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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is probably the worst mistake ever

236 replies

Justbreakingnow · 30/01/2024 14:47

I know, it’s not forever, but does anyone enjoy this? Memories become hazy over the years and it’s easy to remember the baby days as this lovely simple time. Mine just cries and cries relentlessly. Won’t feed and won’t really interact with anything.

So I’ve just lost it. I’ve screamed and screamed and put the baby somewhere I can’t hear and I don’t care. It feels a bit like -
well, I’ve tried all day to comfort and got nowhere so is there actually any point? I’m miserable and I can’t see forwards.

OP posts:
Datafan55 · 30/01/2024 16:08

TikiCoconut576 · 30/01/2024 15:01

Have you got a home start where you are? They might be able to help
https://www.home-start.org.uk/pages/category/things-we-can-help-with

some babies are harder than others, I hope it improves for you soon

I was literally about to post the same.

listsandbudgets · 30/01/2024 16:09

Oh OP I remember those days with DS especially. They can go for hours and hours and nothing you do seems to resolve it.

Please don't be cross with yourself or feel you've made an awful mistake. You've done the right thing by putting baby somewhere safe and stepping away for a little bit. Sometimes I found when I did this they'd actually give up yelling and go to sleep.

I can see you posted a couple of hours ago now but I wanted to reassure you that you're doing fine, you've not made a mistake, stepping away for a bit was the right thing and by the way you're only human. You probably both needed the break from each other. Mine are 11 and 18 now and thankfully those days are mainly gone (still the odd strop!!)

I'm sorry you've had such a rubbish day Flowers The weather is getting better now so soon you'll be able to sling them in the pram and take them for a wander - IME they seemed to enjoy the view and got distracted from all that screaming

AnotherDayOfSun · 30/01/2024 16:12

OP, I totally understand where you are coming from, but do you check on her often? Sometimes babies cry just to cry, but other times they cry because something is wrong, like if something has fallen into the cot or if they have twisted themselves into an uncomfortable position. Hope you can relax and recharge, all new mums need that :)

Tlittle · 30/01/2024 16:12

Big hugs. It is hard isn't it?
I had my eldest and then 12 years later twins after lots of ivf. It was so hard and I used to think what have I done! They screamed, wouldn't feed. As above if are they clean and fed you can take a breather for your own sanity.
They are 10 now and don't scream so much now so there is hope. Good luck. x

listsandbudgets · 30/01/2024 16:13

PS Just seen some of your other posts and I see you've been busy walking.

I'm sorry if I missed anyone suggesting it but I found another thing that would sometimes help is if I took a bath WITH baby

BarryfromWatford · 30/01/2024 16:17

Yes I remember that.
No idea what we were doing with our first, I even started smoking again just to hide out in the garden away from it all.
I will say however once I set up a routine ( thanks Gina Ford ) I actually started having a life again and preempted the crying sessions completely. Even with twins.

So if you’re desperate and you sound very close to breaking point ignore all the ‘babies don’t do routines’ cries from others and get the book
The Contented little baby by Gina Ford
They do do routines and she will help you spot that.

Good luck OP!!

Hankunamatata · 30/01/2024 16:17

Sure Start saved my sanity I there's one near you

Original poster
Justbreakingnow · 30/01/2024 16:17

Trust me, she doesn’t like anything. She can be distracted with a walk but that’s about it and she’s probably hungry now but I’m a bit fed up of her barely feeding so I think I’m going to start waiting until she really is hungry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justbreakingnow · 30/01/2024 16:20

Gina Ford won’t work for her. She recommends massive feeds and she barely drinks 3oz at a time. I know some swear by it though.

OP posts:
Goinggreymammy · 30/01/2024 16:23

Justbreakingnow · 30/01/2024 16:17

Trust me, she doesn’t like anything. She can be distracted with a walk but that’s about it and she’s probably hungry now but I’m a bit fed up of her barely feeding so I think I’m going to start waiting until she really is hungry.

This is very tough. I know the feeling like nothing you do is helping... so what do you do??!!

Just on the barely feeding thing..... maybe try feeding her when she is half asleep, before she wakes properly, or even try it at a different time... maybe before her nap etc. I had 2 babies that refused feeds and it is so upsetting. Sometimes changing timings around helped a bit, and feeding them when not fully wakened up, so they wouldn't fight it and it might be a slightly less stressful experience.

SpringleDingle · 30/01/2024 16:24

Have you considered reflux? I had a reflux baby and she screamed ALL the time and never slept. Everytime she moved she vomited and screamed (although silent reflux can mean they swallow the vomit so you just see the screaming). The GP were useless but luckily we saw a paediatrician for something else who instantly diagnosed reflux (and Sandifers sydrome specifically). We got some meds that sort of helped a bit but she was still a sicky and screamy child. Eventually it stopped around aged 2. She is a delightful 12 year old now but I never had another baby!

BarryfromWatford · 30/01/2024 16:24

Maybe she only drinks a little because there’s no routine.
As Ford has experience with hundreds of babies at this stage everything is worth a shot I’d say
Worth googling for opinions from those that have tried it.

To think this is probably the worst mistake ever
Original poster
Justbreakingnow · 30/01/2024 16:25

I know - if she napped anywhere but the car seat it would work. Sigh. It’s great fun isn’t it!?

OP posts:
Superscientist · 30/01/2024 16:25

Have you seen the GP? My daughter cried and screamed for 16-20h a day due to severe silent reflux. It caused her to have feeding refusals and she was so hard to feed at time. She went down to 5-10 second breastfeeds no more than 1minute total during the day but better overnight. She needed high dose omperazole as much gaviscon as I could get in her and I had to remove a bunch of foods from my diet.

What was different in the time that she was better? My daughter improved loads after we took out dairy whilst at my in-laws. We got home a few weeks later and she was back to square one. We worked out that when we were at the in laws we ate meat veg and potatoes or rice. At home we are lots of floods with tomatoes and coconut in. I removed those too and she went back to happy until I ate something else she reacted too.

My daughter still has reflux aged 3 and the thing I have learnt most from having her is reflux isn't linear. She is bad then she gets better then she grows or cuts a a tooth or gets a cold and she get a worse again. We get meds adjusted and the cold goes and she gets better again and then something else comes along to upset the equilibrium and we are back in reflux hell.

Original poster
Justbreakingnow · 30/01/2024 16:26

GF is never going to work in a month of Sundays. It works for some and not others. Let’s not have a stupid argument.

OP posts:
cardibach · 30/01/2024 16:27

DD was a screamer. The health visitor was both stunned and flummoxed by her lung power. She got a bit better once she was on solids, then once she got past babyhood she was the sunniest child ever, like it was all out of her system (apart from a tricky couple of months pre first period).
I also yelled at her. Don’t feel bad. You’ve put her somewhere safe and you are being a good mum. Take a breath. As others said, going out and walking is great. DD didn’t stop screaming but it doesn’t sound as loud outside…

Original poster
Justbreakingnow · 30/01/2024 16:27

Oh, I think she just wants to be moving but can’t. Probably teeth too but it feels like she’s been teething for about six weeks. And she probably isn’t getting anything like enough sleep but she won’t sleep so.😂

OP posts:
Tagyoureit · 30/01/2024 16:27

You have my sympathies! Crying babies are hard work! I remember thinking I'd actually broken my ds some how as he cried so much!
I also remember my midwife telling me her baby cried so much too unless he was in the pram and that she used to spend hours out walking him in the pram even if it was pissing down with rain! I felt reassured hearing that from my midwife as even she didn't have the answers, babies are babies!

My DS did get a lot of trapped wind, can I gently suggest tummy massages and lifting her legs to help her pass wind. It may help!!

You can YouTube videos on it.

Good luck!

AcrossthePond55 · 30/01/2024 16:27

@Justbreakingnow

I'm an 'old mum' (DC grown and 'launched') so 'safety awareness' may be different now so keep in mind that my DC were babies in the 80s.

But 'in my day' when you reached that breaking point the advice was to be sure baby is fed, dry, comfortable, etc and then to put them down in a 'safe place' ie crib or play pen, close the door, and then walk away for 5-10 minutes or so and try to recapture your sanity. An upset mum can't calm an upset baby. Check on baby after that 5-10 minutes and repeat if needed. Then pick them up after the 2nd 10 minutes and walk them for awhile. Then repeat. Again, this advice may be outdated now, but it did work.

Another 'trick' was to strap baby in their car seat, put the seat on a tumble dryer with a few towels in for balance and turn the dryer on. The vibrations and the noise 'mimicked' the feeling of being in a car. This worked a treat for my BFF. Of course, you don't leave baby unattended if you do this.

Just remember that as hard as it feels right now, this too shall pass.

GirlMum40 · 30/01/2024 16:29

Just know that I've been where you are, at my absolute wits end and the baby was safer in her pram on the decking (secure garden, weather ok) crying than she was with me in that moment.

It will end.

And the crazy thing is, you'll miss those days 😫

Take some breaths and have a cup of tea.

Mariposistaaa · 30/01/2024 16:29

OP she is 6 months so you will soon be thinking about back to work and childcare. Start her at nursery early, even if it’s just a couple of mornings. Just have some time apart and time to regroup.

ArabellaScott · 30/01/2024 16:32

Oh, OP. I'm so sorry. It can be SO hard.

It does get better, I promise.

Meanwhile, I found this book really helpful - even just the idea that my baby was extra frustrated because he was trying to learn something new ws helpful. So every so often there would be periods of intense clinginess, crying, etc. And then he'd come out the other side.

https://www.thewonderweeks.com/

#1 BestSeller - Baby Development Book

Anyone who deals with infants and young children will want to read 'The Wonder Weeks.' 'The Wonder Weeks' book will open parents' eyes to aspects of their

https://www.thewonderweeks.com

N27 · 30/01/2024 16:35

What general area are you? I have a baby and am fairly flexible during the week. If you need a future rant I’m happy to help if you’re nearby

ArabellaScott · 30/01/2024 16:36

listsandbudgets · 30/01/2024 16:13

PS Just seen some of your other posts and I see you've been busy walking.

I'm sorry if I missed anyone suggesting it but I found another thing that would sometimes help is if I took a bath WITH baby

Absolutely. Warmth, snuggles, bath, skin to skin.

I wonder if there's a reason she's not feeding, OP?

Allwelcone · 30/01/2024 16:36

💐 and a hug OP ain't nothing like your crying baby tocreally make life seem aaarrgh. It WILL get better, you're doing all you can.

I had to leave mine in a room to scream too when I was at my wits end!

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