…or is my childminder?

[Childminderwoes]

DS is 10 months and started with a childminder 6 weeks ago. 2 days a week so I can get various things done before my maternity leave ends in March, and full time hours when I go back.

He has a drop off/pick up time as you would expect but she’s very very very rigid about this. And will message to complain if you’re not there at the exact minute because she has other drops offs 5 minutes either side of his slot. To the extent where she’s messaged to complain about him being dropped off 2 or 3 minutes before or after his set time.

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off, so she can come outside to collect him, and is very firm about this, and will again text if I forget to remind me for next time.

She wants him to be in the buggy at every drop off to minimise his distress at being ‘handed over’ which I understood for the first few weeks but it’s become a real pain getting the buggy out of the car, setting it up and strapping him in just to wheel him down her driveway.

She’s really lovely but after 5 weeks all of it is getting a bit much. I thought by now I would be able to just hand him over, as you would expect mornings are a bit mad as I also have a 4 year old to get to school. All these extra caveats are starting to grate on me a little.

To add to this I’m not too sure about his meals. He has lunch at hers, but never what I would call a proper lunch - the diary entry says things like bread sticks, toast, pouches, fruit. I suppose I expected he would have something a bit healthier and hot.

Is this normal for a childminder?

Our childminder was the opposite. Incredibly warm.and family like approach which is why I chose her.

I remember once running from train because i was going to be slightly...like 2 mins...late...and she said please dont ever run here its totally unnecessary

This isnt about you being late and causinf her problems its about drop off and pick off slots being too rigid

Not normal at all.

When your child gets older he may have tantrums and you won't be able to get him to the childminder on time.

Also I didn't use a buggy so didn't leave one. I either drove so she was in a car seat, or wore a baby carrier when she was younger. Then when she could walk it was a balance bike - with me carrying her part way - then a bike.

When I used a childminder I could drop off any time after she opened at 8am - obviously I gave her an approximate time, say 8:45, but it varied at lot because I had a lot to get ready and sometimes other dropoffs. Arriving on time to the minute is unachievable IMO. Buggy thing is weird too unless she's going straight out. Food sounds ok if it's just lunch.

Mhhh I think this can only get harder when you will go back to work. I would not be happy about such strict times (plus the pushchair and food situation).
The nurseries I used were always quite flexible about drop offs and pick ups, with the only limits of opening and closing times - which is obviously understandable as staff is paid for a certain time. If we were early we had to wait until they opened the doors at 8am sharp, and they would charge if pick up was after 6pm (which thankfully never happened).
Now he's in school and there is a window of time to collect him, 10 minutes between opening and closing the gates - which again seems way more flexible than what your childminder offers.

I agree that it sounds like she is leaving them in the pushchairs for an extended amount of time and that's why the rules on drop off time / not coming in to the house / strapped in. It would be a big red flag for me.

I'm petty so I think my pushchair wheel would break for the next week or so until I can get it fixed, and see how she reacts.

Do you get to see inside her house? Sounds to me like someone hiding something / someone.... Very odd.

This is completely insane. Our childminders you can drop off anytime from 8am, pick up any time before 6. You pay a fee per half day/full day, so we can’t be early or late but they don’t dictate when we come. It varies massively one day to the next due to work and traffic and how badly the DC slept… when we have been late due to traffic (once) they have been so lovely about it and didn’t charge. This woman sounds really stressful to be around and I wouldn’t want her caring for my kids!

That's madness. It's illegal to text and drive, so is she saying you must arrive exactly 2 minutes before the exact drop off time in order to send her a text that you are 2 mins away? 🤔

Also the pushchair thing is wild! I just wouldn’t agree to that. Why are you going along with it? Another person telling you how to drop your child off and preventing you from saying a proper goodbye?

Pushchair thing is weird unless she's straight out for school run. A lot of childminders have door drop off only now including mine and the others around me.

That’s odd; I’ve used 4 childminders and they’ve never been rigid on drop off times, my DC at 8 and I’d be there any where between 8-8.10 and if later I’d text but that was courtesy. Same with pick up it’d be within a half an hour slot.
The buggy thing sounds a pain. I’d be looking elsewhere I think.

CM here & sounds a bit much to me re pick ups.
I open at 8, don't have anyone coming in before that as I'm busy with my own kids & setting up for the day but anytime after is fine - if you're very late I'd ask you to meet me if we've already gone out to park etc. At pick up , again as long as its not after my closing time of 6pm then it's whenever suits you - don't allow later as I'm usually straight out to run my own kids to their sports activities.
Id be questioning the buggy handover, never heard of any CMs do this except possibly during covid with low contact handovers.
Lunches - I provide just a packed lunch type option as we're so often out but at home it would be soup/sandwiches, beans on toast etc - but this is discussed with families before they start. If you're paying for a full meal & expecting it then you really need to discuss with her.

The time thing is so weird and precise, I couldn't cope. And no I wouldn't be using the buggy to literally take him from the car to the house.
Surprised childminder using pouches as seems expensive for food

My childminder wasn't like that at all.

Obviously we could not drop early or pick up late but it was a very relaxed and welcoming drop off and pick up.

We got a food menu each day. Breakfast was sometimes hot (porridge, eggs) lunch was always cold and dinner was always hot. But never baby food like pouches - always proper food.

If this isn't working for you now change it sooner rather than later before he gets too settled there.

She sounds absolutely batshit. I sent a screenshot of that to my childminder and she found it hilarious(ly ridiculous)

Thanks all seems I’m not expecting too much, rather she is! She is OFSTED inspected and came very recommended/experienced so just assumed it was the norm. I’ve booked a look around at a nursery next week as this just isn’t going to work for us long term I think.

That is so odd, and no I'd not stick with her. How was she on visits?

My cm is way more relaxed. Yes she needs to be out from 8.30 til 9am on the school run so she's quite open about the fact that if you aren't there before 8.30 then you'll have to wait for her to get back at 9am to drop off but that makes sense.

Yours sounds like a fucking nightmare tbh.

An exact - to the minute - drop off time is bonkers and not very realistic! Understandable she doesn’t want you dropping off early, dropping off late if that interferes with a school drop off, or picking up late. But a 15 min to half hour slot should be fine!
and the buggy thing would really piss me off.

That seems way too rigid. The lunch - what was discussed or advertised when you first found the childminder? Doesn't sound sufficient or healthy.

She is OFSTED inspected and came very recommended/experienced so just assumed it was the norm.

They have to be OFSTED inspected.

I’ve booked a look around at a nursery next week as this just isn’t going to work for us long term I think.

Just be careful there as well. If you don't like the vibe and the staff are all new don't send your son there.

A "Good" OFSTED rating hides multiple sins in anything they inspect.

Was it someone you know who recommended her? What's their thoughts on this?

No doesn't sound normal, if it's not working for you then change now so you can do a transition before going back to work.

@Childminderwoes Have you ever actually been IN her house when she was watching children? Like PPs I would be suspicious that perhaps the smaller children are all left in their pushchairs for quite a long time, especially at 'drop off' time. Maybe ok later in the day at 'pick-up' times? How many does she look after?

As a former childminder, parents arriving at the same time can make things a bit hectic but it's normally perfectly manageable.

My parents used to form a little queue on the driveway. 1 quick drop off with a "hello, how's everything this morning" and then onto the next one.

With the best will in the world no one's going to manage an accuracy of exactly to the minute, every day.

At 10 months old your baby may cry for a bit when dropped off. She's probably trying to avoid the crying while the others arrive. If that's the case I'd suggest a slightly later drop off to arrive after the others, as presumably you have some flexibility while still on ML. Alternatively a hand over in baby's car seat is probably more manageable than a buggy.

I've used childminders in the past and that us definitely not normal. If I were you I'd be looking for a new one for sure