…or is my childminder?

[Childminderwoes]

DS is 10 months and started with a childminder 6 weeks ago. 2 days a week so I can get various things done before my maternity leave ends in March, and full time hours when I go back.

He has a drop off/pick up time as you would expect but she’s very very very rigid about this. And will message to complain if you’re not there at the exact minute because she has other drops offs 5 minutes either side of his slot. To the extent where she’s messaged to complain about him being dropped off 2 or 3 minutes before or after his set time.

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off, so she can come outside to collect him, and is very firm about this, and will again text if I forget to remind me for next time.

She wants him to be in the buggy at every drop off to minimise his distress at being ‘handed over’ which I understood for the first few weeks but it’s become a real pain getting the buggy out of the car, setting it up and strapping him in just to wheel him down her driveway.

She’s really lovely but after 5 weeks all of it is getting a bit much. I thought by now I would be able to just hand him over, as you would expect mornings are a bit mad as I also have a 4 year old to get to school. All these extra caveats are starting to grate on me a little.

To add to this I’m not too sure about his meals. He has lunch at hers, but never what I would call a proper lunch - the diary entry says things like bread sticks, toast, pouches, fruit. I suppose I expected he would have something a bit healthier and hot.

Is this normal for a childminder?

Gosh, you've made me really appreciate our lovely childminder and her flexibility! Drop off is any time between 7:45am and 8:30am. She just opens her door and DD runs in to join the fun. Lunches are home made soups and most of the year.

Your childminder sounds like a nightmare! Definitely swap.

That's very odd. Our childminder allowed us to drop off any time between 8 and 10!
And never dictated to me how I hand her over. Surely that's a parent's prerogative.

Definitely not normal, would also be concerned about the doorstep drop off - when I used a childminder I went into the house with my child & she distracted her by playing to make sure she was happy when I left. Would also not be happy with such a light lunch every day

Are you actually allowed in the house and can see the set up/ see her interacting with him in the house? I would be concerned if I could not. Being late outwith the paid for hours, is not on but not being allowed to be early is unreasonable.

I would personally always choose a CM over a nursery but it has to be a CM that suits you. We started with one CM who was lovely but had a couple of odd rules that didn't suit us so we found a new one. Other people didn't mind the rules of the first one but we did, so we had to find an alternative.

Oh for goodness sake. Really?

Ofsted outstanding Childminder of 20 years here. I hope I can help Op with some facts. It is absolutely not normal for a child to turn up in a pushchair. This is for several reasons. The first being the child needs to get used to being handed over from parent to carer to build a bond, stop confusion for the child and almost and very importantly, to safeguard the child and yourself. If a child is wrapped up in the pram they could be hiding a multitude of bruises or breaks. Plus, what a faff for poor parent getting out of car to put a buggy up!!! For the first month my new parents come in to hand over so they get the feel of the setting and can see where their child will be. After that I stick to door collections and pickups because it’s easier as children often play up for parents and being on the doorstep with just parent means we can converse privately about their child without all the school age children listening in. The inflexibility and text thing. So, texting sounds very weird. I can understand over lockdown as we were only allowed one parent at the door at a time, but now, no! My parents can come anytime from 7am to 8.30 then after 9am school run to 9.30. If they are going to be later than that they know they can meet me at soft play, group, forest school etc. lunch seems perfectly normal. A childminder is on her own and needs to be supervising children, not making two course lunches for several different dietary requirements in the kitchen. They are not a nursery. I do a mix of hot food pre prepared the previous night or if we are out all morning we do toast, cucumber, cheeses, yogurts, raisins and breadsticks etc. parents can also do a packed lunch if they prefer. Be careful when looking for new childcare because currently there is only one space for every ten children with new funding. If you are otherwise happy with your child’s care then I suggest a meeting with your childminder where you discuss what you feel needs to be different. Childminders should be flexible to accommodate families. Really hope this has helped you.

@User2123

We had a childminder like this, it was so stressful. She didn't mind a few mins early but couldn't be any later than 8am as she was leaving for school run. We just couldn't be that precise with young children - one tantrum refusing to get dressed or getting in the car and we'd miss our slot and have to wait until she was back at 9am which then made me late for work. There were a few other red flags so we found an alternative and moved as soon as we could. Our current childminder we pay from 8am and aim for that time, but she doesn't go out until 8:40 and doesn't mind us being late.

That's a bit unfair. This is absolutely not red flags. As a cm as much as you as a mum get stressed out getting one child sorted in a morning the cm will have a routine to get 4/5/6 children ready and out the door to get to school (who will absolutely expect an on time drop off). It's so reasonable of a cm to expect you to drop when she comes back from school run if you can't get there on time. Definitely NOT a red flag.

But for the OP it's does all sound very odd. To the minute drop offs won't be easy and shouldn't be dropping off in buggy etc. what happens once they get in.

Lunches sounds similar to what I do but this is all discussed in the beginning and it's because we're always out on adventures somewhere.

Find someone else.

She’s uptight and controlling. People like this aren’t great with kids in my experience.

She’s also not feeding him sufficiently imo.

That’s well weird. I’d even go so far as to say if she has a school run your child doesn’t come out the buggy at all in the morning.

She sounds like a really uptight anal person and it’s not someone I’d thing I’d I want looking after my baby.

i just keep imagining/wondering what it’s like for the kids in her home if she’s that weird about drop offs.

Ps re/lunches most I know require all children to bring a packed lunch. Ours will reheat anything that needs serving hot. If they won’t be home ( lots of trips out) then she requests it’s cold foodstuffs

Three things @Childminderwoes

1. Have you ever been inside the childminder's house - I assume you must have, before you signed up.
2. Have you asked her why she is so rigid? Along the lines of - "mornings can be hectic, this is difficult to manage, is there another way to do this?".
3. Have you ever done a quick unexpected drop-in to check on what is actually happening at her home.

This is beyond weird, I am sorry but to me sounds like she doesn't want you in the house. My DS's childminder used to invite us in for a cuppa whilst he was finishing his tea (always hot meals). She is a dear human being who adored him and all the charges in her care. Sorry but your CM sounds like there may be some OCD issues at play - not a good environment for small children, who can't tell you what is happening in their day.

Time for a change.

DDs used to be with a childminder who was the absolute b*llocks at it! Easy drop off times but never did after school care, young children only as had a son with learning difficulties so pre-school ages suited the family better. Excellent meals and a large drop-off window in the morning. She was firm but fair and a former social worker so had safeguarding at the heart of everything ♥️. I do love bragging about her!

Your childminders setup is not normal, OP. Fine someone else.

That’s ridiculous. When one of my children went to a childminder, the first was totally flexible. The second also did school runs so she couldn’t do the drop off time we wanted - so she asked us to drop him off 15-30 mins earlier for free. It was essentially any time between 8-8.30.

This sounds strange and stressful! Are there no childminders that do drop offs/pick ups at your child’s school? I used to drop my eldest child
off at school, and hand over my youngest child to the childminder at the same
time as she was there on the school run. Easy!

I would be looking at it from the perspective she is trying to make sure your child is the most calm they can be when they arrive. The drop off timings seems to be so she can give each arrival some time before the next child arrives and doesn’t have parents dropping off at the same time. The buggy is for his sake so he doesn’t get separation anxiety.
it’s really up to you if her ways suit you or not

Annoying and unnecessary. Nursery has a 1 hour dropoff window which is more workable around our child's chaotic sleep, pay from the start of the hour of course. Talk to the childminder and see if they can loosen up before chucking them, maybe they've not realised how annoying this is?

@Glittersmoke That sounds ridiculous and like your parents are taking the p*! OP's set up sounds odd and overly rigid but it sounds like you're at the other extreme and need some further boundaries! My childminder charges anything beyond 15mins late, quite rightly.

The lunches are normal, the drop offs are not, I would be questioning how'd long he's staying in the buggy. I had one who would pick the toys away and never let mine walk when she was of walking age. It took a long time to find out what was happening. I'd find another if I was you.

She sounds very OCD about this...its extremely odd to have such an inflexible routine...life is just too short for this kind of set up..I'd change childminders personally, much better to have someone with realistic goals and expectations..routine is great but maybe this is OTT and the buggy thing is just weird

Anyone who thinks like this would be a pain in the arse if you had the misfortune to use their services.

Banging on about ‘stealing’ 15 minutes a month if you doing hit your precise 5 minute window (where being early is also
a problem!) is not a great sign in a childminder. Or any work situation. It’s like the self employed version of jobsworthing.

There are childcare options that are run more reasonably out there.

Drop offs timed to the minute sound unreasonable.

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off

How are you supposed to do that when driving the car? Is she honestly asking you to break the law?

Sounds nothing like mine, our booked hours are 9-5; DH drop her off as close to 9 as possible most days as DH has to get to work but also had to walk our son to school, walk home, put DD in the car then drive to childminders, all of which can take varying amounts of time. Sometimes he bumps into our childminder on the school run and if she has a spare car seat suitable for our DD in the car she says to him ‘shall I just take her here to save you driving around to me?’

I pick up anytime between 4.30 and 5, usually 4.45-4.50 ish as I leave work in time to allow for bad traffic. We just ring the doorbell when we get there. Often another parent is collecting around the same time as I’m collecting my two and it’s no hassle. Texting when 2 minutes away is bonkers to me!

She preferred DD to be in our arms for handover when she was small (she started when she was 4 months) and had a little routine to make the hand over fun to minimise issues. Now she just walks in and out.

They have sandwiches, pitta pockets, mac and cheese etc for lunch, with carrots/cucumber sticks, tomatoes, fruit etc.

As commuting parents I’d hate such a rigid approach; it would be unsustainable.

Is she approachable to talk to? This would be another big thing for me. Talk to her and tell her the drop off arrangement is difficult for you due to traffic etc and see if she will be more flexible. Also ask her how long your child will be in the buggy after drop off - does she need him to be in there to go straight out on a school run, for example, or is it only for convenience on her part to have them sat still during the drop off time?

The arrangements are unusual and you should feel comfortable to question them with her. You are paying, she isn’t doing you a favour so make sure you are happy with everything before going full time.

That’s insane, you’d have to text at the bottom of her drive whilst getting the buggy and baby out of the car. Couldn’t put up with that malarkey. How are you supposed to control traffic to fit in such rigid time frames?