Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

That was still lazy of him but at least your teacher wasn’t a rando

Learned helplessness or deliberate ineptness really bugs me in men.

Even if I accepted this, do you really think an emergency situation (mum is hospital etc) is the perfect time to learn?

I mean, I'm sure I could change a tyre if I watched enough youtube, but if my husband was in hospital, it wouldn't be my top priority and I'd be knocking on next door for help.

FWIW, my husband isn't useless by any stretch (altho we do generally speaking have traditional gender roles) but he struggled massively with doing DDs hair for dancing when I worked weekends and the bun was never up to scratch...no matter how many times I showed him.

It is quite weird... but it's so nice that you are helping this little girl whose mum is ill and whose dad is odd and struggling. Kind people can make all the difference to a child's life.

@SouthLondonMum22 Yes, sometimes and somethings obviously do have roots in outdated roles.
Sometimes people have different strengths.
You don’t have enough information from this post to judge this man, and judging someone during a stressful time is never a good look.

It’s a bit odd but I would have said yes too. When I was about 6 my mum went to hospital and my dad swung round to his workplace every morning to get a lovely receptionist to do my hair before school! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm just trying to imagine a mother taking her daughter to a relatively unknown neighbour to do her hair, and failing.

You saying yes to doing it, perfectly normal. I’d be glad that my DD (same age) is getting her hair done how she likes it as she’s quite particular and would be upset about mummy not being able to do it.

If neighbour was my DH though, I’d be pissed that he couldn’t be bothered to learn how to plait her hair and had imposed on our neighbour to do it for him. That’s not her job, it’s his. My Dad wound up a single parent to me back in the olden days before the internet, and he paid the hairdresser to teach him how to do French plaits so he could do them for us. Perhaps I’m being unfair to him, but I feel like it’s a bit of a cop out on his part!

My mum couldn't do a French plait so my friend's mum would do it in the playground before they let us in, if I wanted one that day 🤷‍♀️ ots not that weird.

It's a bit odd, yes, but I also think it's quite sweet!

It isn't the perfect time but then he should already know. If he doesn't know, then another hairstyle would be perfectly fine as would looking it up on YouTube if the plaits are important to her.

I bet if he had to do buns every weekend, he soon would've got it with more practice and no one doing it for him.

Google 'hair love' and send to him!

I agree

If you are going to do woman's work for this man ensure he will do blue jobs for you - un clogging loos, driving heavy things to the dump for you, putting your new flat pack together etc!

OP offered to show him and he wasn't interested, that's enough for me. He expected it to be done for him.

Again, plaits aren't difficult and if it was so important to his daughter then a decent father would know how to do them. Not expect the nearest woman to do it for him.

This.
I did very similar for a little girl at school a few years ago. Her mum was working away and her dad just couldn't grasp plaiting it - he washed and dried it beautifully but just couldn't do the plait - so i did it for her. She's always remembered, she's a customer of mine now and she always mentions it when I see her. It's the little things.

None of us know if he spent an hour with a YouTube video trying to work it out with his daughter getting upset that he was doing it wrong, before he knocked on OPs door in desperation

Whatever the circumstances, he was stressed and his daughter was upset so I would cut the guy some slack.

Yes it is a bit of a weird things to ask but if it is something OP can do without it being a huge inconvenience it is a lovely thing to be able to do to help.

You sound nice. This man (and the similar ones mentioned on this thread) sounds pathetic.

Yes it's weird and I think the Dad is being cheeky to outsource doing this daughters hair to a strange woman. Can't men do hair? My son in law does his daughter's hair.

I taught DP to plait his daughter's hair. He's cackhanded at the best of times, but learning to do it with one eye on Youtube and one on a wriggling 3 year old who was worried he'd pull at her hair, yelling that he was hurting her (he wasn't, the first wails came before he'd even lifted the brush) and also wanted to watch TV, go and play with the cat and wittering about seeing her friends but was also determined that she wanted a plait, just the same as Mummy did for her, wasn't going to be pleasant for either of them. It's not as if he had any hair of his own to practice on, in any case. Showed him a couple of times and then he did it for her, as she was then confident that he knew what he was doing and wouldn't hurt her, as was he.

It's not the weirdest thing, it was likely the only idea he had when she was near a tantrum/explosion/crying I WANT MUMMY - 'What about if I ask the nice lady to help us?', thinking 'Woman seems nice, woman has long hair, maybe she knows how to do plaits?' - and he was right, you're nice and know how to do plaits and it cut off a falling to the floor crying episode when they're both least able to manage it.

It's not so much, in my opinion, outsourcing wife work as it is referring to an expert in something he has not got experience, knowledge or confidence in - and you can show him so he can carry on doing it long after the urgency has passed.

Surely it doesnt need plaiting every day? My DD can leave her plaits in for at least 3 days and it still looks nice

You are being really nice. And honestly - as the child of someone whose dad did her hair - she’d have disaster hair otherwise! So it’s a nice thing to do for a little girl.

But Jesus Christ men! Imagine a woman doing this?

Thank goodness there was a WOMAN nearby to help him!

Out of interest can your DH do them now?

My daughter always used to go to her dad to do her hair, plaits or bunches as I didn't do it neat enough for her. Not dear daughter I am NOT going spend 20 minutes on a busy school run morning, making sure your parting is exactly straight!

Her dad was far more patient and much better.

Personally I don’t find this weird or sexist, I think it’s just human, especially in the context of you previously having spoken to the girl about her hair. I just see this as a parent in a high stress situation and they reached out to someone nearby who seems friendly and trustworthy for help to do what they think is best for their child. How many times have we heard of someone struggling through a stressful situation and said “why didn’t you just ask? I would have helped!”

I’m friendly with all my current and previous neighbours - they’ve all been such mutually beneficial relationships, I would never say no to helping someone so close with anything that I had the skills or time to help with! You never know when you might appreciate their help in return!

Good on you for saying yes, OP, and keeping some normalcy for this little girl at an anxious time!