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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is probably the worst mistake ever

236 replies

Justbreakingnow · 30/01/2024 14:47

I know, it’s not forever, but does anyone enjoy this? Memories become hazy over the years and it’s easy to remember the baby days as this lovely simple time. Mine just cries and cries relentlessly. Won’t feed and won’t really interact with anything.

So I’ve just lost it. I’ve screamed and screamed and put the baby somewhere I can’t hear and I don’t care. It feels a bit like -
well, I’ve tried all day to comfort and got nowhere so is there actually any point? I’m miserable and I can’t see forwards.

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 30/01/2024 14:48

Is there someone you can call to come and help you? It sounds like you need a hug and some help.

Is the baby somewhere safe?

Original poster
Justbreakingnow · 30/01/2024 14:50

Safe just screaming, as always 🙄

No, there’s no one. I am really fed up and miserable today. I hate losing my temper and I never feel good after it but I have absolutely nothing left to give.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 30/01/2024 14:51

Ah op, everyone has a breaking point and listening to relentless crying is horrific. You're not the only one that's struggling with this. There's nothing wrong with placing baby somewhere safe like their cot and stepping outside for a few minutes to clear your head.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to ring someone and ask them to come round and relieve you for an hour or so. Do you have family etc nearby who can come and give you a break? God knows we all need a break at times as parents- it's how we survive.

Is baby somewhere safe?

Lavender14 · 30/01/2024 14:53

Just saw your update op. Would it be within your means to hire a nanny for the odd bit of babysitting if you don't have family to help out? Is there family etc you could go stay with for a day or two?

There's different options for family support out there that your health visitor could set you up with if you'd feel able to talk to her about what you're feeling? As I said everyone feels this way at some point so there's no shame in being honest about it, that's a really positive thing being able to say you need help.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 30/01/2024 14:54

If you have no one to come round is there anyone you could call?

As long as baby is safe, take a breath to yourself.

I remember how you feel very well, it’s incredibly hard xx

CharlesChickens · 30/01/2024 14:55

Is this every day or just today ? I assume you have had your baby checked over by the GP?
I found the only way to feel calmer on difficult baby days was to just get out and walk. Baby in a sling, or later in a pushchair, walk and walk, get a coffee, walk more. Just being outside calmed me down and the movement usually sent my baby to sleep or at least acted as a distraction.

HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 30/01/2024 14:56

My youngest was very much like this, it’s exhausting and you have my sympathy.

How old is your baby?

Unfortunately when you have a baby who is like this day in, day out it is so hard. I always felt like the advise to leave them to cry for a couple of minutes was all well and good and probably a great reset if it’s just a tough day, but wheb this is what your life is constantly it’s not a great help in terms of bringing your stress levels down. Obviously you should still take these breaks but I’m just saying, I know how you feel!

Loop earplugs are meant to be great at taking the edge of the noise - they don’t cut all sound out so you can still hear & respond to them but it’s not so overwhelming when you’re listening to it constantly.

Makeitmakesensetoday · 30/01/2024 14:56

Hire a nanny 🙄 how very mumsnet

OP is there a partner/mum/dad/siblings/cousins/friends of any kind?? Even a friendly work colleague?! I would run to the aid of a woman at breaking point in this situation. Definitely be noisy- get hold of your GP, midwife (if still applicable) and health visitor. Quite often the baby has hidden tongue tie/colic/reflux etc and that needs checking. You also need checking and looking after to make sure you can cope. It does get better x

lirp · 30/01/2024 14:57

My eldest cried day and night. Probably for about two years. Didn't sleep, either.

Broke me mentally, physically and emotionally. Still feel dead inside and they're 4 now.

Used to feel like I was the only one going through it because everyone else would post these cute pictures on social media of their perfect children.

It was shit. I hated every single second of it. Accidentally done it again and the second experience was much better with a much more chilled baby.

But yes, it isn't perfect for lots and lots of mums. Sending hugs and lots of solidarity. X

Original poster
Justbreakingnow · 30/01/2024 14:57

We really have no one. That’s kind of why I’m venting on here, because I don’t have any RL people I can offload to (and it’s anonymous!) It feels horrible admitting I feel like I have my baby sometimes and of course I don’t really. I just wish she was happier.

OP posts:
Luckydog7 · 30/01/2024 14:57

My mil used to put DH in the garage because he screamed relentlessly for 6 months. Take a few minutes to calm down as long as baby is safe.

Longer term I think you need to work how you can get some respite. Talk to family or DP to see if they can take the baby for regular periods or if you mental health is being affected then the GP. My sister had a relentless baby and I struggled just being around him for a few hours, he had colic. does baby seem in discomfort?

MidnightPatrol · 30/01/2024 14:57

I had a baby just like this, so you have my sympathies.

Even now I see people sitting in restaurants while their baby sleeps in the pram and think… what?! Mine never did that.

Have you got a sling? I found mine was most happy in a sling and then would stop crying.

It was pretty miserable though. They did turn into a very cheerful child eventually.

Minfilia · 30/01/2024 14:58

It sounds to me like you did exactly the right thing. It’s fine to step away for a breather.

Have you checked for tongue tie, colic, reflux etc? It isn’t usual for a baby not to feed and to cry constantly and it could be a fixable medical issue. Worth checking if you haven’t already.

And it does get easier. I found the first 6 weeks the worst.

WolvesDiscoandBoogaloo · 30/01/2024 14:58

I think more people do this than you'd ever imagine. I had one that wouldn't settle. There were a couple of times I felt like I'd actually gone insane because it wouldn't stop.

I know you've probably tried everything, but have you tried playing very loud white noise (you can find ambient noise apps easily or there's plenty on YouTube) to see if that will settle the baby? Also, any chance of getting the baby to take a dummy? That can really help.

Octavia64 · 30/01/2024 14:59

I had twins.

When one wasn't screaming the other was.

I definitely had times where I left them somewhere safe and needed to take 5 mins in the garden to just calm down.

They did stop screaming.

Get some respite if you can. Other people if possible, or mine screamed less in a swing. They also liked random middle of the night TV.

Wishthiswasntmypost · 30/01/2024 14:59

If I was close by I'd come and give you a break. Post on Facebook community groups (you can be anonymous) ask8ng for advice on mum and baby support. You will find other mums keen to help or join you for support. It makes life so much easier to share this

candaby653 · 30/01/2024 15:02

Just remember you if they are in a safe warm place with a clean nappy and full tummy, then letting them scream for five min while you take a breather won't hurt them.

Babies feed off your energy so if you are stressed out of your mind they can sense it.

Take five, relax then go back and try again.

It will get easier

LastRites · 30/01/2024 15:04

I didn’t have screamers but I did hate the baby stage, so not all mums enjoy it! Mine are a lot older now and a joy - an absolute joy. I’m actually quite a good mum as it turns out 😂 Get through this bit and it won’t feel like a mistake; remember most of us don’t choose to have babies - we choose to have children. Babies are a means to an end!

Zimunya · 30/01/2024 15:04

Ah OP. I absolutely feel for you. I adore my daughter now, but for the first six months of her life I honestly felt like we'd made a terrible mistake in having her. Nothing ever comforted her, no matter what! I had to put her somewhere safe and walk away a few times. You are not doing anything wrong or badly - babies are just different. Sending you a huge hug. Maybe all the picture perfect babies now will be hellish teenagers and yours will be lovely.

WhichIsItWendy · 30/01/2024 15:06

Babies are HARD work!

If you can, I'd get baby in the pram and go for a walk. Fresh air may make you both feel a little better. It's very hard and not all parents enjoy this stage, I know I didn't. For me, the best age is 2.5years+ when they start becoming funny and you can have a good chat.

Hang in there, you're not alone.

Flamme · 30/01/2024 15:07

If there are any mother and baby groups near you, join up. It helps to go out with a definite destination in mind and to be able to talk to someone other than the baby, and it definitely helps to talk to people who are going through or have gone through similar.

Also talk to your health visitor, if you have one, to look into whether the baby might have something like colic or a dairy allergy.

AngeloMysterioso · 30/01/2024 15:07

Oh gosh I was where you are. In our case I ended up spending a lot of time with DS in a sling/carrier, earphones in, and loud, LOUD music playing to drown out the howling. Quite often I would even sleep sitting in an armchair with him in the sling.

Where do you live? See if the charity Home Start has a branch near you- we’ve had a lovely volunteer come and visit us for nearly 2 years now and she’s been an absolute godsend.

KickboxingWanker · 30/01/2024 15:09

My lo was like this it’s bloody hard work.

mine had severe silent reflux so wouldn’t feed because it hurt so screamed and also screamed because he was hungry.

have you been to the Drs with your lo? Do they arch back, go red and sweaty?

it does pass once mine was in the correct reflux meds it was easier.

how old is your baby?

Sapphire387 · 30/01/2024 15:11

Bless you, OP. It's fucking hard. Is this your first? How old is she?

I'm on my third... she's a chilled out baby as was my second... but my first was very 'high needs' as a baby.

It's also hard feeling so alone and without support. Do you have a husband/partner coming home later or is it just you?

It will pass. Honestly, it will. It just feels like forever at the time.

My littlest girl is six months old now, and I feel no shame in sticking her in front of CBeebies at times. Do ANYTHING (safe!) that works to get you through.

And I agree with getting her checked out... there could be something simple that could be changed for her and it's worth investigating.