Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

The dad might be completely beside himself with worry and not have the headspace to think straight.

I mean, you could look at it that way, but that's not how I see the world. And I think it's sad that people are getting the hump about it tbh.

Why not help a neighbour out?

I wouldn't be getting my knickers in a twist about them asking "just because I'm a woman".

@PlumpAndGrump is brushing hair a task that needs to be turned to somewhere?

Its weird. If you arent going to say you've changed your mind, make sure you make him stay whilst you do it.

How sad that this man’s request to a neighbour can’t just be taken at face value.
The little girl probably admired your hair. You must have made an impact on her when you chatted with her mum.
Probably it’s her suggestion that the lovely lady she and mum chat with can help fix her hair when her mummy is away, for a few days. The dad must be feeling desperate to ask.
Full marks to you for being a good neighbour.
If he starts making other requests you know I have got it wrong!
😁

Oh, and I'd be straight round to theirs next time I needed a shelf putting up. So shoot me!

Definitely weird. I’m a primary school teacher and have often done the hair of children in my class in similar situations but really strange to ask a complete stranger!

I think it's sad that the dad has never bothered to learn how to plait his daughters hair.

YouTube exists, as do other hairstyles.

Men shouldn't be enabled to be useless. Women do that enough as it is.

Nope

I still don't think it's weird*

Its unusual in this world, where we all keep ourselves to ourselves in fierce independence, and act like the smallest service requested by another human being is either a huge burden designed to subjugate us, or a precursor to some unknown but unquestionably malign intent. However unusual doesn't mean its wrong. Its a couple of minutes of your time and may help a child a great deal at a time when she's likely to be upset and anxious about her mum.

People do weird things when they’re under stress. I would wonder whether this was a roundabout way of trying to find someone nearby to connect with during a time of need. If they don’t have much of a support network maybe he’s worried about what he’ll do if there’s an emergency with his wife and he’s called off suddenly. He’s trying to make a connection more generally but is too embarrassed to say he needs help? Daughter could have suggested it but he has seized on it as a way to feel less on his own?

We were casual friends with neighbours in our old place and they were lovely. I did once ring the bell just to cry at them because I was postpartum and had no one else in that moment. They were out so the moment passed but that was a bit of a weird thing to do which I did because it was all getting too much.

a single dad asked me to do this at church a few weeks back. I don't think it's weird as a one-off. I do think maybe it's a bit rude to ask you to do it every day.

When my mum gave birth to my brother and had complications, i was at home alone with my dad for 3 hours before he couldnt open my lunch box and didnt know what to do with my hair. I went to work with him for 6 days instead of school and the women in the office looked after me 😂 wouldve loved if a neighbour helped him or me out! Id definitley do it, no questions asked.

Oh come onnnnnn!

This is 💯 weird!! He might have a lot on his plate but put your hand up if you would EVER consider knocking on a random neighbour’s door and asking them to plait your kid’s hair…

Anyone???

No I thought not lol

This!

I think it's so lovely of you to do op and I bet it's not forgotten

I doubt he's the practical type

Really kind and I would have said yes too.

If you do a tight plait, it should stay in for a few days. I don't redo mine every day

I think they'll all be really grateful you've agreed to help out. With mum suddenly not there, they need to try and keep things as normal as possible for the little girl. And maybe it's a chance to get to know them a bit better - and who knows when you might need a favour. Somebody has to be the first to break the ice by asking!

(I remember going away for a week when DD was that age. I told DH that if he took her hairbrush with them when they went to school, I was sure that one of the other mums would do her hair for her in the playground, because I knew he struggled with it. School photos happened while I was away - and I could tell he hadn't asked!)

You can’t guarantee this, what a load of rubbish.

You sound so desperate to see the misogyny in this.

It’s really not that unusual for men who have never had long hair to lack confidence with long plaits. It’s also not that unusual for parents to have different roles at home, the fact that he might not have mastered plaits doesn’t make him sexist or a bad person.

It is unusual that he’s asked someone he doesn’t know to do it, but maybe they would like to know their neighbours better and he wants to find a way to help his little girl who may be quite anxious about her mum. A bit of consistency with her hair may be important to her.

This.

and why isn't it unusual? Usually down to stereotypical gender roles which are based on sexism.

If his daughters hair is important to her then he needs to learn. It isn't rocket science.

When I was 7 my mum went to her home country for a month and my dad asked my teacher to plait my hair every day, which she did 🤷‍♀️

This could be the beginning of him outsourcing childcare/housework/babysitting to you.
Be wary and be prepared to say no as it can escalate quickly.