with this. None of this is normal and I'd look to find someone else. You do not need this drama when you go back to work

It’s the complete lack of flex and that put me off a childminder. If she’s sick or goes on holiday - that’s your problem. Your one sounds incredibly high maintenance

nursery - drop off when you like and collect when you like ( before closing) hot food, staff sick? THEIR problem!

Bonkers, find something else.

I think the "childminders" saying they think this is reasonable have never worked in a proper childcare setting outside their own house/bubble. Because all nurseries and schools manage to cope with kids getting dropped off. Usually parents queue outside.

Thank God when we moved from a nursery to a childminder she was very experienced as a nursery manager and can handle a few parents lining up outside her door for drop off and cope with feeding the children nutritious meals and giving them engaging activities. I've never seen children fastened into high chairs/buggies at her house, either.

OP your whole childminder's set up sounds awful. Just goes to show you can get all the qualifications/legal requirements in the world but there's no substitute for actually working in childcare before striking out alone.

No not normal.

What happens if there is traffic or delays etc?

Mine wants dropped off in the morning anytime from 7:30-8:30 and can pick up anytime from 4:00-7:00pm. She just asks for an estimate on the time we will be coming.

Ours doesnt provide meals so we send lunch etc although there has been days she has given him some dinner which I have been grateful for - just nuggets, waffles etc.

I had a previous childminder that was exactly the same only she provided meals, and the meals provided were always "hot meals" e.g. stew, mini roast, pasta etc.

No she sounds bonkers and far too rigid for me. I can drop my child off whenever really. If I’m going to be significantly later than usual I’ll message her and she’ll tell me if they are planning to be out and suggest I drop DD off there. I pick her up at any time before 5pm (but I know they’ll be off on the school run between certain times) and I just turn up. If I’m running late she never charges me (because it’s rare and I’m flexible with her when she’s running late in the mornings etc). We have a quick chat at drop off and pick up while wresting the children in and out. I just plonk DD on her doorstep and she runs in happily. So do the other children who may or may not arrive at the same time. She’s a brilliant childminder and I’ve used her for both my kids for the last 5 years. She’s (understandably) strict about no early drop offs unless pre-arranged. Lunch is usually cold and in the form of ham or cheese wraps with veg. Sometimes pasta. It’s doesn’t bother me that it’s not hot. Saves me checking what they had for lunch to make sure it doesn’t clash with dinner.