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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

619 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

OP posts:
Peppapog263 · 30/01/2024 20:29

Yea it’s weird… mainly because you say you don’t know them or they you. If you were friendly and knew each other then it would be different. I have kids and I’d find it odd if a neighbour I didn’t talk to asked me to!

ClematisRock · 30/01/2024 20:30

I'd have told him to put her hair in bunches but you're clearly a really lovely person.

Yorkshiretearascal · 30/01/2024 20:30

Don't overthink it. Children that young definitely can't do their own hair, and certainly not plaits. The girl might always have a plait and not having a plait is obviously quite upsetting for her. As you said, the dad has his mind elsewhere. It's very kind of you to help them.

catmomma67 · 30/01/2024 20:30

personally i would find it weird that a strange person asked me to do their childs hair.. but, bless him, he's got a lot going on and he is obviously trying.. if you are happy to do it, then great, but if you are uncomfortable then be honest and open with him and i am sure he will appreciate it

Singleandproud · 30/01/2024 20:31

It's weird he asked you but I bet his never done his daughter's hair (he absolutely should learn) but it sounds like he is focussing on the details instead of the wider picture. It's a nice thing to do for the little girl and gives her some normalcy during a potentially scary time, so if it doesn't impact your day too much. Definitely weird if him not you though. Im sure the mum will just be happy someone did her hair how she likes it.

Splat92 · 30/01/2024 20:31

I would have said yes. She is only young and kids that age often like their routines so it may be important to her to have her hair done the same as mum does it.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 30/01/2024 20:32

Ah how lovely of you.

Yes, she could have bunches etc. But sometimes little things are a huge deal to a child, and nevermore so than during tough times like when a mother is away.

Musntapplecrumble · 30/01/2024 20:32

Aww it is a bit, praps Dad's really struggling, but not sure how you'll get out of it now...hope they're not late! 💆

JMSA · 30/01/2024 20:32

Definitely weird!
I have 3 daughters, and other than simple brushing and ponytails, they were left to their own devices with hair. I'm dyspraxic and could never get the hang of a plait.
That said, it wouldn't occur to me to ask a neighbour/stranger to do it Grin

Panterus · 30/01/2024 20:32

I find it very odd.

He could have learned to do a simple plait in minutes from a video online.

Feels like he's just outsourced it to the nearest woman.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/01/2024 20:32

Yorkshiretearascal · 30/01/2024 20:30

Don't overthink it. Children that young definitely can't do their own hair, and certainly not plaits. The girl might always have a plait and not having a plait is obviously quite upsetting for her. As you said, the dad has his mind elsewhere. It's very kind of you to help them.

This. However my DH could do DD's hair because he's an effective father and equal partner. Just finding any old woman to do his wife work for him is baffling to me. YouTube and WikiHow can be used for hair as well as engines.

JMSA · 30/01/2024 20:33

You're lovely for agreeing to do it though, even if you must have felt completely out on the spot! Flowers

JMSA · 30/01/2024 20:34

put on the spot

Mielbee · 30/01/2024 20:34

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

It is definitely weird but it sounds like dad and little girl are doing their best in a stressful situation, and it's coming out as weird behaviour. Presumably the little girl was very anxious about having her hair done for school and the dad came up with the best solution he knew how (note to self, make sure DH learns how to do our DD's hair when she has enough to do something with!). Of course, you didn't have to say yes, but it was kind of you to do so and hopefully might open up a (reciprocal) friendship if that's what you want.

Edited to add - if I were the mum I'd be glad you could help my little girl out, and think I definitely needed to teach my DH how to do it! And 5/6 year olds definitely wouldn't normally be able to do their own hair in my experience.

2Old2Tango · 30/01/2024 20:34

It is a little weird to ask a relative stranger to do this every morning. I would never impose on someone in this way and possibly inconvenience their morning.

Yes, he could put her hair in a ponytail for the few weeks mum will be away. Possibly they do the plait to restrict her hair movement. If her class has someone who regularly has head lice, then you don't want hair swinging about and getting too close to that child (some parents refuse to deal with their children's head lice). Maybe it's nothing of the sort and they just like their DD to have plaited hair.

BitzandBobs · 30/01/2024 20:35

It is a bit odd but seems harmless. Aside from the dad being incompetent and getting another female to do the work for him ( I may be projecting here but it has annoyed me on yours and his wifes behalf) I will give him the benefit of doubt and say maybe his daughter is really upset and he tried unsuccessfully to do it which to save meltdown he thought I will try the nearest person who can help me. I would help in this circumstance and I am sure the little girl will love you for it.

Hmmmmaybe · 30/01/2024 20:35

Of course he could learn to do it - he can’t be fucking bothered.

he’s just decided that you a RANDOM WOMAN WHO IS A STRANGER should do the Labour of looking after his own chilS because he chat be bothered

id do it because I’d it for the little girl - but that is why men get away with this shit

i would ask him lots of specific questions about why he is incapable of doing such a simple task

Owlsoutsidethewindow · 30/01/2024 20:36

No a 5/6 year old probably can't do it themselves.

It is weird that they've asked but looking at it from his perspective, having her hair plaited is a small amount of normality for the child and one less "out of the ordinary" thing for her. When I was in hospital, my daughter was asking for plaits, and DH felt awful that he couldn't do them for her. At possibly a worrying time for the DH, I think maybe he's just looking to hold on to a normal aspect of his child's expectation? To cheer her up? That is the only thing I can think of. He may be truly terrible at doing her hair and need a hand with it.

There is also a part of me that thinks he is a CF. Personally I think the little girl should have been prepared for her mum going in to hospital (it happens when you have a baby) and dad should have learnt how to do her hair.

Hmm...on the fence.

HeddaGarbled · 30/01/2024 20:36

Ah, if you can, I think that would be a lovely thing to do and could be the start of a really nice neighbourly relationship.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/01/2024 20:36

Hmmmmaybe · 30/01/2024 20:35

Of course he could learn to do it - he can’t be fucking bothered.

he’s just decided that you a RANDOM WOMAN WHO IS A STRANGER should do the Labour of looking after his own chilS because he chat be bothered

id do it because I’d it for the little girl - but that is why men get away with this shit

i would ask him lots of specific questions about why he is incapable of doing such a simple task

This. I cannot for a second imagine a woman finding a random male neighbour to do boy stuff with her son while dad is in the hospital.

Hmmmmaybe · 30/01/2024 20:36

It’s not harmless by the way - it’s attitudes like this which is why women are exploited the world over

imagibe how crap he would be to his wife

Tonkerbea · 30/01/2024 20:37

I remember my mum going into hospital for an op when I was 5/6. I missed her dreadfully, but I have a distinct memory of my hair not feeling right because she used to always french plait it for me, and dad had no idea how. You're doing a kindness for your neighbours child. Little things can have a big impact.

Birdh0use · 30/01/2024 20:37

Sounds like dad is end of his tether. I would happily do it. And might be the beginning of a lovely friendship with that little girl 😍ps I would ask dad to check with mum but expect she will be grateful

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/01/2024 20:37

It's weird and I would've offered to show him but declined doing it for him. Other hairstyles are available and I refuse to enable men to expect the nearest vagina to step in and care for their children.

FionnulaTheCooler · 30/01/2024 20:37

It is a bit weird. I didn't know how to do French braids, never having had long hair myself, but when my DD needed them for her dance class I watched a YouTube tutorial and then practiced on her until I got it right. I appreciate that their family is having a difficult time but it's a bit of an imposition expecting you to do it every day when I'm sure you have your own stuff going on in the mornings.