Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

Perfectly normal. Do it. Fantastic, you are doing it. Hope it all goes well.

He’s asking for help, and if you can help him out in a tiny way, do so. Wife in hospital, baby due - sure, he could Google it, but it’s the little things that paralyse people when they’re in a moment of crisis.

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees
I think it's lovely of you to agree to do the little girls hair for her and like other PPs have said this my be the start of a new neighbourly friendship

I would do it if I knew how to do a decent plait! It does sound like the dad is trying to build a little bit of resillience in their support network, which is maybe not a bad thing if it goes both ways.

I'm glad you're doing it op.
He's probably stressed as anything, his pregnant wife is unexpectedly in hospital, not the best time to be trying to learn from YouTube tutorials.
This thread has actually made me sad, so many suspicious, insular, ungiving people. Talk about love thine neighbour.

Absolutely this!! Haha why is he getting such a free pass?
I'm sure he's got a lot on his plate but he's not the one in hospital and it's literally plait he could learn in 5 mins from you tube.
He could ask his child teacher which would be far more appropriate than expecting a stranger to do it every morning?!

This ! I’d refuse for the presumption alone

This is true in a way. I want to say take it as a compliment that he has obviously seen you regularly and thinks of you as a trustworthy neighbour to have thought to ask. Although it is that thing where when the woman is unavailable for any reason, about 5 people step in to do her job but if the man was unavailable it generally means the woman does both jobs. We do tend to take pity on the poor man being left alone with the kids when really he should be able to at least do something with her hair.

He is obviously a bit distressed though so I would step in and do it for an easy life. Next time you need your bin taken out, odd jobs doing etc just pop over and say your partner is away, could he do it? 😂

This is exactly what I thought. Another fucking useless dickhead 🙄

Lets not pretend that men are held to the same standard when it comes looking after children. It's sexism, plain and simple.

It would never be acceptable for a woman to ask the same in a similar scenario, she'd be called an awful parent for letting a stranger near her child. Hell, a woman can't even go to work without someone telling her that she's leaving her child with strangers.

So what is a woman who cannot plait? Another fucking useless pussyhead?

Chill, unless your partner has been seriously unwell enough to be in the hospital and you are home with small children fearing the worst you are in no position to be such a judgey pants.

@SummerFeverVenice it's not about him not being able to do a plait and you know it. It's about him seeing women as a pool of people who exist to help/serve him. No way would he have asked another man to plait his daughter's hair. It's nice that the OP agreed, but he's still an entitled twat, stressful situation or not.

I've got a neighbour who can't sew, really really can't sew. She has tried, I've seen her efforts over the years and they are all truly rubbish. So if she has something that needs a mend or a button putting on she brings it to me. Not because I have a vagina but because I have a well equipped sewing box and the skill to use it. Usually, the next time she goes to the cake shop, she brings me a small treat. Back in the bad old days we called this being a good neighbour.

It would be acceptable to me because I ascribe to neighbourly values. You thinking it wouldn’t be, doesn’t make it so for everyone.,

And frankly insisting on men being martyrs who can’t ask a neighbour for a hand during a family crisis just like many women martyr themselves feel they have to do isn’t the right way to address that form of sexism where it exists in your world.

It’s deciding sexism is soooo great let’s make men suffer just as much as some women have while any children are just collateral damage because the important thing is not to make things better for women, but to make them just as shitty for men. Equality is dragging everyone down into the shit with your approach.

And this is today's society.... We don't interact with those around us.

From my village upbringing and serving with kids, this is really a non issue, he's reaching out for help.

When DH became SAHD I used to get videos of him doing her hair with the hoover!!!! 😂

That’s a massive extrapolation. Perhaps the girl prefers a female to dress her hair? Why is your assumption that because he is a man, he must be a misogynistic twat?

Oh this just feels so unkind.

But it isn't about asking 'a neighbour'. OP is the only woman on their floor, it's about asking the nearest vagina because anything child related = woman's job.

We need to stop enabling it and men need to step up and learn how to plait or whatever it may be if it is important to their children. Or at least not expect the nearest woman to solve their issue.

I know right? His pregnant wife has been suddenly admitted to hospital and is seriously unwell but a poster thinks the right thing to do is to “ask him lots of specific questions about why he is incapable of doing such a simple task”

Er, maybe he can’t right now because he is terrified his wife might die, and/or the baby with her and he might be facing telling his very young DD she has no mother?

Like, man up, men can’t have feelings of worry or concern so bad they find themselves in need of support for anything.

I'd wonder why the hell he would assume I could do his daughter's hair if I didn't have any of my own.

Yes, in your mind it is about that. YOUR IMAGINATION. This doesn’t make it true or his thought process at all.

I can’t believe you are making this into some take a stand for feminism by refusing to help a neighbour simply because he’s a man asking a woman, oh excuse me, “a vagina” for help.

What you don’t have any hair of your own?

@readytoweep of course it feels unkind - because women are raised to think of they don’t do whatever any man asks them to do they’re being mean

i read thread after thread on here of women on their knees looking after their children without support - do you think they’d knock on the door of the nearest man and ask if he can do something for their kids?

it’s just a reflection of how women are the default go to when someone’s needs looking after

do you think any of the men in the apartment block are going to be popping a hot meal?

that said - i still think the OP should do it if she wants because it sounds like the girl woild appreciate it

he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it.

I'd definitely nip that in the bud sharpish. He thinks he is too important to learn to look after his DD and wants to off load the task to you.

I'm sorry, what??

In your world it's perfectly normal to randomly knock on someone's door who you hardly know, and ask them to sort your kid's hair out?

Blimey.