…or is my childminder?

[Childminderwoes]

DS is 10 months and started with a childminder 6 weeks ago. 2 days a week so I can get various things done before my maternity leave ends in March, and full time hours when I go back.

He has a drop off/pick up time as you would expect but she’s very very very rigid about this. And will message to complain if you’re not there at the exact minute because she has other drops offs 5 minutes either side of his slot. To the extent where she’s messaged to complain about him being dropped off 2 or 3 minutes before or after his set time.

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off, so she can come outside to collect him, and is very firm about this, and will again text if I forget to remind me for next time.

She wants him to be in the buggy at every drop off to minimise his distress at being ‘handed over’ which I understood for the first few weeks but it’s become a real pain getting the buggy out of the car, setting it up and strapping him in just to wheel him down her driveway.

She’s really lovely but after 5 weeks all of it is getting a bit much. I thought by now I would be able to just hand him over, as you would expect mornings are a bit mad as I also have a 4 year old to get to school. All these extra caveats are starting to grate on me a little.

To add to this I’m not too sure about his meals. He has lunch at hers, but never what I would call a proper lunch - the diary entry says things like bread sticks, toast, pouches, fruit. I suppose I expected he would have something a bit healthier and hot.

Is this normal for a childminder?

Red flags all over for me. How overstretched is she that she can't handle drop offs or pick ups? Do you know how many children she has? I think you should find another childminder.

This is precisely why I chose a nursery for my children- I know it is more expensive but there is more accountability. If you are not allowed into the setting, even just to step foot through the door then I wouldn’t be using her as you can’t see what is happening behind closed doors. What is she doing with the other children whilst you are doing the handover outside? Are they all strapped into pushchairs? Also at nursery my two eat better than they would at home, the menu is very varied and great- something you cannot achieve with a childminder with less time and facilities. Perhaps explore different childminders or a local nursery.

It isn’t normal but some do have some very rigid practices. They can get away with it due to a shortage of decent childminders.

The one I used to use was lovely. Treated them like her own were, didn’t take maximum numbers and incredibly they had amazing home cooked food the same as her own kids. She had an amazingly varied menu with lots of herbs and on occasion spices. Speaking to other parents who used her, some admitted their kids started there being faddy with food but became amazingly varied eaters including all their fruit and veg. She was a real inspiration of not pandering to them.

Drop offs she agreed a time but a little variation was ok. It was more important to her to have a short amount of time to hand over both ways and ensure each parent could update her.

THE PROBLEM. She never ever advertised. Her reputation travelled by word of mouth and she had a long waiting list. She was not the norm

That seems strange, personally I’d find a different childminder.

I loved having a childminder and my nearly adult DCs still go and see her! This is not normal for a CM - she siding mind when you picked up and dropped off, within paid bourse, and we just met down the road if she’d left the house for the school run! She also made all their meals.

@Childminderwoes

I don’t think it sounds normal. It sounds like she is trying to manage drop offs, but massively overthinking it - and not considering the impact on you which would concern me. If you continue with her, could you arrive early, park 2 mins away - text and walk with buggy? I would imagine the buggy makes an easier drop off as it’s a child’s safe and familiar space : and they can’t run off! But she should be establishing a drop off relationship where they feel safe with HER, not the buggy.

OP isn’t talking about being late picking him up, she’s talking about drop offs in the mornings. I don’t see how her being a minute or two late entails the childminder incurring unpaid time.

The texting 2 minutes before arrival is ridiculous. Does she expect you to text whilst driving? Or arrive 2 minutes before your exact drop off time, text and then sit and wait? Or get your buggy out, wheel him to the front door and stand there waiting for the first exact second before you can knock on the door?

Nah. Too much hassle too early in. I'd understand if you were always late collecting him. But dropping off shouldn't be quite so rigid.

Not normal at all - I often had to find our childminder somewhere on their school run because I was running late and she didn't mind at all...

Nursery drop off with my youngest now I try to be on time because I pay from 8.15 so don't want to take the mick by dropping off early but if it's 8.13 or 8.20 they don't care.

When I went back to work after maternity my dc went to a childminder. She was a little like yours although no quite as bad. However, she wanted me to text 5 mins before arriving to pick up each day. I worked 15 mins from her house and depending on traffic could take anything up to 35 mins. I told her I would text when I left work but couldn't guarantee an exact time. She had to simply put up with it. She had an outstanding Ofsted rating but we just didn't get on with her. When she tried to increase her prices to the same as a nursery but wouldn't provide any food, nappies, flexibility I decided that I'd had enough. I switched to a nursery and didn't regret it. It reduced the stress of finding alternative childcare when she went on holiday or was sick. I decided that the extra cost to the nursery was definitely worth it. If your gut says it's not right then move your child elsewhere.

My first thought is that she’s doing everything she can to try to prevent the parents from meeting each other. Why, is the question I’d have.

I couldn’t deal with this stress of a morning OP! I’ve used 2 different day nurseries my daughters current one opens at 8am drop off is from 8am if you want your child to have breakfast she has to be there before 8.45 which we always are. She has 2 snacks a day & a hot lunch & a tea of rice cakes/bread sticks etc. I’d want my child to have a hot lunch to be honest. I would have a look around at other childminders or nurseries.

Imagine how rigid she is with your child if she’s like that with you. I’d swap and give her feedback as to why. Listen to your gut.

Mine went to a childminder for a number of years, she would pick them up at 5:30am and drop off was flexible depending on day/work/child’s activity etc.
Food wise we provided everything, boxes of cereal, loaf of bread, butter, jam etc for breakfast and a daily packed lunch when they were younger and stayed with her for lunch.

This suggests she has taken on one child too many. Unfortunately, her income is limited, by having to juggle different aged children being dropped off, and also having to drop the older ones off at school. It's not working for you, and sounds very difficult for her, so look for someone else OP.

Yes her drop off routine is unusual. I am a childminder and just have doors open/doors closed time. People know when I'm on school run and I don't wait for people as kids can't be late for school. Lunch : homecooked healthy hot lunch - sounds like yours should move to packed lunch.

Meeting outside sets off alarm bells. One, where are the other children? Two, what doesn’t she want you to see inside?

I ran a licensed day home. There’s zero chance I would have my kids with a daycare provider with these rules

Was she upfront about her procedures/time requirements when you signed up with her? If she was, then she’s done nothing wrong. If she sprung this on you after you started then she’s being unreasonable.

A Childminder runs a private business, so although her measures are unusual, she can run it however she likes. It’s up to you as a service user whether you can follow her instructions or if you would rather leave and use a different Childminder.

I would be seeking alternative childcare.

I have a headache just reading this. Not reasonable or practical at all! Be on time but not to the bloody minute! What is she a drill sergeant? Get a new childminder

Do you actually walk into her house? If so that’s a massive safeguarding risk and shouldn’t be allowed. If you can walk in then anyone can - and it suggests the door isn’t locked so the children could also leave.

I’m a childminder. I only ever do a picnic lunch, never hot. Always cold bits, sandwiches, sausage rolls, toast, fruit etc.
i don’t understand the buggy thing or the drop off time thing, unless I have to leave at a certain time I’m generally happy for people to drop off when’s convenient, they pay from their slot so it doesn’t matter to me.
and i would communicate the latest time they can drop off, if I have a school run for example.
i also don’t think he will ever get used to handovers if he is just wheeled in by her. Handovers are distressing at first, but they get used to it and they do need to learn that she’s a safe person for them. So that seems weird to me!

Exact to the minute drop off is ridiculous. If she has any experience of small children then she knows that's very hard to achieve. And if you're driving you shouldn't have to be texting her 2 minutes before arrival. You need to be able to pull over and stop so you can safely use your phone at exactly 2 minutes before, that's insane. And then to put your child into a buggy from the car is too. Surely handing over into loving arms is much nicer?

I assume you're paying a daily rate rather than by the hour/minute. So she won't be losing any pay if you're late or expecting her to work for free.

Our childminder is amazing and we are so lucky to have found her. Very flexible with change in routine, rough time to drop off and pick up, don't worry if you're late unless it's after 6pm. Feeds them a hot meal at lunch, then picky bits/sandwich/beans on toast/omelette tea after school as some of the school kids have a bigger tea later with family.

I wouldn't dismiss all childminders because of this one but I would probably look at swapping as you don't want to be starting every day being stressed because of her.

I am a childminder and find this crazy. Yes we have schedules and make plans for school drop off etc, but my parents know what time I leave for school so can drop off any time up until that point otherwise they contact me to arrange to meet me en route or drop off after. Obviously if they are going to be really late due to an appointment for example I’d expect them to tell me in advance as we may have a trip planned.

all my kids get handed straight to me in the morning, the buggy idea baffles me.
The food situation is a bit trickier as it depends what you agreed and if you never discussed it in depth then it’s not really wrong. I tend to give the kids I look after things like lasagne, steak pie, mince & potatoes, stir fry etc. We will also have days where we have simple soup & sandwiches or picky days as we call them where they have similar to what you described such as breadsticks, cucumber, peppers, fruit, cheese etc. These days are not as often and normally on really hot days in summer as the kids can’t be bothered to eat then.
it may be worth telling her that the service isn’t what you expected and see if she is happy to make changes.

Most people surely choose a childminder over nursery because it offers more personal, flexible, home-like care.

This 5 minute drop off windows, must give 2 minutes notice of arrival, and have the baby in a buggy for a pavement handover sounds so much worse than any institution would come up with.