Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

619 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

OP posts:
floralrainbows · 30/01/2024 20:38

Hmmmmaybe · 30/01/2024 20:35

Of course he could learn to do it - he can’t be fucking bothered.

he’s just decided that you a RANDOM WOMAN WHO IS A STRANGER should do the Labour of looking after his own chilS because he chat be bothered

id do it because I’d it for the little girl - but that is why men get away with this shit

i would ask him lots of specific questions about why he is incapable of doing such a simple task

This. So much this.

cordiality · 30/01/2024 20:38

I think this is quite sweet, and I would be really flattered if I were asked to do this. Obviously the little girl has had a meltdown and is probably stressed about her mum/new baby. He may have offered to do the plaiting himself, but perhaps this was a better solution that his daughter felt comfortable with.

Just make sure you don't end up doing the plaiting once the new baby's arrived as well!

blackpanth · 30/01/2024 20:40

I don't think it's weird.

TokyoSushi · 30/01/2024 20:40

It's a bit weird, but really nice of you if you could help.

Agree it's annoying that men get away-- with this type of thing as well--

Amalienborg · 30/01/2024 20:41

It's very surprising but it's not weird. He's a dad trying to do his best, mum is in hospital, they have reached out for a bit of support to a neighbour (you!) who appears to be friendly. You agreeing to help is lovely and very neighbourly. Perhaps will be the beginning of a nice friendship with them all.

MintTwirl · 30/01/2024 20:41

A bit weird but maybe she was upset because she is used to having her hair plaited for school (kids can focus on strange things sometimes) and dad has no idea . I’d do it though.

AnglepoisePond · 30/01/2024 20:42

Deeply weird. Well, not so much weird as a combination of helpless and entitled.

’Hi, virtual stranger whose name I don’t even know, I’m so unashamed at my own incompetence at performing a basic daily childcare task for my child in the absence of my wife that I’m prepared to ask you to do it every single day, and I’m ignoring your demonstration because I don’t want to learn, I want you to do it.’

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/01/2024 20:44

blackpanth · 30/01/2024 20:40

I don't think it's weird.

If a woman asked a random male neighbour to do personal care/parenting for her boy because her DH was in hospital, every morning, you wouldn't think it was weird?

Woman aren't the support staff for the world. I mean, I know we are but we shouldn't be.

Needmorelego · 30/01/2024 20:44

Is your own hair usually in nice fancy plaits ?
The little girl might not know you other than "the lady next door" but she might (in her little mind) think of you as "the lady next door with nice hair" so she thought of you.
It's quite sweet in a - yes a little bit weird - way.

Firefly1987 · 30/01/2024 20:44

I think it's odd he asked you if he knows you don't have kids. I don't have any and wouldn't have a clue how to do a decent plait. I only ever had one done at the hairdressers! My mum and nana never put my hair in a plait. I know roughly how to do it but not how to make it look good or do the type that goes right from the top of the head. I also don't think it's possible to do one on yourself is it? He probably assumes it's something all women can do though, glad it wasn't me he asked!

lantone · 30/01/2024 20:45

It's weird and frankly quite lazy and insulting to dole out the task to the nearest female. I'm afraid I wouldn't have agreed to do it on those grounds myself. DD is 5 and I just put her hair in a ponytail for school, I occasionally plait it but a ponytail is quicker. DH has never learned how to plait it but I'm confident that if he was in this situation he'd learn from a YouTube video and would never consider asking a random person to do it.

Beginningless · 30/01/2024 20:45

Hmmmmaybe · 30/01/2024 20:35

Of course he could learn to do it - he can’t be fucking bothered.

he’s just decided that you a RANDOM WOMAN WHO IS A STRANGER should do the Labour of looking after his own chilS because he chat be bothered

id do it because I’d it for the little girl - but that is why men get away with this shit

i would ask him lots of specific questions about why he is incapable of doing such a simple task

Exactly. What a twat. My kids have a sweet book called ‘hair love’ about a dad who does a shit job of his daughter’s hair but then tries and tries again until he nails it. Maybe buy them that as a gift when this is over. And if you feel like it, be a friend to her, as she’ll need one with that lazy twat in tow.

OurfriendsintheNE · 30/01/2024 20:48

Weird. Entitled.

Could he not just put it in a ponytail?
Yep, or watch a YouTube video and spend 5 mins learning himself. But that would be a lot of effort when he could just co-opt a random female whose name he doesn’t even know to do it for him until his support female returns.

Original poster
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:49

Thank you all. I feel a lot better about it now.

They are always polite and friendly. Seem like a genuinely nice happy family but it's usually just hello, lovely say or a bit of a cold one etc. Basic chit chat.

In fairness, I don't know how sick his wife is and I don't know if they have a support network locally.

He seemed stressed rather than misogynistic and was if you don't mind and very much about his daughter.

It's a city apartment block, very few families and I am the only woman on this floor.

@Needmorelego now that you mention it. I met the girl and her mum in the lift one day and did say something about her hair being lovely and she did comment that mine was nice too but not as long as hers yet!! It might actually be the daughter's suggest rather than his.

To the posters saying I'm lovely to help. I'm not. I just didn't have a clue how to react so said yes without thinking!

OP posts:
HotToes · 30/01/2024 20:49

What else could I say?
No, sorry I have to get to work on time. Why don't you put it in a pony tail instead.

Is this normal and ok?
No

Will the mum be ok with it?
Probably not. I would be suspicious of my husband if he asked this if a female.

Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves?

No, too young.

Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Yes he should.

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it.

It's not normal, you're not overthinking it. Listen to your gut. Trust your instincts.

girljulian · 30/01/2024 20:49

Of course it’s weird. He probably doesn’t think it’s weird and I’m sure his heart is in the right place, but as others have said, he’s trying to outsource something he’s decided is a Woman’s Job to a complete stranger rather than learning to do it himself. I’d have said I don’t know how to do a plait but there’s probably a YouTube video that would show him — and possibly also ask why he thought I would, just to see if he could come up with an answer other than “you’re a woman”. (I genuinely don’t know how to do one.)

Alwaystired2023 · 30/01/2024 20:51

Defo not normal but also something I would agree to do, why not and so kind to help them in this time of need (need of plaits)

Livilalaland567 · 30/01/2024 20:51

Bit weird but I'd do it as long as I had to be up and dressed anyway.

It may have been less weird for him to ask a teacher at school.

Dacadactyl · 30/01/2024 20:51

I think it is slightly odd to ask a stranger to do your child's hair, however, I'd be delighted if a neighbour i didnt know asked me to do it. Just because it's a way of building good relationships with the parents of the child and you'll never know when you'll need a favour from them in return.

I think it's nice to have a community around you.

DinaofCloud9 · 30/01/2024 20:52

I'd do it once showing the dad exactly what to do for the future.

Hmmmmaybe · 30/01/2024 20:52

@Dacadactyl a community of women doing child care for men they don’t know because that man can’t be fucked to learn how to brunch hair?

PlumpAndGrump · 30/01/2024 20:54

A little odd but clearly they have no one else to turn to. They must be desperate and going through this difficult time. This may be the start of a friendship if you do this for them. It's nice to be neighbourly

RandomUsernameHere · 30/01/2024 20:54

Yes it is a bit weird. He should just put his daughter's hair in a ponytail, surely he can manage that. Unless the school has a rule that requires hair to be plaited, but I've never heard of that being a thing before.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/01/2024 20:55

He seemed stressed rather than misogynistic

Sexist rather than misogynistic I'd say.

Hmmmmaybe · 30/01/2024 20:55

i can GUARANTEE you that if it was a boy and he needed help with some manly task like i dunno bike riding he would NOT have asked a random stranger who was male to help his son

he sees women as a vast pool of free labour - as do many of the women in this thread

community is great - community where women do all the work to support men is NOT great